


Like A Friend

by KKL



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-10 04:09:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 64,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2010417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KKL/pseuds/KKL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Faith has finally come to terms with her feelings, but when Buffy finally figures it out, unforeseen circumstances may cause the revelation to have come too late.  This is sort of a crossover fic with the movie "Daybreakers", and the title of it stems from the song "Like A Friend" by Pulp.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Buffy Finds Out

" _There's a storm coming," I hear B say quietly from her resting position. I can feel the weight of her against my side, her head is laying comfortably on my shoulder and my arm is around her. She has a leg thrown over one of mine and one of her hands is splayed out over my stomach._

" _I know," I say back just as quietly with a soft sigh. I can feel the sun beaming down on my face, and the brightness of it behind my closed eyes. The air around us is cool and breezy, and it feels like we're floating. I can hear water lapping around us and waves crashing against each other in the distance. I open my eyes slowly, blinking rapidly against the blinding rays to try to get a look at where we are. Raising my head a little, I bring the hand that my head was resting on up to my face to shield my eyes, and I look around._

_We're in the middle of a body of water; in a tiny boat that's floating peacefully. Not seeing or sensing immediate danger I sigh and close my eyes again and throw my arm back to rest my head against it. I don't ask whether this is mine or hers, we stopped asking that a long time ago, not really caring because we know that whatever shit is coming, we'll face it together._

_We stay like this for a long moment, feeling the soft sway of the boat with the waves crashing in the distance. It's not until I feel myself drifting off to sleep that she speaks again and it instantly jars me awake._

" _Promise me?" she says more than asks softly with a slight turn of her head. Her warm breath tickles the skin on my neck and it makes me shiver._

" _Anything." I turn my head slightly to place a kiss on the top of her head._

_I feel her smile against my neck and the hand she has laying against my stomach grasps at the cotton shirt. "Promise me that when it comes, you won't let me fall."_

* * *

"Christ, I'm coming!"  _At least I should be._  I pull myself away from the warm confines of my current bedmate. She's young, hot, brunette…just the way I like them. Okay, so maybe it's not exactly the way I like them, in fact it's so far from what I actually like it's not even funny. But I digress, if you can't love the one you want, love the one you're with…right?

Wrong, because love is not even in the equation where these encounters are concerned. Always a brunette or black hair, red heads even, but never blonde though….sandy, dirty, strawberry…whatever. Nope, never blonde hair…nor green eyes, or hazel even. That always hit to close to home and way too close to something, or rather someone, I know I'll never have.

Finally I stumble out of bed. It takes me a while to focus because of the alcohol still coursing through my veins and impairing my vertical coordination. Coming to some semblance of reality, I quickly grab a t-shirt and the pair of sweatpants that are laying across the back of a chair and pad out of my room, down the stairs, and towards the door. I already know who's on the other side trying to beat my door off its hinges, and I'm sure if she really tried it'd be no big feat at all.

It could only be one person, because there's only one person who would dare venture into the den of the lion at such a late hour and expect to live to see another day. I'm just wondering how the hell she knew I was back seeing as I didn't tell anyone. Not that I hadn't planned on coming back anyway, this is home after all. But I have to wonder if the other reason I know it's her on the other side of the door is the same reason she knew I'd landed back in Scotland.

You see, I have this thing. A Slayer sense….or whatever the fuck you want to call it, but I can  _feel_ Buffy. The only way to describe it is that I feel a rush of warm energy all over me, it's not as clear at first, more like a subtle buzz that starts in the base of my spine and the closer she gets the stronger it feels until it's radiating all over. Kinda like when your body is cold and you sit by a fire to get warm. You feel the heat but your body doesn't instantly react to it. It's a subtle change of temperature inside of you that soon spreads all over and before you know it, you're consumed by the heat.

The feeling only intensified after Willow did the spell to call all of the potential slayers. It's like the Slayer calling reboot, starring B and me and it seems to get stronger the closer I am too her. I guess to stay warm you have to remain close and keep the fire burning. I guess that's what she is for me, a steady supply of slow burning fuel. It feels pretty damn amazing, but I'd never tell her that or try to act on it. Just like fire will consume and destroy everything it touches, so does Buffy and I've been burned before. Got a knife in the gut to prove it.

I've never said anything to her about it, so I don't know if it's the same for her. I'd like to think it is, but that it's something she just chooses to ignore, or maybe there's an on and off switch for her. For me though, I've always been able to feel it which I guess means mine is always turned on. But I feel it more whenever she's near. Even when she isn't I still feel her, and it helps to keep me warm.

I actually asked Giles about it once. He didn't have an immediate answer but a couple of days later he sought me out to give me his theory. The essence of the Slayer demon, the one you get from being truly called, lives inside both of us, and since there was never supposed to be two Slayers at once, the essence is split, fragmented he called it, between the two of us. It's creating this bond between us, because it seems the two halves are always seeking the other out trying to be whole again.

Of course I laughed about it, not that it was funny or anything. I guess it kinda makes sense actually. I just never told B about it because really what would I say? 'Guess what B? You complete me…literally!' Yeah….no, can't be telling her that shit. Even if it's true. When we're together, or in the same vicinity of each other, I feel stronger. My senses are heightened, my muscles feel stronger, my heart beats faster, and everything about me seems to go into overdrive. Don't get me wrong, apart from her, I'm still a badass, but yeah…she completes me, and deep down I guess I kinda hope she feels it too.

"You are an asshole," Buffy tells me as a way of greeting when I open the door. She crosses her arms over her chest and just looks at me with an unreadable expression.

"I missed you too B," I tell her truthfully, the corner of my mouth turned upward in a smirk while leaning against the doorway. I wait for it. She stares me down for a second before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around my neck. She doesn't say it, and she doesn't have to because the tight embrace she has me in lets me know that she missed me too. I upright myself and eagerly return her embrace. I wrap my arms around her waist before I pick her up, making her squeal and laugh a little before bringing her inside.

My body is already charged from the night's recent explorations that were cut short by this visit, and it goes into overdrive with her pressed so tightly against me. The warmth of her body seeps into my own and it covers me from head to toe. I have to fight with myself to pull away from her. When I do, she also releases her hold on me and steps away, looking a bit shy with that cute little half smile on her face, and I can't help but smile back.

Buffy and I never used to be big on the hugs and cuddles, but a lot has changed and now that shit is just natural, especially when I've been away. She steps further inside and when she does, I close the door behind her.

"What are you doing here B? Why aren't you getting all loved up with your boy toy of the month?" I say teasingly, but really it leaves a bad taste in my mouth thinking of her being all loved up with anyone. Not that I try to deter it or anything, because really…trying to keep Buffy from the train wreck that is bound to be any relationship she's in is like trying to keep a fat kid away from cake. And besides, I just want her to be happy.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming home? I would've picked you up," she says instead, apparently avoiding my question. I don't bring to much attention to it because really, I could care less about what's his name.

"Your driving is bad B, I actually wanted to make it back here in one piece," I tell her with a grin. She apparently doesn't find it funny and turns away from me instead. That makes me feel all fucked up inside and I don't know why because I know she's not actually mad about my comment; I tease her about her driving all the time.

"It's no big deal, I'm a big girl B, and I know how to find my way home," I say with a shrug because I can't actually tell her that I was debating not coming back so soon, at least not until I knew what was going on with the reason I was back to begin with. What exactly would I say? 'Oh I didn't tell you because I really didn't want to come back because I miss you more when I'm around you'. Yeah I don't think she'd appreciate that, and I don't want to be making things awkward between us.

I'm not exactly sure how to explain it though. The longing that I feel for her seems to have gotten stronger as time passes and even though I miss her like crazy when I'm away, it's not as bad as when I'm actually around her. Crazy right? How can you miss someone so much when they're standing in a room with you? I guess it's just the fact that when I'm away I always have something to keep me occupied. Whether it be some baddie I'm chasing down or some random lay for the night. It's why I jump at every opportunity to pull myself away when a time sensitive, or special skill capability mission blips on our radar.

Luckily, with all the evil out there I get to travel a lot. It kind of feels like trying to wean yourself off of a bad habit. So that's why I don't let myself get all caught up in coming back home, because I know that it's her I'm always coming back too, and I would never deny myself that, even if it hurts a little.

"What's with the getup B, I thought we were grounded for a bit?" I ask, trying to push that particular part of me missing her down and indicating the kick ass slaying gear she's donning. It's still funny sometimes when I think about what she used to wear to go on patrol back in the day compared to "standard slayer issued" gear that she wears now. Her teenage self would be so disappointed. She's decked all in black with some loose fitting cargo pants that are snugly tucked into her demon stomping boots. Her hair is pulled up in a ponytail and she has on a long sleeve fitted tee with a protective vest fitted over it.

I can see the various knives and stakes tucked securely in it. She looks kickass and hot all at the same time. She doesn't say anything though, she just strolls further into my loft and goes into the living room area and plops herself down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Some rough shit has been going down and a few of the slayers have come up missing.

It all started a few weeks back when one of the squads were out patrolling and came across this wicked looking thing that they soon found out was a vamp. They wasn't sure at first because it wasn't the normal run of the mill vamp that we're used to seeing. They described him as this ugly fucker, all skin and bones and deformed, kind of like some shit you would see in the movies. When they stumbled across him, he was actually feeding on himself, but when he noticed them he instantly went on the attack.

It didn't talk or anything, but when it opened its mouth, a loud screech was emitted and then it took off into the air. Yeah, a fucking flying vamp! When it reappeared, it swooped down on them, one of his wings decapitating one of the girls and it grabbed another and took off with her and impaled her mid-air. Once it had its fill, it dropped the bloody corpse right back in the spot where it picked her up from.

After getting over the chaos and shock of it all, once the fucker came back in for another kill, one of the girls….on instinct, was able to get behind it and stake it through its back and that's when it went up in flames. They said that instead of it disintegrating into dust, it was all fire and ash. Dust…flames, either way it was gone with a stake to the heart. So yeah, a vamp.

After that, a few of the more seasoned slayers went out patrolling and they came across a few more of the flying vamps, luckily they were more prepared with crossbows. After a few more patrols, some of the girls came up missing. Like vanished off the face of the fucking earth. And when dawn struck, a crew went out to see if they could find any remains of the squad only to come up empty, finding no bodies or any signs of them having existed.

Some type of new vamp species is what the brains are calling it…a flying one at that. How very Bram Stoker of them. I don't care what it is though, if it looks like a vamp and dies like one….I'm staking the shit out of it.

So that's when a lock down was imposed worldwide. I'd been tracking a pair of Haklar demons in South Asia for a week when I got the call from Buffy. They only appear during alternating full moons to mate and feed, and the last sighting of this particular pair was in the area I was holed up in. Needless to say, I was not too thrilled to be called out of the field the day before the full moon when they were supposed to appear.

Initially she tore into my ass for not answering the phone the first five thousand times she had called me. After I explained that I was in the middle of nowhere and right in the heart of shitty reception, not to mention hunting and trying to be all stealth-like, she eased up. Apparently she had been worried about me with all the shit that had went down, and the apparent Slayer dream that we'd shared where we're in the middle of the ocean. If the dream is anything to go by, it seems I should be worried about her.

I never bring too much attention to them anymore, the slayer dreams that is, most of the time they end up being nothing at all and half the time I'm not sure if we're even sharing them at all. But after apologizing to her fuck knows how many times for making her worry, she had one of her breakdowns that she has whenever we lose a Slayer. I could only listen, letting her get out the grief she felt quickly accompanied by the overwhelming guilt of having made the decision to 'call' all of the potentials.

It's a conversation she and I have had a dozen times over, which always ends in me giving her my spiel about how she did what she had to do to save the world and that I stood behind her decision 100%. All Slayers live to die eventually, like it or not, it's the life we live. Every girl that we take in is made aware of the choice they are making and of the rules of slaying.

Rule #1 - Don't Die. We can't help it if some of them can't follow the rules. So they get to choose between the red pill and the blue one. Simple as that. They can stay and fight, or go back to their blissfully ignorant existence.

It ain't easy being a Slayer, and we all knew that when the decision was made. Not all of them will make it past the first year. We can only hope that when we do go out, that we go out fighting while taking a few of the fuckers that go bump in the night with us, and that it's bloodiest, most badass death imaginable. At least that's what I hope when it's finally my time to bite it.

So now here I am back at home. On lock down until the brains can figure out if this is an isolated occurrence, or if it's something that can possibly be happening in other places. Regardless of when and where it's happening, I'm ready to find some of these new species of undead fuckers to get in a little payback.

I pad over to where Buffy is sitting and plop down beside her and wait for her to say something. When she doesn't, I press on. "So you gonna tell me why you get to go out and kick some demon ass when I'm cooped up playing the dutiful Slayer? I'm feeling all kinds of jealous here B."

Still she doesn't say anything, instead she unbuckles and pulls off her vest and lays it across the back of the couch before reaching down and unlacing and pulling off her boots with a relieved sigh. I smile a little, loving how she always makes herself at home here. She was initially upset when I moved out of the castle with them and into this nice pad I have now. She got over it quickly though when I handed her over her own key and I let her help decorate, which wasn't half as bad as I expected. She knows what I like, but that didn't mean she didn't add her own little 'Buffy' spin on the place. It's mixed, with a little light and dark, a little Buffy and Faith. I like it.

And don't get me wrong, the castle is fucking huge and the layout with all the land surrounding it allows for plenty of privacy and room for everyone, but I just needed to distance myself. I'm not too far away though, nothing a good 30 minute drive wouldn't take care of, about 20 minutes if the fog isn't thick, and of course in a matter of seconds if you hitch a ride via the Willow-train. So this place was perfect. It's close enough to the city when I need to just get away and let loose , and far enough away from B when I am.

"I'll tell you, but only if you…," she trails off and looks over at me pleadingly, wiggling her toes. I smirk at her because she's acting so damn cute right now, but I know I can't resist. Moving over to one end of the couch, I assume the position. I can't help but grin at the giddy look that crosses her face as she gets comfortable on the other end of the sofa and leans back against the arm, bringing her legs up to lay her feet across my lap.

Yep, I know what she wants and yep….I'm happy to comply as I grab one of her tiny feet. She's such a shock to my soft side and I think she knows it. "Now start talking Blondie," I tell her as I start to rub the top of her foot. A soft moan is pulled from her and suddenly my eyes find her face and all thoughts are lost. Her eyes are closed and she now has an arm thrown behind her head. I rub her foot again, this time moving lower and she sighs again. Damn, that's sexy.

"Buffy," I clear my throat to get her attention and also to get my own brain back on track.

"Hmm?" She opens her eyes to look at me, they're hooded she looks like what I'm doing to her is melting all the bad shit away from her mind. It kinda makes me feel bad for interrupting whatever mind orgasm she's having right now knowing that I'm the one giving it to her.

"Spill it….now. You don't get these magic hands for free Princess," I tell her and tickle her feet.

She laughs and pulls her foot away from the assault. I pull her foot back into my lap and continue to massage it. She sighs again before she starts.

"Kennedy and I went out to see if we could find more clues on these new freaky vamps."

"What?" I say, taking my attention away from the foot in my lap and getting a little angry with her. "The two of you went out on your own?" At her nod I shake my head. "After you fucking stupid or something?" I ask harshly and she narrows her eyes at me. "Buffy you could have gotten yourself killed!" I say angrily. "Isn't the reason you put everyone on lockdown to keep them safe? Do you think that doesn't apply to you? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"No one seems to know what we're dealing," she says almost yelling. "I had to do something!"

"It's only been a few weeks Buffy, give them some time for fucks sake. You know how Giles and Red do, they sit around and read a fuck load of dusty old books, eat some doughnuts and drink tea, make a few calls and before you know it we're out wrecking shit," I make an attempt to explain. "But what I really want to know is how you convinced Red to let Kennedy jump on that stupid train with you."

She looks away for a moment, guilt written all over her face. "Will didn't know about it, no one did. Kennedy caught me slipping out and she tried to stop me. I didn't listen so she insisted on going with me."

I sigh heavily trying to reign in the outrage I feel with her right now. "So you were gonna skip out and she caught you, and the two of you go out on your own and no one even knew. If something would've happened, no one would've known where to even start looking for you two." She doesn't say anything but I know she gets my point. I shake my head at her. So damn stupid. "How reckless and…,"

"And so like you?" she challenges, looking angry now. What a low blow.

I snap my mouth shut and ponder over that for a second. If I were here would I have wanted to just sit around until we found out something? Probably not, but that's beside the point. We aren't talking about me here, we're talking about her. She's supposed to be the responsible one.

"We're not talking about me here B, but if you hadn't noticed, I'm sitting here playing the good little Slayer while you're out playing Marco Polo with a bunch of vamps we don't know shit about."

"What did you expect me to do Faith? Sit around and watch more girls die?" she asks, and I know it's not something I'm expected to answer. She shakes her head and I see a sadness settle across her face. "We've already lost too many of the girls and I guess I just….," she trails off again, her voice softening then she sighs shakily and places an arm over her face.

Now I know why she did it, not that I condone it, but I think I understand even though it was stupid as fuck. She's still feeling guilty about the Slayers dying and thinking somehow it's her fault and wants to do more. I sigh, mentally kicking myself for yelling at her, but that doesn't mean what she did is okay with me. If something would've happened to her I don't know what I would do with myself. It's too painful to even think about.

I sigh heavily trying to reign in some of my anger. Even though I don't approve of what she did I don't want her to beat herself up for what happened to the girls we lost. "Hey," I say softly and wait for her to move her arm away to look at me. "It's not your fault B, you can't save them all, you know? The bad guys get a few shots in sometimes. And no one else has died because you did the smart thing with this lock down until we know what's up."

"I know," she says and I can see her eyes shining with tears and it's tearing me up inside. I look away from her because I don't think I can stand to see her cry.

"Just please, don't ever do that again, okay?" I look over at her briefly before looking away again. "I don't think…I couldn't." I'm stumbling over my words here because just the thought of losing her is too much. And when I say too much, I really mean it. Whatever this Slayer thing is B and I have going, it isn't always of the good. I felt her die the second time she did. Like  _really_ felt it, and it was wicked painful, sucked big time.

I was in prison at the time and when it happened it was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I couldn't breathe, and everything inside of me felt like it was trying to tear me apart. I spent two weeks in the infirmary before the pain started to subside, but even then it didn't end. After all the shit I've been through and never really having anyone there for, I felt like the first time in my life that I was alone.

After a while I began to feel stronger, almost invincible even, but knowing what I do now, I just chalk it up to the essence making itself whole again inside of me. But that didn't matter because I felt hollow inside, like a piece of me was missing. So when she was brought back, I felt that too. I didn't feel as invincible anymore, and for fuck sakes I was happy about it because I knew she was back. That warm feeling I got from her started to ignite, and even though it felt wrong and dull somehow, it was the best damn feeling in the world to know she was alive again.

Luckily, but also unfortunately, we're interrupted from the depressing conversation we're having by a voice that floats down from the banister.

"I didn't realize you'd be into a threesome tonight. I may have to actually charge you for this one," the voice above us makes us both look up at the intruder who isn't making the least attempt to cover her naked torso. Not that I mind.

I have to chuckle at the remark because not only would Buffy not be interested in being the 'three' in a threesome, if she thinks I'd share B with anyone if I ever got the chance to have her, she's fucking delusional.

"I'm sure if you did it'd be worth every penny." I grin, happy for the interruption from the heavy thoughts, but apparently Buffy isn't. I look back to her and she has this look on her face and it's something I can't quite decipher and it's making my stomach feel like it's in a knot. Whatever it is, I don't like it.

"I um….I should go," she says tightly and pulls her feet out of my lap and stands up quickly. This makes me react and I stand up just as quick and grab her from behind. My hands are on her hips and her back is pressed to my front. I really didn't mean to stand this close to her, but in my overreaction to not wanting her to go, here we are. Not even the thought of losing a sure thing for the night in sexy little heels is enough for me to give her up.

"You really shouldn't," I tell her, my mouth close to her ear and I swear I can feel her shiver just a little.

"Faith, if you seriously think you're even going to get the chance to talk me into this you're out of your mind," Buffy scolds and turns her head slightly trying to look at me but I have her pulled so tight against me it makes it near impossible.

I chuckle again and shake my head. "Thought never even crossed my mind," I tell her, because it seriously didn't. "Now stay," I tell her and tighten my grip on her waist. She shakes her head and tries to pull away but I won't let her. I know she's about to protest but I interrupt whatever it is she's about to say. "It's no big deal B, she was just leaving….right?" I yell the last part out loud as I look up to the brunette still leaning over the railing.

She chuckles and I can see the brow she raises before pushing herself off the rail and heads back towards my room. As she disappears out of sight I release my hold on Buffy, but I'm ready to pounce on her if she tries to leave again. She steps away but only far enough so she can turn to look at me. I give her my best dimpled grin but her glare doesn't waiver. Damn, that usually works.

Buffy briefly looks back up to make sure my guest hasn't made a reappearance and then turns back to face me. "What the hell is that?" She looks pissed, then she shakes her head. "I mean I know what  _that_  was but you didn't…I mean I didn't think….dammit Faith why didn't you tell me that you had...someone here," she says in a harsh whisper. "I… I wouldn't have…I…I could've come back another time," she manages to say and I can see her face starting to redden a little.

"I forgot," I shrug. Which is actually kind of true.

There's that indignant look again. "Faith, how the hell do you just  _forget_  you have a naked woman in your bedroom?" she all but yells.

I must say, that is a good question. However, in my defense I have to admit, if only to myself, that whenever Buffy walks into a room she has the ability to make me forgot that anyone else in the world exists. Case and point being the hot chick, now fully clothed that is walking down the stairway and towards us.

Buffy looks extremely uncomfortable, but ever the polite little Slayer she starts to speak. "I'm really, really sorry I interrupted," Buffy looks between the discarded girl and myself, "whatever it is I interrupted. My name is Buffy by the way," B says and actually extends her hand to shake the one of the other woman. I almost laugh at that but it I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate it.

"I know exactly who you are, Faith has said so much about you." A sly smile crosses over her face, but she doesn't shake Buffy's hand. I'm confused and I'm sure it's written all over my face. How the hell does she know who Buffy is? I've never said shit about B to her, so what the fuck is she on about? I look at her suspiciously but she avoids my death glare.

"Oh, well…well okay," Buffy says just as confused as I am and pulls her hand back and drops it to her side. "Well its nice meeting you, woman whose name I still don't know. "

"Likewise," she says, and shoot then she looks at me expectantly.

"What?" I finally say.

She rolls her eyes at me. "I rode here with you, remember? Do you expect me just to walk back?"

"Shit," I say under my breath.

"Like I said, I should go," Buffy says and makes a move to pick up her boots.

"No….no, I um," I say looking around. "Hold up," I order and dash into the kitchen to grab my keys. When I come back I see Buffy has sat down and started to put her boots back on.

"Here," I say to the third woman in the room. "Take my Jeep, I'll come by in the morning and pick it up." Buffy's head shoots up at this and I avoid her gaze.

The brunette goes to take my keys, but I pull them back before she reaches them to issue a warning. "One scratch and your ass is mine," I tell her.

"More than it already has been? Oooh, I'm real scared," she teases with a wink, which makes me grin, and give up the keys. She takes them and heads towards the door. I watch her until she's gone and think about the hot piece of ass I'm giving up tonight and making a mental note to ask her when the hell did I mention B to her.

Running my hand through my hair I turn back to look at Buffy, she's looking at me again with something I can't decipher and once again my stomach is in knots. Really, what's up with that shit?

"What?" I ask her and scratch uncomfortably at my scalp.

"What? That's all you have to say?"

"I uh, I'm not sure what else I should be saying B," I answer really not knowing what she wants from me.

"Who was that?" she folds her arms across her chest in all her interrogating glory.

"Just some chick I know," I shrug feeling extremely uncomfortable now and refusing to meet her eyes.

"Oookay," she says slowly. "Just some chick you know that you're obviously sleeping with." She frowns then shakes her head. "Not that it matters that you're sleeping with her because that's obviously not my business, but she probably heard our conversation and you aren't worried about that?" she asks and throws her hands up slightly and drops them to her side.

"Nah, she knows that shit isn't always what it seems, that there is bad shit that goes on out there," I tell her and her eyes widened at this.

"So you've told her about you? About being a Slayer?" She's almost outraged at the thought.

I shake my head. "No…not exactly."

She's looking at me expectantly and then scoffs when I fail to say more. "Not exactly?"

"Yeah B," I say with a sigh remembering how I met the now discarded girl. "I saved her from a vamp one night, she saw me dust it. She was shaken up, but didn't seem all that surprised. She said she knew there was some weird shit out there, she'd just never come so close to it before. She asked me how I knew how to kill it and I told her that I watch a lot of horror movies," I finish with a smirk. Buffy apparently doesn't find anything amusing though and I clear my throat before wiping the smirk off my face.

"Okay so you save her from being a vamp snack and she repays you by what? Sleeping with you?" She asks the question as if she's disgusted by the notion. And really that's not how it is….well, kinda it is, but not really.

"C'mon B, has it ever occurred to you that she's fucking me because she actually  _wants_ to and not because she owes me one? If you hadn't noticed, I'm hot shit, she should consider herself lucky," I joke trying to lighten things up a bit, but B's still not looking pleased with me and I can't for the life of me figure out what her fucking problem is.

"Okay then, how does she know me?" she asks, and once again crosses her arms over her chest.

I frown slightly at that and think on it, but come up with nothing. I've never told her about Buffy, she's not her business. "I honestly don't know B, I've never mentioned you to her, I don't know why she said that," I explain truthfully but she looks like she doesn't believe me.

She regards me for a minute before she continues. "So she's just some chick you know that you let drive your car?" she asks suspiciously.

"Ken and I will go pick it up in the morning, it's no big deal, really," I answer coolly.

"She's driving your car Faith, it's kind of a big deal. And Kennedy knows her?"

I chuckle slightly. "Probably."

She's looking at me all weird and that fucking knot in my stomach seems to be twisting, it's almost painful.

"What?" I ask defensively, not knowing why it's  _that_ big of a deal. I mean okay, I rarely let people drive my Jeep, but I needed to get her out of here quick, fast and in a hurry. There was no way I was dumping B and that was the best I could come up with.

She doesn't say anything but only keeps looking at me all weird and shit, and it makes me feel all fucked up inside. Why I don't know.

"Are…are you dating her?" she asks softly while staring at me intently.

"No, I don't date….you know that," I reply, finally taking a look at her.

"Well she knows your friends, or at least one of them. Is she like your…your um, your girlfriend or something?" Comes the next question and she sounds so uncomfortable asking me that.

"Or something," I tell her.

"What does that mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything B, I told you, she's just some chick I know," I say and look away. It's kind of the truth, she  _is_ just some chick I know, but I have been fucking her for a while, at least when I come home I hook up with her, but for some reason I don't tell Buffy that. It's probably the closest thing I've had to a 'relationship' since…..well since forever, but it's definitely  _not_ a relationship, she's just easy to be around and doesn't expect anything from me other than what I give her.

"Obviously for a while then since you give her the key to your car like it's nothing." She says it like she's trying to wrap her mind around something.

"I've known her for a little bit," I say vaguely with a shrug.

"How long is a little bit?"

I feel like I'm being grilled here and I don't like it. Why does she even care? Could it be because it's a chick and I haven't exactly been upfront and open about my need to change my sex diet up a bit. It's not like I've ever had to explain it to anyone. Besides, why would it be all that surprising to anyone, especially B since I flirt with her constantly? So what's the big deal?

"Is it because she's a chick?" I have to know. Her eyes widen and her mouth opens but nothing comes out. Hello. Deer meet headlights.

"No!" She damn near yells. "I mean…no."

I cross my arms over my chest and pin her with a look. "You sure? Because you're acting like a grade A homophobic fuck right now."

"I am not!" She really does yell now. "My best friend is a lesbian Faith so that's the stupidest thing you could think right now!"

"Then what the hell is the problem Buffy?"

"There is no problem  _Faith_. I….I'm just." She shakes her head. "I don't care okay. You've just never told me that you were into girls. I mean I suspected." She looks aside before looking back to me. "It's actually not surprising at all, even though it kind of is. I just….it's…it's nothing." She shakes her head again. "And stop avoiding my question! How long is a little bit that you've  _not_ been dating her?" she demands.

I eye her and the defensive posture she's taken up now. I can tell she's pissed and I'm still not convinced that it's not the chick thing, but I prefer to choose my battles and this isn't one I want to get into with her because I'm sure I'll end up telling her it's her I'd rather be giving it to. "A few months I suppose," I finally answer.

"A few months," she says softly, like she's talking to herself. "So you are dating her?" She says more than asks, and again that knot in my stomach just keeps on turning.

"I said no," I tell her feeling a little offended. "Why does it matter?"

"I…I guess it doesn't," she shakes of her head and reaches down and grabs her boots.

"What are you doing?" I am standing beside her now, panicking slightly and I can't help but feel like I'm overreacting just a bit.

She looks at me weird again which makes me feel all fucked up again before turning her attention back to her boots. "I'm leaving," there's an air of finality in her statement.

"Why?" I ask, hating the whiney tone that I can hear in my voice.

She sighs and stop what she's doing. "I don't know, I…I just feel….I feel all weird I guess," she says before going back to putting her boots back on.

"Why?" I find myself asking again and sounding like a broken record.

Now it's her turn to shrug, "I guess for ruining your night."

"Ah c'mon B, you didn't ruin anything, and she's gone now, so you don't have to go. Stay," It feels like I'm practically begging her because I really don't want her to leave.

She shakes her head finally getting one of her boots laced. "No, it's already late and I should head home." She's not looking at me and I feel like I've been punched in the gut.

"There's a meeting tomorrow at noon, I guess to see what Giles has dug up on these new vampires. So I'll see you around at the castle I suppose." She's still not looking at me as she speaks. She finishes with her other boot before she stands and grabs her vest to put it on. Once she has it buckled, her eyes finally settle on me and she looks all sad and shit before she walks towards the door. It fucks me up inside even more.

"Yeah, I'll be around," I announce after her, because it's not like I have shit else to do with the lock down she declared but isn't adhering too. I don't say anything else, I just watch as she leaves. Even though I want to stop her, I'm just floored right now at her reaction. Call me stupid but it was almost like she was jealous or something, but I know that isn't the case.

We're just friends.


	2. Home Is Where The Heart Is

Home Sweet Home, I muse as I look around, uninterested in the surroundings and the people sitting at the table. Only squad leaders and senior Slayers, which actually means me and Buffy, are sitting in on this little meeting. My knee is jumping uncontrollably and I'm not sure if it's because of the fact that I haven't killed anything in about three weeks or that I'm nervous about seeing Buffy this morning. I didn't sleep well last night because after she left all I could think about was the way she acted. I want to talk to her about why she was all weird and shit, but I know she'll just deny it.

Me and Kennedy picked up my Jeep about an hour before this little meeting was supposed to start. The short trip to pick it up gave me just enough time to get in her shit for the stunt her and B pulled; going out on their own to get something on these new vamps we're dealing with. Even though Buffy told me that Kennedy only went after unsuccessfully trying to talk her out of it, it doesn't mean she's off the hook either.

Needless to say, it left me more than a little aggravated with her because the only thing she had to say about her actions, with a smartass smirk to boot, was 'Oh fuck off Faith, you would've done the same thing." Stupid brat. She's right though, I would've went along with B no matter how stupid it was. I know there's no talking Buffy out of shit sometimes when she has her mind set on something, but then again, I'll follow Buffy anywhere because of how I feel about her, what's Kennedy's fucking excuse?

When I arrived at the castle all of the juniors were happy that I was back, and it feels good every time I go away and come back how they all flock around. Until of course that shit starts to grate on my last nerve, especially with the smaller ones, or the teenagers.

I touched base with a few that I rounded up when I was searching for the newly called Slayers, and the ones that are still alive seem to be doing okay. But they are getting the best training, by the best bunch of super geeks, and the oldest living slayer with a complex, so I didn't have any doubt they'd be doing well. They started pestering me about how long I was gonna be around and if I would be teaching some classes so they could sign up. Damn, I must admit, it feels good to be home.

I sit at the table and wait for this thing to get rolling. My leg is still jumping slightly and my index finger is lightly tapping against the table. I'm not even sure why I have to be here because researching and planning really isn't my thing. All they have to do is point me in the direction of the shit that needs killed and I'm there. But of course I know why I am here and it's because she expects me to be. So for that reason I play the dutiful 'senior staff member that the girls look up to' and nod my head and give an occasional 'mmhmm' when it seems appropriate to appear as if I'm paying attention.

I'm also not sure why I'm nervous, it's not like we haven't done this a million times. I guess I'm just waiting for Buffy to show up, and giving how we left things last night, I'm not sure what to expect from her. I thought about that shit all last night after she left and I still can't wrap my mind around her reaction, it just seemed hella off even for a spaz like her.

Fortunately for me though, or it just may be misfortune, she walks into the room and my eyes are immediately are drawn to the door as she does. I don't see anyone else but her as she strolls in all businesslike and looks around the room. Her eyes fall on me and I give her a little up nod. Her face is void of emotion and she just looks away. Damn. She's still pissed and it fucks me up inside. I really need to get a hold of that shit. The fact that she can change my moods or make me feel a certain way with just a look can't be healthy after all this time. I watch her as she strolls further inside the room, and soon some of the other Scoobs fall in after her.

After SunnyD made a big hole in the earth, we all decided to trade one Hellmouth for another. And who knew that there were Hellmouth's simmering all over the place. And yes we, as in myself included, all made the decision together. It became our second chance to make a first impression.

The Scoobs got a chance to finally grow up and get out from under the thumb of the small town life that held them captive for so long, I'm sure the only vacation Red and Xander ever took was a sleepover down the street to each other's houses.

Dawn got a real chance at a normal college girl life, instead a ball of energy created to destroy the world. She got the chance to spend all her free time researching her actual college courses instead of demons and apocalypses. Now she's a full fledge Watcher and has gone back to researching demons and apocalypses, so I guess she's back where she started. But at least she had a choice and I can't say that I'm surprised that Squirt chose this. Now she's helping us fight the good fight and refusing to be labeled as the sister of The Slayer. Good on her.

It gave Giles the chance to build an organization and finally be a part of a bureaucracy he could be proud of and actually help the girls we have all taken responsibility of. It's also a paying gig which we're all loving. Apparently The Council was holding out on us and had money invested in a shitload of lucrative deals all over the world and some offshore accounts. So now I'm getting paid to do something I actually love, can't say it gets much better than that.

Most importantly though, it gave me the second chance to try and right the wrongs that I've done by fighting on the side of good, and to help the people that I've hurt. Plus, it gave me and B a real chance of actually being friends and working together. I must say, I look good in a white hat.

B also thought that with the newly called Slayers, it'd give her a chance at a normal life and it does to a point. She doesn't have to patrol every night or attend daily meetings to discuss the latest and greatest going on in with demon population. No, we have people for that now. Our people have people. However, you can't ignore the calling. For a Slayer, the urge to slay cannot be denied. It's what we're made for and were born to do. I know it and Buffy knows it.

It's why she usually finds herself out with me some nights when I'm home, tearing into any baddies we run up on. It's like a drug. It makes me high and gives me an adrenaline rush like I've never felt before, especially if she's there. B says she tags along to keep an eye on me and to make sure I don't get myself killed, because yeah, I still deliver wicked punishment and like to prolong the fight when I slay. What can I say, I always have a lot of energy to burn.

I always tell her I'm not one of the juniors and I don't need a babysitter. She never listens though, but I don't really mind. I love patrolling with her. It makes the rush that much better and she looks wicked hot when she fights. She's all raw, unadulterated power and energy when she's fighting. Then when it's over, she goes back to being dainty and prudish like she doesn't get off on that shit. But I always catch that familiar glint in her eyes when I'm caught gazing into them. She just gives me that adorable little half smile of hers and I break out the dimples and then we keep it moving and on to the next.

But when it's all said and done, we both go our separate ways, due in part to me needing to get as far away from her as possible. Then it leads to me finding the nearest club and warmest body to work off some post slaying stress and B suddenly remembering the honey she skipped out on to come slay with me.

A lot has changed since Sunnydale, but for the better. We all work together to keep the world in ignorant bliss while living life as normal as we possibly can.

"Faith!" I hear the squirt squeal as she enters the room. I smile and resist the urge to cover my ears and stand getting ready for the assault, and right on cue she rushes over and throws her arms around me. "When did you get back? Have you seen any of the freaky flying vamps out on your last mission? You looked perfectly tanned...are you laying down on the job? Did you bring me anything back?" She rambles off and my brows raise trying to keep up.

"Yeah Faith, did you bring us anything back?" I hear Xander ask from behind her looking like a kid on Christmasy crack and I can't help but laugh.

"I was too busy working on my tan to pick you guys anything up, but next time yeah?" I watch as both of their faces fall. I laugh at that, guess they're so use to me always bringing back goodies for them when I'm away. "Hey, blame it on the slave driver," I say throwing a nod over to Buffy, "I was ordered to lay low, didn't have time to look for anything."

"Yeah, she has a tendency to suck the fun out of things. It's inherited with being the oldest I guess," Dawn says and glares over at Buffy.

"C'mon now, isn't me being here enough for you two?" I ask looking between them both.

"Only if you and your place is compensation for coming back empty handed," Xander replies excitedly.

"Is this a sex thing? Because it sounded like a sex thing….and ewww much?" The squirt says and drops her arm from around me.

"It's always a sex thing with Xander," Buffy says as she interjects into the conversation and then she frowns slightly. "In fact, it's always a sex thing with this one too." She jerks her head in my direction and I smirk at her. "They both seem to have the minds of 13 year old boys."

"Hey 13 was a very good year for me," Xander pipes in. "I discovered a lot about myself that year."

"Yeah and I'm sure it was all you that was doing all the discovering. In fact I know it was all you because years later you still didn't know shit." I grin at him, and yeah it was a low blow, but it's something we can joke about now without it turning all bitter.

"Freaks," Dawn deadpans and she walks away.

Xander looks at her retreating form, confused, and back to Buffy. "Okay. Back to the sex thing. There's a sex thing? We have a sex thing? Because I'm okay with that if we do." He's looking at me now with his boyish grin in place and looking a little too hopeful. Yeah, not happening.

"No Xander, apparently you're not Faith's type anymore," Buffy chimes in sparing a glance at me.

"Huh? What's that mean?" Xander asks before I can say anything.

"To hear her tell it? It doesn't mean anything." And then B walks away.

Damn. She's on again about last night, and apparently she really is pissed about me being with a woman. What's up with that shit? It's like she said, her bestie is a fucking lesbian so what the fuck! I start after her to ask what's up her ass, but Xander stops me.

"So we're on for some gaming right? Unless of course you were thinking of saying yes to the sex thing, because have I mentioned that I'm okay with that?" He's rubbing his hands together with that silly grin still on his face.

"You know it," I tell him and pound the fist he holds out to me. Just because I'm pissed at B doesn't mean I have to take it out on him. "And that was to get our game on….not the sex thing dude," I clarify and watch the grin on his face fall a little.

"Okay, I'm good with that too. I've been schooling Kennedy on the new Madden and now she won't play with me anymore. Your place, tonight around seven sound good?"

"Wait why my place? Why can't we loaf around in your suite? It' because I have a bigger t.v. isn't it?"

"Yep, yours is bigger."

"That's what she said," I grin and give him pat on the back. He opens his mouth to say something else, but it snaps shut. I'm assuming from the lack of reply and some sexual visual he's having about mine being 'bigger' and what that possibly means especially after B's little comment.

"Right," he says before walking away quickly.

I chuckle as I sit back down and watch Buffy from across the room talking to some of the others. She laughs and nods at something one of them says before her eyes fall on me. She still has the smile on her face, even though I'm kinda pissed at her and I know the smile isn't for me, I can't help it, and smile back.

Finishing up whatever conversation she was having, she makes her way towards me and pulls out the chair beside me and sits down. I turn towards her to ask why she's still on about the chick thing, but she holds up a hand before I can speak.

"I'm sorry okay? I shouldn't have said that and before you ask, I'm still not weirded out about you being with another woman."

Another woman? What does that mean? Did I miss something? "Okay," I mumble before sitting back in my seat debating whether or not I should push her on this. I really don't want to fight with her and I know if I push, it's probably where it will lead.

She opens a folder and I peer over at it briefly. She's pretending to be interested in some type of class roster but I can feel the tension coming off her in waves. It shouldn't be like that between us, at least not anymore. We've gotten over that tense phase a long time ago. At least I thought we had.

Things weren't always rainbows and butterflies between me and Buffy. I think that's obvious and expected with our splintered past. When we decided to all stick together, after The First, I never got to apologize to her for all the shit I'd done when we were kids, and I knew she hadn't forgiven me for it.

I got the invitation from Giles, and Buffy wasn't exactly happy about it. Sure, she was grateful for the extra muscle for the fight with The First, but after the dust had literally settled, she thought I should go back to prison. Talk about a punch to the gut, and I wasn't exactly opposed to the idea either, but hearing her voice it was different. Don't get me wrong, prison sucked big time, but it was where I belonged, after all I was a murderer.

Dawn and Xander seemed to be cool with the idea of my hanging around as well. The kid just made me promise not to hurt her sister or anyone else again. That coupled with the threat of turning herself back into a ball of energy, throwing herself down my throat and making me explode from the inside. I swear I laughed hard at that, that kid is scary as hell when she wants to be. I made the promise to her though, idle threat aside because it's not like she could actually do that. Could she?

It wasn't until Willow got on Team Faith, something that even shocked the hell out of me, that B backed down. It took Red giving her a rundown and telling her all the double standards she was throwing at me. She explained how easily B was so willing to forgive and forget the things she'd done, and the fact that she filleted a guy alive.

She also threw at her the fact that she'd fallen in love with a vampire that murdered for centuries. Then she was fucking and caring about another regardless of him not having a soul, plus just being plain old evil and conniving. After trying to argue the facts and coming up empty, finally Buffy relented and said, 'Fine, I don't care…I'm over this'.

The argument wasn't over for me however, I knew going back to prison was the right thing to do. I needed to pay for my crimes on a 'human' level, and I deserved to live with those consequences. It took a few days for Giles and Willow to get through to me a little, plus they played the guilt card. They went on about how I had this responsibility to the newly called Slayers seeing as I was a Chosen One, and only Buffy and I could make them understand what it was like.

I mulled over it for almost a week and the decision wasn't easy, but then I thought about all the girls out there that were coming into all these wicked powers and not understanding why or what to do with them. I remembered what it was like for me to not have any proper guidance after my Watcher was killed and then after the fuck up with Gwendolyn Post and Wesley, I knew I owed it them to help them figure this thing out.

The thought of a bunch of mini Faith's running around out there either abusing their power or just lost as hell and flying in the wind with no direction, and I knew what I had to do. I pushed down my own need for redemption and decided to get on the savior train. It still didn't feel right though. When you've lived in the dark for so long, it's hard to step into the light without feeling ashamed and act like you deserve to be there, but more was riding on this than my need to be pay for what I've done.

Plus it was a chance to right a few wrongs by the people I'd hurt. I knew they wanted to trust and believe in me which is why they wanted me with them because face it, they could've gone on with their new slayer gig without me. It was also a chance for me to trust and believe in myself and others.

We all floated around together for a while, first in L.A. with Angel, which is where I was able to get my prison sentence reduced and with time served I was a free woman, and the little jailbreak I did was never even a factor. It didn't hurt that I had a vamp that was head of an evil law firm with connections to boot.

After L.A. we migrated to Dull As Fuck, Ohio. There was a Hellmouth there, so naturally it was the place that a Slayer….or Slayers needed to be. We were holed up there for a couple of years, kicking ass and taking names, but it was also the place where things finally came to a head between me and Buffy.

I knew she didn't approve of me being in the fold and she took every opportunity to tell me or show it. It wasn't until one night that she stumbled across me in the training room. Let the record show though, that I don't think it was by chance that she'd come down when I was by myself getting in a good workout after having to sit back and play teacher to a group of newbies on a patrol. Being a teacher meant I actually had to teach, meaning standing aside and watching the juniors tear into baddies while I had all this pent up energy inside of me waiting to be let loose.

After not being able to dust even a newborn vamp fresh from the grave, I found myself in the training room at four in the morning. That's where Buffy found me and decided she wanted to work out as well. I knew she was up to no good though and was looking for a fight. I tried to ignore her...really I did, but the tension between us was more than obvious. That and she kept throwing these little comments in that were starting to grate on my last fucking nerves.

I was wired up and just really done with taking her shit. In the beginning, I thought I deserved it, seeing as I was free and out living a life that I didn't think I really deserved. I tolerated her insults thinking she needed to get out her frustrations and didn't even throw anything back at her. Well not much of anything. How could I? I'd done so much shit to her back in the day, to all of them. The memories of it all probably would never stop stinging. I tied up and hit her mom, stole her body, sided with the bad guy to destroy the world, tried to kill her boyfriend; albeit a vampire, but still.

No matter what my own justifications where and what drove me to do all of those horrible things, I was the one in the wrong back then. But after all this time I'd put in sticking by her, busting my ass and risking my life while helping her train and gather the Slayers we were still doing this same song and dance.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't looking for a medal or anything, after all I'm a Slayer and I was doing my job by doing what was right for the world and the people in it. But when it was all said and done, none of it really matter and B was the only one that couldn't see that I was different…or at least maturing and trying to be better. What's even more fucked up was that she was the one person that I needed it to matter to the most.

I'm not even sure how the argument started that night, but it wasn't until she said, 'I don't see how Willow would dare compare what you've done to me to what Angel has done. At least he didn't have a soul, what was your excuse?' That's when I had reached my breaking point. Not to mention I was so over her comparing me to Soulboy.

Angel and I are cool and all, after all he did help more than anyone ever has in my life. Not to mention he helped give me a clean slate, but I was sick of Buffy and it didn't stop me from finally saying to her what I've been dying to say where Angel and his tormented soul deal is concerned. I'd had enough, so I let her have it.

'Yeah B, Angel did have a soul, he had a soul when he fucked you and it caused him to lose it, and what did he do? He went all psycho vamp on your ass. He killed Giles's girl, stalked you…but that's nothing new because he stalked your ass when he had a soul. And guess what? You still forgave him even after you had to stab him and send his ass to hell. So I don't see where Angel and I are all that different because you stabbed my ass too! The fact that I didn't die and I'm a helluva lot stronger than you ever gave me credit for is what separates us.'

'There are a ton of things that separate the two of you. One of those things is Angel will always be better than you.' That was her weak response, but as weak as it was, it burned me to the core to hear her say that, because even after all the shit she'd put me through with all the good I was doing, or at least trying to do, she still couldn't see that I had changed. Stupid little fang banger.

'You know what the only difference was between me and Angel?' I asked her, and I hadn't realized it at the time of my rant that we had started gravitating closer to each other and we were now standing toe to toe.

With a grin on her face that made me want slap it right off and with a shitty chuckle she answered, 'What's the difference Faith? He made it look good?'

I clenched my fist and with a chuckle as evil as the one she'd just given me I answered. 'No B, you seem to think I'm a bigger bad than the vamps out there that fall at your feet, the only difference is…he got to fuck you.'

I was in her face and so close I can feel the heat and the rage coming off of her. I brought my face inches away from her with my lips close enough to kiss her. I didn't though, I'm not that stupid. 'Maybe if you weren't so uptight and would let me get between that hot little 'I fuck bad boys for fun' pussy of yours, you could forgive me too since that seems to be the only way.'

I grabbed her hip with one hand and pull her roughly against me and ran my other down the length of her arm. I was surprised that she hadn't pushed me away and clocked me, but the fact that she didn't only encouraged me even more. I moved my lips to her ear to speak directly into it, my voice all husky and dripping with sex.

'C'mon Princess, let's have a go just once…see if I can take away all that anger you're feeling towards me. I gotta tell ya B, it'll be wicked. I'll lick so good and make you come in my mouth while screaming my name…and when I come up looking like a glazed donut, I'll slide my fingers inside of you so deep and fuck you so good and hard, you'll be wondering just what the hell you've been doing all this time and why you haven't been doing it with me."

I felt her shiver at that and I pulled back to look at her with a sexy as hell smirk in place. Her eyes were narrowed but I could still see that her pupils were dilated and I wasn't sure if it was because she was disgusted by what I said or if it turned her on. I sure as hell was. If she would've given me the green light, I would've done exactly what I said right there in the training room, hell I wanted to do it to her. Needless to say, she didn't, and she shoved me away hard.

'Don't ever touch me again do you understand me? Who I sleep with is none of your goddamn business Faith, and you can rest assured that it will never be with you.'

That hurt. For so many reasons that fucking hurt. She'd rather fuck vamps who've fucked her over, or guys that she doesn't give a shit about, but the one person who would die for her, she treats like the fucking plague.

With my fists clenched, I felt like my blood was on fire. I wanted to hurt her, simply because she couldn't find it within herself to stop hurting me. So I hit the one sore spot I definitely know she has. Her one great, tragic, sad ass love story.

'No B, I don't get to touch you….that's reserved for the dead. But has it ever occurred to you that Angel's one moment of true happiness is when he was between your legs? You would think that with the great love that the two of you pretended to have that every moment he had with you he'd be truly happy. I mean he claims to love you right? Why couldn't just being with you be enough for him to be that happy all the time? Or maybe he was….maybe they got the curse twisted and it was a lousy lay that brought Angelus out instead…maybe it was Angel's moment of being truly pissed that was the soul breaker.'

I was on a rant, but what I was saying was something I'd always wanted to say to her because of the way I feel about her, and simply because that's the way it is. The fact that Angel got to kiss her, got to touch her…just be with her and see that cute little half smile of hers directed solely at him and know that she was his unconditionally would've been enough for me to lose my soul over.

But no, the only time he ever felt one moment of true happiness with her was when he fucked her. It's always made me sick and think that he never truly loved or deserved her. Apparently she didn't see it that way though, and neither did he.

My effort to piss her off and hurt her had reached hit it's mark and I know she was seeing red, because at that point she lashed out and punched me with as much Slayer force as she could manage. It hurt like a bitch too. It left my ears ringing and my vision cloudy, but that didn't stop me from attacking her back.

That night B and I hurt each other, probably more than we ever had before. Physically anyway. We both ended up in the infirmary, battered and bruised. The others weren't so happy with us, they expressed their disappointment thoroughly and I after my anger had cleared enough, I must say, I was quite disappointed in myself too. So there B and I were, holed up together in the infirmary. I think it was done on purpose, that we were in the same wing together.

I'm guessing the others thought we needed to talk things out and hoped that we wouldn't start fighting again. I just think they were stupid for sticking us together after what just happened. I guess they thought that with the position that we both were in, that the fighting, at least the physical part of it was over…for now anyway.

My shoulder had been dislocated…again, but that wasn't the worst of it. I had a concussion and a broken nose that her initial punch had caused, a few broken ribs and a broken collarbone. Buffy didn't fare any better though, some of the bones in her hand were fractured, that I blame all on her though. I'm sure she did that when she tried to knock my head off my neck.

She also had a concussion, a dislocated jaw, and a cut above her eye which blood had poured into, fucking up her vision during the fight and allowing me to deliver a blow that gave her a couple of broken ribs too. What a fucking pair we were, looking like we'd just survived an apocalypse that took place in a plane crash.

All of the past pain and suffering we'd caused each other had finally come to a head. Needless to say, once my anger subsided and I had a chance to really cool off, I felt lower than I'd ever felt before. Even though I meant what I said to her about Angel, her never being able to forgive me….and yes, especially about fucking her, I never wanted to hurt her that bad, not physically anyway. It tore me up inside to see the physical pain I had done so I bite the bullet and swallowed it down with my pride. Later that night after the ringing in my head went away, I hobbled over to the bed she was in and sat down.

She wouldn't even look at me and that hurt in a way that was more than physical. But what else could I expect, her to hug me and tell me it would get better? Yeah fucking right, if it were that simple we wouldn't have been where we were to begin with. So I just sat there for a long while just looking at her, trying to find the courage to say what I needed to say. All the while though, I kept thinking that even though she was all swollen and covered in bruises, she was the most beautiful thing I'd even laid eyes on.

After a while I guess she started to get pissed at me just staring at her because she finally looked at me and said, 'What are you doing Faith, trying to find a spot on me that you haven't hit?' I shook my head, still trying to find the words to say, until I just said what felt right.

'I'm sorry Buffy….and not just for what happened tonight, for….for everything,' I told her sincerely and then I laid a hand on her leg and gave it a little squeeze. I didn't have to, or even want to go into detail of what I meant when I said everything because I'm sure she knew. She narrowed her eyes at me and I was sure she was about to fly off the bed and start pummeling me again. She didn't though, she just laid there watching me until I got up and went back to my own bed.

We were only in the infirmary for two days after that because Slayer healing is a beautiful thing. Even though we were still broken up, the doc saw enough improvement to know that in a few weeks we'd be good as new. I was happy as fuck to get the all clear because even though it was a short while, the room was filled with so much fucking tension I felt like I was gonna choke on it.

That was when I decided that I couldn't be so close to her any longer and when I was 100% again I started taking on missions in places far away from her. I always came back though, because no matter how much pain we'd caused each other I just couldn't be away from her for too long. How fucked up is that?

A year later the move to Scotland came and we made that the new 'home'. It turned out that Scotland had a nastier Hellmouth than Cleveland or Sunnydale ever did, and the decision was made to motor. Leaving a capable Slayer cell in Cleveland, we made the trek. I still went away to help out in other places but still I made my home where she was.

It wasn't until about six months after the move, and well over a year after our big fight, that one night when we were celebrating avoiding the next apocalypse that she took my hand and pulled me aside. She had that cute as fuck little shy half smile on her face and she said, 'Thank you…and not just for what happened tonight with the avoiding certain death and world doom again….but for everything.' With that smile still in place she squeezed my hand a little before she walked away. I watched her for a long moment up until she turned back towards me and smiled again, then walked out of the room. If were a vampire with a cursed soul, I would've lost it.

Things started changing between us after that, it wasn't anything drastic, just little shit here and there with us at least being civil to each other. The air around us became easier to breathe and when we were in the same room with each other it wasn't filled with so much tension. Well, there was still some tension on my part, of the sexual variety that is. My desire for her was still on the front burner and blazing hot. But what else was new?

She stopped with the bitchy comments and trying her best to get under my skin. We even started hanging out a little, granted, the gang was always around at first. I think they were more on edge than B and I were and wanted to make sure we wouldn't start fighting again. We were good though, well…about as good as we could be with each other, while getting to know each other all over again. Sure, we argued sometimes, but it was usually about slaying related shit.

She even went as far to tell me that she thought I was taking on too many missions without giving myself a break. I kinda think she just missed me sometimes and didn't want to admit it. For her to even mention it though was enough for me to put some time between missions and to start being around more. It was a good call too, because that's when we actually started getting closer. We went out more, and without our band of merry men tagging along.

B and I figured that we were adult enough to not throw any punches at each other so we didn't need Slayersitters. After a while, things just got a whole lot easier and we grew into caring about each other and being friends. Let the record show though, I've always cared about her, even when it didn't seem like I did, and over time how I feel has only gotten stronger. Something I didn't even think was possible.

We could do shit like patrol, or just sit in a room and eat together in silence, and it was actually comfortable. I was able to be my usual self and flirted and joked around and didn't have to worry about her getting all uptight about it. She'd genuinely laugh and blush, and even flirted and joked back. When she was trying to have her way, she'd do that god awful adorable pouting thing she does that will probably be the death of me one day. We even made a promise that we would be more careful with each other. It was cute as hell the way she approached it and it became something that sort has become our 'thing'.

It was another night that I needed to work out some non-slaying frustrations after an uneventful training night for me and I found myself in the training room. When I got there B was there working out her own frustrations. I think it may have been because of bad break up number two since we'd been in Scotland. But it was the first time we'd found ourselves alone in a training room together since the all-out brawl we'd had.

When I walked into the room she waivered slightly on her workout, but she kept going. And just like that, the tension in the room got thick as fuck. We never talked about that night in the training room in Cleveland, but now here we were in a place similar and suddenly it started to rear its ugly head. I started to tape up my hands, getting ready to go pummel the punching bag when I finally noticed that she had stopped what she was doing and was staring at me. I knew it was on her mind, because hell it was on mine too.

After a few moments, I sighed and started out of the room because it was just too much. I didn't want that to be brought back up and undo whatever progress she and I had made. She stopped me from leaving though, and walked over and stood in front of me. Her face was red, she was breathing heavily and her skin glowed with the sweat she had worked up. She was sexy as hell in her little workout gear, all breathless and sweaty. This was so not the time to be thinking about wanting to get her naked.

'Promise me,' she said breaking me out of my untimely wicked thoughts.

I just looked at her and said, 'huh?'

She laughed and wiped some sweat from her brow, but she said it again, 'Promise me."

'Just what am I supposed to be promising you here B? I mean you could be asking for a limb or some other body part. Wait, body parts I'm willing to give ya, but only if it's on my terms.' I winked at her obviously trying to lighten the mood but I was ready and willing had she said the word but then I realized hell hadn't frozen over yet. At least I didn't think it had.

She slugged me in the shoulder lightly and looked away shyly with her patent smile in place before looking back at me. 'We're cool right?' She looked nervous which was making me nervous, but I nodded with a slight shrug. 'And we're all about raking over new leaves and all the other not so fun yard work, right?' I couldn't help the smirk that crossed my lips at that because she was just too damn cute in all her Buffy-ism glory. I nodded again though.

'Well good, because I like to think we got enough water under our bridge for you to trust me….or at least that you want to?' She looked hopeful when she asked.

Another nod from me, because honestly, I did trust her, or at least I was starting to trust that she didn't want to hurt me anymore and I sure as hell didn't want to hurt her.

'Okay then,' she answered with a beautiful grin that told me she was pleased with me agreeing. 'Promise me." She said again.

I nodded again and said, 'Anything.'

And just like that, knowing that whatever she was asking me to promise her, if it was in my power I'd do or give to her. That made her smile wider and as corny as it sounds, my heart skipped a beat knowing I put that smile on her face.

'We haven't always done right by each other or cared enough to at least try to, so promise me that we're done trying to make each other black and blue or hurt each other with words. I'm so over that if you are.'

I let her words roll around in my head for a moment because I thought that we had already gotten past that phase in our lives. I guess since we never actually talked about it and just let things happen naturally, it needed to be said out loud. Not that I really had to think about it all that much though, because I never wanted to hurt her like that ever again. Even though she gave as good as she got, it killed me seeing how much pain I had inflicted on her.

After staring into her gorgeous hazel eyes for longer than my heart could take, I moved closer to her and like I had the right too, I brought my hand up to the back of her head and placed a kiss on top of it. When I pulled back her face had reddened even more from the blush that had crept up over it and I'm sure I was blushing as well. We weren't all with the touchy feely then, but I had given her my answer, she knew it and she was satisfied with it.

"So you coming by the loft later to hang a bit?" I look at her, bringing myself back to the here and now and waiting to break the tension between us.

She looks at me briefly before turning her attention back to the folder in front of her. "Probably not, some of us still have responsibilities," she says and jots something down on the paper in front of her.

I peer over at what she's doing and suck my teeth. "It looks done to me."

"According to your standards, it probably would be, but we need to do something with the extra time the girls have now so I'm adding more classes to the schedules," she explains without looking at me. "Without being able to go out right now and put pointy things in the bad guys, they have way too much pent up energy. Idle Slayers that can't slay equal bad."

"Oh I'm sure they can find ways to burn off all that excess energy B," I point out and when she looks over at me I wiggle my brows to let her know what I mean, but I'm sure she could've guessed it without the special effects. She rolls her eyes at me and it makes me laugh a little. "You can't tell me you and ole boy toy aren't finding ways to get rid of your excess energy. Or maybe that's the problem and why you're taking it out on the girls with these extra classes. You're not getting it as good as you'd like," I tease her, but I'm dead ass serious because there's no way he's hitting that right.

"Faith," she says warningly and I can see she's blushing a little.

I chuckle at her tone, still ever the prude. "Relax B, it's not my fault your boy can't keep up. I bet you make him feed you low-fat yogurt when he's done and you're left all frustrated, dontcha? He probably falls asleep before you're even done eating."

I throw a dimpled grin at her when she whips her head around to look at me with a scowl. She glares for a moment before she turns back to the folder in front of her and starts scribbling something again.

"Okay, just for that little comment I'm adding you for four extra classes."

"What? Four extra!" I yell out and look over at her paper more closely and sure enough my name has been added to teach some classes, but I see her scribbling it down again and adding times to it. "Oh c'mon B, this is supposed to be my down time….remember?" I say with a whining tone.

"You weren't gone long and you said you didn't even get to kill those demons you were tracking. Did you really think you were going to get off that easy and just sit around and play video games?"

"Uh, yeah….I really did, now you've gone and fucked up my plans of being a bum," I tell her, but I smile to let her know I'm kidding. I'm sure she knew anyway, which is why she added me in the first place without asking.

"Well sorry to interrupt your plans at doing nothing Faith, but you have crossbows at eight tomorrow morning, I'm posting this schedule once we're done here." She goes back to scribbling on her schedule again. I can see that she just added that shit in to torture me, but I can't help but smile at the blush she's still donning.

"Whatever B, I'll be there, but only if you stop by tonight."

She chuckles a little, but doesn't look at me, "That's non-negotiable, your class is still on whether I'm there tonight or not."

"So what, you got plans or something B?" I probe trying to see what she's really up to tonight. "You planning on working off some of that energy tonight?" And there goes the brows again.

"That's none of your business," she replies with a small smile that I can see doesn't quite reach her eyes, and shakes her head. She's right, because not only is it none of my business, the thought of her getting it on with some dude is some shit I don't even want to be thinking about, let alone hearing her talk about.

"Besides, why do you even care if I'm there? You didn't even bother to let me know you were home," she frowns slightly when she says this, and just as I'm about to drum up a reply, she continues. "I'm sure with your little girlfriend there you won't even notice if I'm there or not anyway. She'll be there right?" She throws out there, and her tone was so condescending that it makes me pause for a second and just look at her curiously.

I still haven't said anything, mainly because I still trying to figure her out. I guess because I've decided to go all mute on her all of a sudden, she finally turns to look at me and finds me watching her. "What? You can drill me but I can't ask you about the woman you're getting all domesticated with?"

I let out a sound that's a cross between a snicker and a scoff. "Trust me B, there's nothing domestic about what me and her have been doing. In fact, I think….," I start but she promptly throws up her hand in a halting gesture.

"Okay stop…that's….that's enough Faith. I'm sure I don't want to hear you finish that sentence," she interrupts, shakes her head and turns back to start writing in her folder again.

I smile devilishly at her about to tell her she's probably right when more people enter the room and B picks her head up to look at them. Red walks over and sits across the table from us and gives Buffy an expectant look. Buffy just gives her a playful eye roll and shakes her head before giving her a small smile. Red then looks at me and she's all smiles before throwing up her hand to wave.

"Hey Faith! We're glad you're back….right Buff?" Buffy raises her head and gives her a warning look and Red eyes widening slightly. "Oh because everyone missed you a lot not just Buffy." I hear Buffy groan beside me and watch as Red's face falls a little. So B missed me, and she talked about it with Red? I can't help but be amused.

"And not just you know, Buffy…but all of us, because, yaay welcome back Faith." She throws a little punch in the air and I can't help but grin at her. She then looks over to Buffy and smiles guiltily before her eyes fall back on me and I raise a suspicious brow at her before she looks away quickly.

What the hell is wrong with these two? I won't ask though, because I know I won't get either of them to tell whatever secrets they're keeping. When her and Red start getting all hand and eye-signally, that means some girl talk is either in order, or they've had some girl talk. I can't help but be curious if said girl talk has included me. Probably not though, it's probably about Buffy's new flavor of the month. I swear they act like they're still in high school.

"You're all here…and before me, I must admit this is rather surprising," Giles says as he walks in carrying some old ass looking book and sits it on the table. They seem to be permanently attached to his hand whenever I seem him.

"Well damn, we've only been waiting….," I glance down at my nonexistent watch on my arm, "like forever for you to show up. Can we get on with it already? Places to go and all that good shit." I throw at grin at him.

"Ah yes Faith, welcome home. Good to see you made it back in one piece. Did you accomplish your task while you were away?"

"No dice G-man, the HBIC put me on ice and I was ordered to stand down on the mission." I tell Giles and I can feel B glaring at me over the comment, but I don't look at her. "So I'm hoping you got a bead on these new vamps so I can go wreck some shit….feeling all kindsa antsy here."

He looks around the room to confirm that all of the necessary people are here before nodding. "I take it you all know why we're here. Faith, I assume Buffy has filled you in on the situation we're dealing with?" I roll my eyes at him for asking me that because what part of what I just said to him makes him think that she hasn't.

Sensing my annoyance, he continues. "Yes, of course she has." I nod at him and he looks kinda embarrassed. "I've been in contact with the other Slayer Headquarters, and it appears that none of them have come across this new species of vampire at all."

"Wait so does that mean we're not grounded anymore? Us kiddies get to go out and play?" I get a little excited, hoping he agrees because I'm seriously itching for a good slay.

"I don't see any cause to not have things resume to normal Faith."

"Hell yeah," I announce loudly and some of the other Slayers in the room share my enthusiasm. It'd short lived though, I can see it written all over Giles.

"Whereas things can go on as normal elsewhere Faith, I err on the side of caution here in Scotland where we have had these sightings."

"So wait, the neighbor's kids can go out but we can't?" I frown slightly at the thought of still having to be held back. "That's bullshit! We're Slayers for fuck sakes, we need to be out there actively hunting these things instead of being holed up doing jack shit!"

"Faith, we've had girls die here, or does that not mean anything to you?"

I look over at Buffy at she looks at me all disappointed and like she wants to smack me. I have to frown at this because she has to be the dumbest person on the planet if she thinks that. "Of course I care, why would you even ask me some stupid shit like that?"

"Well then I think that's settled," Giles interrupts us before it turns into something ugly. "Whereas we should get back out and resume things to keep the local population of demons under control, we have to be careful and stay out of the general vicinity of where we've had girls taken."

I grumble under my breath and turn away from B's icy glare and slump back into my chair with my arms crossed over my chest. Yeah I'm sulking and I'm also still pissed.

"We don't know exactly how many of this new vampire species are still out there or how they came to be," Giles continues and I have to interrupt him.

"Hold on,…so you mean to tell me you brought us all here to tell us that we still don't have jack shit on these new vamps?"

Giles pulls his glasses off and rubs at his eyes. I can see that he's tired, he's probably been up around the clock trying to figure out the sitch here. Putting his glasses back on he turns to look at me. "Yes Faith, as you so animatedly put it, I'm afraid we still are coming up empty with this. Willow has been in contact with several covens, and I've discussed this with some contacts as well and we can't find an origin on them. Even Angel has expressed concerned seeing as in all his time on this earth he's never came across anything that we are describing. The fact that this isn't worldwide is indeed good news though. It means that we've isolated it to one region which so happens to be here and I," I hold up my hand to stop him again.

"Okay, like I said, we still don't know anything which means we're going to sit here and theorize on a bunch of shit we don't know. We're going to sit around and waste time reading your dusty ass books, eating donuts only to realize we aren't any closer to finding out where these bastards come from and if there are more of them lurking around out there because we're all sitting around with our tails tucked. Am I right?"

"That was quite a mouthful Faith, but yes, I suppose it's possible we still won't be any closer to knowing anything more for a while."

"Well fuck that," I stand up and gesture around the room, "Ya'll can sit around here if you want. Call a bitch when you know something concrete, or we come up with some sort of plan of attack." I start walking towards the door then. No one tries to stop me, but I hear the scraping of a chair on the floor as I make it to the door and open it.

"Well shit, if she gets to leave then so do I." It's Kennedy, I knew she'd be right behind me on the 'fuck it' train. I can hear a serious amount of chatter from the other squad leaders, followed by more chairs scraping across the floor. Even though I'm still a little pissed at Buffy and her comment, I have to laugh at this. Monkey see, monkey do I guess.

"Stop," B yells before anyone can actually make it out of the room, and just the tone in her voice has everyone stopping all movement. Even my ass stops to turn towards her, but she gives me a dismissive wave. "You can go Faith, you already know what's expected of you, besides, you'll do what you want anyway."

I narrow my eyes at her for that statement and I want to tell her to fuck off but I don't. "Not my circus not my monkey's B." And then I walk away. I can hear what she's saying though as I reach the door and head out.

"Before you all leave, I've made a tentative schedule of a few extra classes that I will be giving all of you and I expect you to make sure everyone on your squad attends at least two more of one of these classes a day. It's totally up to them which ones they want to join in on, but with all the down time I want to make sure everyone is doing something constructive with themselves until we can figure out a better patrol routine, one that keeps us all alive."

I'm about halfway down the corridor and I can hear footsteps closing in behind me.

"Damn, that's brutal…no wonder no one likes her," Kennedy jokes as she falls in step beside me as we make our way down the hallway.

I chuckle a bit but can't help but come to B's defense even though she was a bitch to me. "Yeah but she's right, we don't need baby Slayers sitting around with nothing to do, they need something to focus on. Especially the younger and newer ones, they need more structure and routine so they don't get lazy since we can't take them out right now like we normally would."

"Yeah, whatever…I guess she's right," Kennedy sighs.

"Of course she is, you think she'd have it any other way?" That makes Kennedy laugh and I laugh along with her.

"So where you headed?" She asks me.

"Its lunchtime, a Slayers gotta eat."

"I hear that," she laughs slightly. "So Xander says we're all getting together at your place tonight, he trying to get you to play that damn new football game he has?"

"Yeah he is, mentioned something about needing some competition since you suck at it," I grin and take a sideways glance at her.

"Oh c'mon dude, you know sport games aren't my thing." She whining now.

"Yeah mine either, but I can hold my own without the game being a total blowout." I can't resist the chance to rib her a little.

"Whatever, I'll bring over something more suitable so I can redeem myself against him and kick your ass a little too." She says and looks down at her watch.

"Keep dreaming junior, you've never been able to kick my ass….at anything." She shoots me a look because she hates it when I call her that. She thinks because she helped out with the First and leads a squad now that she's as good as me and Buffy. I think not. She can still hold her own though and is one of our best, even if she is still junior.

"Alright, I'm out. I need to get ready for a class in about an hour so I'll see you tonight," she tells me as she starts to jog away.

"Yo, you better make sure you check out B's little honey-do list because I'm sure your name is on it for a few extra classes too. Miss them and she'll have your head on a stake!" I call out after her.

"Yeah, yeah," she throws over her shoulder with a dismissive wave as she turns a corner and out of view.

I head towards the stairs and make my way towards the cafeteria and think about what I'm going to do with myself for the rest of the day. I don't have any plans for the rest of the afternoon and no classes scheduled with just getting back and all. My first thoughts are to find Buffy and let her know I don't appreciate her attitude, but I know it'll just end up with us fighting and I'm so not in the mood for that shit. I need to think of other ways to annoy the hell out of her.

I know, I'll interrupt and attempt to takeover whatever classes she's teaching later, that will surely piss her off. Gotta get my kicks some kind of way, even if it's at her expense. I guess she was right, an idle Slayer that can't slay does equal bad, I think with a grin.


	3. Let the Games Begin

I splash some cold water on my face and reach over and grab a towel off the rack to dry it. Putting it back in its place, I bring my hands down and brace myself against the sink and look at myself in the mirror. "What the hell does she think she's doing?" I mumble to myself with a slight frown before reaching up to run a hand through my hair.

We kicked off our little game-fest a couple of hours ago and everyone is having a good time drinking some beers, taking a few shots, and just shooting the shit and relaxing. Xander's acting like a total asshat because he's kicking my ass at Madden. What can I say, sport games aren't really my thing. Give me something with some combo moves or some run and gun and I'm all over that shit, but sports? Not so much.

That's not what has me up in my bathroom hiding out and talking to myself like some crazy chick though. No, my little cowering episode is caused by none other than the tipsy little cute blonde chick that decided she was going to show up tonight after all. That's right, Buffy finally made it over and decided she wanted to fuck with my head a little. Now, I don't think it's intentional, the girl can't hold her alcohol for shit, this we all know. However, the fact that she's been all over me since she took her third shot of tequila is what's got my head in spin.

B and I patched up our little almost-spat from this morning. She came to see me right after she was done making sure all of the squad leaders had their girls signed up for her little impromptu classes, and apologized for being such a bitch. And yep, just like that I forgave her, not that there was anything to forgive. Just because we're all good now and making with the friendly doesn't mean we're going to always agree and get along. We're allowed to have disagreements, hell with us being so different we're bound to collide. The trick is that we know when to draw that line with each other now, so the world doesn't come crashing down around us like it has in the past.

So we're all just sitting around, having a good time, I'm seated on the floor with my back against the couch and what does she do? She comes and sits behind me so that I'm seated between her legs. Now the scent of her is all around me and she smells so damn good that it's intoxicating and makes my head spin. The heat from her body is surrounding me in a warmth that makes me just want to melt into her.

No big deal right? Wrong…it is a big deal simply because one, she never does that. That's like some shit couples do. In fact I've seen Red and Ken that way a few times when we're hanging out and I admit, it's kinda cute seeing them that way. In me and B's case though, it's way too intimate for the nature of our relationship. We're just friends.

I try to ignore her, really I do, and I'm also try to ignore the sly looks Kennedy kept throwing my way. But not only am I sitting B between her legs, she's been running her hands over my head and rubbing my shoulder a little. It feels damn good and it makes that rush of energy that I feel when she's near go into overdrive.

But I say again, she never does that. Sure, we get down with the playful, touchy feely stuff sometimes, and I flirt with her all the time, and sometimes she flirts back. I mean friends do that sort of thing, right? It's never really meant anything other than that we're comfortable with each other now to do shit like that. But what she's been doing tonight though, is just way too much and it's really fucking with my head. Case and point, me up here in the bathroom wondering why I'm acting like such a pussy and reading so much into this.

After finally scoring a touchdown on Xander's ass because I refuse to let him just beat me down like that, I jumped up and started talking mad shit to him. It was all in good fun, everyone was laughing and messing with him. I was acting like I'd won the damn game, but I was just happy to score that one damn touchdown knowing that the game wasn't going to be a blowout like he'd predicted. So when I finally sat my happy ass back down….and yes, I did sit back down between her legs like I belonged there, B drapes an arm over me and leans down.

'You're such a spaz.' She whispers in my ear and then chuckles slightly. Goosebumps started forming all over me at the tone of her voice and the way her lips brushed along my ear. Before my brain could come up with a reply, she brings an arm up to cradle my head and places a kiss on the side of it and rests her forehead against my temple. 'And it's really adorable.'

I turned my head slightly and could see she had her eyes closed. Her lips were parted and I could feel her warm breath against me. My heart was beating so hard it was making my chest move. I turned my head slightly and when I did, she moved her arm and buried her hand in my hair. I licked my lips, and it seemed like she knew that I did and I watched as her tongue slowly slid out over her own. And damn that shit turned me on and it took all I had not to close the small distance between us.

Instead what do I do? I freak out a little….and okay, so I freaked out a lot and stood up. She looked up at me all confused and I and gave her an uneasy smile. I looked around the room a bit, but no one seemed to be paying any attention to us, except for Kennedy who had a shit eating grin on her face that I wanted to smack right the hell off. I scowled at her, knowing that she's probably gonna give me shit about this later and I gave a lame excuse that I had to go to the bathroom. Not that it was that much of an excuse because I really did have to go, I'd drank quite a few beers, but it was a good enough excuse to get me away from her and making a fool of myself.

You see, this isn't the first time I've almost done something stupid like kiss Buffy. I mean yeah, there's been a few times I've actually thought about it. Okay, so I've thought about it plenty, but there's only been one other time other than tonight that I've almost given in. The first time was a little over a year ago on her birthday.

A few of the juniors decided it would be a good idea to throw Buffy a surprise birthday party. Really, I just think it was an excuse for them to party. But hey, they need some kind of normalcy in their lives too, can't be all about fighting and killing. It's why I think the Scoobs, sans Buffy, finally agreed even though they know how she is when it comes to her birthday.

The castle is big enough that they were able to go all cloak and dagger and her not find out about it. Plus she had mentioned to anyone that was willing to listen that she did not want to make a big deal out of her birthday. Ever. So I think she was expecting them to actually listen.

Needless to say, she freaked out big time when she was finally led onto the courtyard near the back of the castle and saw what was going on. She turned around and walked right the fuck off, saying she'd be up in her room sharpening her knives and stakes, preparing for when the shit hit the fan. Such a damn drama queen.

I originally wasn't supposed to be there because I was on a demon tracking mission, but after an unsuccessful night I thought what the hell, and at the last minute decided to have Willow transport me back for the night. After spewing my guts out in my room, I cleaned up and joined in on the festivities only to find B not there.

After learning about her meltdown, I went to search for the missing birthday girl, hoping I could convince her to just kick back and relax. Yeah, I was wrong….initially anyway. After I found her stewing in her room, she went on a rant about how her birthdays are cursed and how they shouldn't have thrown her a party to celebrate. She was thoroughly pissed, but I could see that she was also a little sad about it. I think she really wanted to be a part of it, but just couldn't get over her fear of bad things happening on her birthday.

I was at a loss for what to do, but I hated seeing her so jaded about it. So fuck it, I just went for it. Don't get me wrong, I would've happily stayed in her room with her all night, I mean she was the reason I had teleported in. But I knew the juniors felt bad about her running out. After all, they didn't know about her irrational fear of celebrating her birthday, no one had actually explained it to them and were afraid they had done something wrong.

I promised her that I'd make sure she had a good time and we'd kick the shit out of anything that dared to ruin her night. The Chosen Two together, along with our band of merry Slayers could put the beat down on anything that dared try to fuck this night up for her. Then I told her that she wouldn't get the present I had for her if she didn't. For a girly girl like B, that got her attention. Needless to say, I hadn't really bought her anything.

Now at this point B and I were okay, better than okay even, and over the course of the time we'd been doing the getting to know you thing she told me about her hating to celebrate on her birthday. So I actually listened to her and didn't get her anything like the asshole that I am. What can I say, when a chick says she doesn't want to celebrate her birthday you should listen right? Wrong again, because I saw the way her eyes lit up when I alluded to the fact that I had gotten her something. So yeah, I was fucked.

Even though she was adamant about not coming down, she was intrigued at how I was planning on 'showing her a good time', plus she wanted to see what I'd gotten her. So on top of having to make an attempt to make her forget about the party and the impending doom, I had to come up with something to actually give her. Sounds complicated, yeah? Yeah I thought so too. This means I had to improvise.

While she went about putting away her weapons, I ran off to my room to see what I could come up with on the fly. Grabbing what I needed, I met her in the hallway and we went off to join the party. The whole way down she was looking at me, trying to figure out if I had anything stashed away.

'Chill out B, I got this.' I told her when she wouldn't give up on trying to figure out what I was up too. I really didn't though, but I was hoping what I was going to do she'd be okay with and manage to enjoy herself at the same time.

See, I have this playlist on my Ipod, one of many, each meant for different things. There's one for my workouts, one for getting the adrenaline going before going out slaying, but more to the point, one made especially for her. It's made up of songs that make me think of her, how I feel about her or just us in general. Needless to say it has some slow jams about love and some other shit thrown in there. You know, the kind of shit you only listen to when you dig the hell out of someone. As I took her hand and led her down to the room where the party was held, I was nervous as fuck and starting to rethink my decision and considered telling her to just go back to her room and sulk. I couldn't do that though. Seeing the way her eyes light up and the fact that she actually was trusting me to make things good for her, gave me the courage to do whatever I had to do to make sure she was okay about celebrating her birthday. Plus I wanted to make her happy.

When we walked into the room, the party was still underway. Despite feeling bad about B's exit, the kiddies were still having a good time. I could see the Scoobs visibly light up at the fact that I'd actually gotten her to come back down. I was still nervous as hell though. I don't know what the hell I was thinking wanting to share this with her. Hopefully I could pass it off as just some tunes I liked and thought maybe she'd appreciate them too and not see them for what they were.

Refusing to be deterred, I pulled her out to where the others where dancing and then pulled out my Ipod along with headphone splitter and the extra pair of headphones that came with the accessory pack I bought a while ago that I had snagged from my room.

Plugging in all of the gadgets to it, I handed her the extra pair of headphones. Taking them in her hand, she looked at me with a frown. 'You got me headphones? Great, just what I needed. I'm sure they must've cost a fortune. But hey, maybe I can drown out what these girls are passing for music these days.'

'Yeah B, that's the plan.' Sarcastic little shit. She said it all with a smile though. She was right about the music though, wasn't really my style either and I'll listen to just about anything. Then I smiled a dimpled grin at her and leaned in closer to her so she could hear me and I confessed. I told her that I really didn't get her anything, making sure to throw in there that I actually paid attention when she said she didn't want to celebrate her birthday. I told her that despite my little lie, I was hoping she'd give this a chance and just go with it.

I put my earphones in and motioned for her to do the same. After giving me a skeptical look, she finally relented and put the pair I had given her in her ears. This made me smile wider and breath a sigh of relief that she didn't run out on me. After selecting the playlist I wanted, I told her I hoped she liked the music. She laughed and told me that she'd heard some of the music I listened too and most of it gave her a headache. Refusing to explain more, and telling her that this was something a little different than the 'kill the puppies' music she'd heard blasting when I'm working out.

Once again swallowing my nerves, and a little of my pride because under no other circumstance would I be able to let her listen to this playlist and not feel self conscious about it, while hoping that I wasn't wearing my heart on my sleeve. Music holds a lot of meaning, and in the right setting, with the right person, it can tell you everything you need to know about how a person feels, or it can say what they never would. Plus this all felt like I'd made a mixtape or something for her. Do people even do that kind of shit anymore?

I don't know what I was thinking when I thought just being with me, and trying to make the world melt away, would be enough for her to forget about the impending doom she associates with her birthdays. I just wanted to make her happy, and prayed to the PtB that I could make it happen without giving too much of myself away.

So I attempted to make a joke out of it, and told her that this was going to be my lame attempt at trying to get her to just forget about hating her birthdays and the fact that I didn't actually buy her anything. She laughed, nodded and told me she'd think about forgiving me only if the night turned was demon-free.

I selected the playlist I wanted, turned the volume up to drown out as much as I could of the music surrounding us, and then hit shuffle. I stuck the Ipod in my front pocket, and as the strumming of the guitar on 'Make Love To Me Forever' by Snow Patrol began I pulled her closer. I placed my hands on her hips and looked in her eyes. She stared at me for a few moments before she finally allowed her hands that were on my biceps, to snake their way upwards, and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

We danced like that for the entirety of the short song, me with my hands on her hips and her with her arms around my neck as we stared into each other's eyes. It felt intense as hell and had me wondering just what the hell I'd gotten myself into. I wasn't backing down though, I was going to see this through to the end if she went along with it.

For the next few of songs we danced close. Not that we had much of a choice with being hooked in together and all, but it felt nice. We danced to a few more songs, sometimes appropriately, and sometimes not so appropriately, to a few tunes like 'In Your Eyes', by Peter Gabriel, 'Wild Horses', the remake by The Sundays, 'Did I Imagine You', by Dot Allison, 'This Year's Love'' by David Gray, and my ultimate favorite, 'We Belong', by Pat Benatar. It always makes me think about me and B.

It made me get really grabby with her and I pulled her impossibly closer and wrapped my arms around her waist. She didn't seem to mind though and wrapped her arms tighter around my neck and laid her head against mine, which was buried in the crook of her neck, and we moved to the beat of the music. I even found myself pulling back on certain parts to look at her and mouth the words of the song.

I suggested we take a break after that because I was feeling way too damn much at that point, so we headed off to mingle around. We never separated though because B held my hand the entire night and when we chatted for a bit, about nothing in general to each other and to others. She only pulled the Ipod out of my pocket and turned the volume down on it so we could hear.

There was one particular moment when Eminem's 'Crazy in Love' started playing that B chuckled in mid-conversation with Willow and then she looked to me and rolled her eyes slightly. I grinned and then winked at her and I could've swore she blushed. I wondered if she had figured out what the playlist was all about, but if she did, she didn't say anything and went back to chatting it up with her friend.

We danced together the entire night, taking breaks in between when something faster started playing and chatted it up with some of the other Slayers or her friends. A few of the younger Slayers asked about the headphones and told us how "dorky" we looked with the slow dancing when others around us were dancing to the faster beats. We both just laughed about it and B told them that we old people just moved slower. She kept me close though, and I was content to stay by her side the entire night. 

We finally went back on the dance floor after we'd had enough of the mingling, but it was getting late and some of the others had started leaving, and I knew it was also nearing the end of the playlist. I was happy that she had stayed the entire night and seemed to be enjoying herself, and it was a plus that no demons had made an appearance, and nothing had gone wrong. Mission accomplished. Another song started up and it was 'One And Only', by Adele. Now don't get me wrong, all of the other songs make me think about her, but this one in particular really tugs at my heart where she's concerned. I thought about pulling away and letting the night end for us, but I just couldn't, and it didn't seem like she wanted it to end either.

My heart thudded in my chest and I knew she could feel it, because I could feel hers as we danced in each other's arms to the music as the words filtered through the headphones. Before I knew it, my hands had started to roam again. They'd started on her hips, but as she pulled me closer, they slid around her waist. They slowly began an ascent and I started rubbing her back. Her hands started to move also. Her arms, which were wrapped tightly around my neck, had loosened as one of her hands tightly gripped my shoulder and the other found its way to the back of my head.

By the time the song was nearing an end, she had dug her hand into my hair and pulled back slightly. I pulled back as well and we were locked in a gaze so intense that the building could've crashed down around us and I wouldn't have noticed. I don't know if it was just me imagining things, or just tunnel vision that had impaired my senses as I saw only her, but it was if her head was slowly moving forward. I licked my lips and lowered my head slightly.

I wanted to kiss her so bad and I moved in, she didn't appear to be backing away. My heart thudded impossibly harder and blood was rushing so fast through me that it drowned out even the sound of the music in my ears. Before I could lean in and close the distance, a very distinct flash broke my vision.

We both pulled back suddenly and looked over to where the flashing light had come from. There stood Xander in all his oblivious, mood killer glory with a camera and a grin on his face. By that time the song had ended and so had the playlist. I looked back at Buffy and smiled nervously, she seemed to be just as nervous as I was. She untangled herself from me and stepped back slightly, so I reached up and pulled the headphones out of her ears, and did the same to mine.

Once she was free, she moved away completely and I tucked the headphones into my pocket with a sigh. She thanked me for making her birthday "less sucky". I just shrugged and told her that it was probably the music the others were listening to that probably kept all the big nasty's away. We both laughed uneasily while trying to avoid looking at each other.

Xander had made his way over to where we were and started chatting it up with her about the party and how he was glad she'd decided to come down and join in. He gave me a pat on the back for a job well done and then I watched her walk away with him. Even though I was a little frustrated with him, I ran a nervous hand through my hair and silently thanked him for the interruption. I'm not sure what would've happened if he hadn't, but what I am sure of is that I probably would've kissed Buffy that night, which could've been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I did get a copy of that pic he snapped though. What can I say, it was a good night for us while it lasted.

But no matter how good it felt to hold her in my arms and feel like we were the only two people in the world, I knew that whatever moment we had was now over and was probably all in my head. And now I had to get going back to my mission, and not a moment too soon because I don't know how I could look her in the eyes again after almost screwing things up by doing something like trying to kiss her. I felt like I'd violated the trust we were building and that's what fucks with me the most. Later on when I got back from my mission, she did ask if I would download the playlist into her Ipod, and even knowing what it meant to me, how could I say no? And that means she liked it and wasn't weirded out by it, right? 

"Get it together," I give myself a little pep talk while getting my head back into the here and now and hope things won't be awkward when I go back down stairs. I flip the light off and step into my room, I freeze when I see B has made her way up and is now curled up in my bed. The moon is full and bright, and it's spilling over into the room through the outside balcony. I watch her for a second with the moon seemingly illuminating the figure laying in my bed like she's some kind of heavenly being. Kinda makes sense seeing she spent a some time there.

"Whatcha doing B? You alright over there?" I take a few steps towards the bed.

"Mmmm, just resting my eyes." She sounds tired. "And trying to stop the room from spinning," she says with a little chuckle. It makes me chuckle too. No more alcohol for her.

"Good luck with that." I smile a little at how cute she looks and I'm loving the way she looks in my bed. "I'll leave you to it then." I start walking towards the door, forcing my eyes away from her.

"No."

"No?" I stop in my tracks and look back to her and watch as she raises her head a little and pats the space beside her, inviting me over.

I glance towards the railing, hearing the commotion going on downstairs and knowing that it won't be too much longer before the drunken mob starts wailing for us to come back down. But this is an offer I can't refuse, so I pad my way over to her. Once I reach the side of the bed she leans up and grabs my wrist and pulls me down to lay with her.

Not really knowing where she wants me, or if I want to be so close to her right now with the way she's been acting with being all over me, I just lay behind her while trying not to touch her. She sighs and slides her body back closer into mine and then pulls my arm around her. Apparently she has opposing ideas about not being close. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but one thing I am sure of is that I'm loving the way she feels against me. Her warmth envelops me again and she's softly stroking her thumb over the back of my hand and leaving a warm tingling feeling in its wake.

"You sure you're okay?" I whisper and bring my arm up to prop my head against my hand and look down at her.

Another sigh from her and she turns to lie on her back. I look down at her, looking into her eyes and I get lost.

"I'm fine Faith, just a little too much to drink I guess. You know me and alcohol aren't the best of buds." She giggles a little when says that but then she's all quiet again and is just laying there looking at me. She's right, she can't handle alcohol for shit.

I can't help but stare at her because she's just so damn perfect and beautiful. Sometimes when I look at her, it hurts. My heart contracts painfully, like it's trying to free itself from the painful vise grip she has it in. My stomach churns itself in knots as if it's trying to swallow down the feelings that I have for her. It's so damn agonizing sometimes because I know that she's not mine and never will or can be. It's something I made peace with a long time ago and something I've come to be content with. Just knowing that we've made peace with each other is enough, and it's better this way.

The kind of crazy love I have for her is better kept in check and I'm content with keeping it under wraps. I've done it for so long it's become as natural to me as breathing. I slay, I fuck at will, and she tries to make a go with whatever guy she deems worthy at the time…all is right with the world. And my sanity, for the most part. I stay away long enough to not have to be witness to her fawn over her guy and I get what I need from whoever I want. Yep. Perfectly natural.

But still, I can't help myself because I can't look away from her. My eyes study her closely as she looks up at me with a soft smile playing on her lips. Even though I don't know what she's thinking, I can always tell what kind of mood she's in…her eyes give her away. They seem to change color by her mood and I wonder if she knows that they do that.

Right now they're the color of the ocean when it's green. They're so clear with just a hint of light brown swirling around the edges and right now I feel like I'm drowning in them. It means she's content, at rest….she just is. When she's mad or excited, the sea of green mixes together with light brown making them hazel. Like a storm raging inside of her eyes, making the colors come together, and it pulls me under even further to watch the colors mix together. But no matter what color they are, they're beautiful, and I lose myself in them each time I look into them.

As I watch her watching me, I try not to think about how much I want to lean down and kiss her. It'd be so easy to do it because she's so close, like she has been so many times before, and like all the other times, I know that I won't. I can't, B and I are just friends and doing something stupid like that will just lead to badness.

Then she surprises me and reaches up and tucks some hair behind my ear and then her hand slides down over my neck before she rests it on my face. I fight the shudder thats willing its way out of my body at the feel of her warm hand against my face. She smiles a little and strokes her thumb across my cheek before she removes it and turns back onto her side.

I release a shuddered breath and plop down on the bed. What the hell is this girl doing to me? I know she doesn't mean anything by it, but damn…if only she knew what she was doing to me she wouldn't do things like that, or anything at all, except keep her distance.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I bring myself out of my moping to answer her. She's started up the slow stroking on the back of my hand again and I just bask in the feel of it. She's quiet for a long time before she finally asks her question.

"I know you said that you weren't dating that woman that you were with last night," she starts, and I groan.

"B…c'mon now don't start that shit again," I groan out and turn my head into the bed, really not wanting to have this conversation again.

"Let me finish, please?" She taps her thumb over the back of my hand as a warning. I sigh out heavily and bring my head back around to lie against the bed, but I don't say another word. I just listen. "I know you say you two aren't dating, but you're actually sleeping with her right?'

Uh….we've established that already haven't we? And as if I asked the question out loud, she continues.

"I mean I know you're sleeping with her, but does she actually stay the night? I mean you brought her here and you had been drinking. I like to think you're responsible enough to not drink and drive, so that means you had the intention for her to stay."

So basically she's asking if this chick was just a simple 'get some and get gone', or if I had plans on fucking her and then snuggling afterwards? I guess it's a valid question, but not one I'm exactly sure why she's taken such a big interest in. She has a boyfriend after all, why does she care who I keep, or don't keep, in my bed?

"Buffy," I whine and drop my head heavily into the mattress face first again.

"I'm just wondering why you never told me you were dating someone."

"That's because I'm not," I mumble against the bed.

"Sure looks like it to me," she disputes and she sounds so sad. So much in fact that it makes me raise my head to look at her again.

"Like I said before, it doesn't mean anything," I answer truthfully. She apparently isn't satisfied with that answer and she turns over to look at me with a frown.

"It has too." She shakes her head slightly. "You say you're not into relationships, and I've heard you say countless times that you never stick around for morning afters. So what makes this time so different? Why does she get to stay?"

The last part is said so quietly that if I wasn't laying right next to her I probably wouldn't have heard her.

I regard her for a moment because she's taking this way too seriously and I can't figure out why it even matters this much to her. I want to ask her, but with the way the conversation is going I'm sure it'll come off as being defensive and will probably just further drive her suspicions. Or maybe she just thinks I'm not letting her in on some important part of my life, and that's so not the case here.

"It doesn't mean anything B. I'm not the one to get caught up in the emotional bullshit. The dating scene isn't for me, you know that. I don't want to make myself responsible for someone else's happiness when I know I can't give them what they're looking for, you know? So I keep it simple and just do what feels good. It's like what you have with your guy, but it's only sex...not all the emotional baggage that comes along with being with what's his name," I'm trying to explain but she interrupts me.

"Orlan, that's his name, we dated for six months, I can't believe you don't remember his name," she says with a little smile on her face.

Ah yes….Orlan, that's that fuckers name or at least that's what B calls him. Orlando, that's the flavor of the year's name and he's the typical cookie cutter boy toy that she falls for. At least of the human variety. When it comes to her human lovers she's still looking for normal. She wants the tall, chiseled from a God handsome type with a 9-5, and totally oblivious of who and what she is, or does. She likes to be taken on dates, and have flowers sent to her 'just because'.

That's no way for someone like her to live her life though. I mean sure she deserves all those things that she wants in a relationship, but she needs someone who's going to accept her for who and what she is, and that's a Slayer…one of the best ever. Or maybe that's just my way of thinking because I can't stand to see her with those guys she falls for.

I guess I just need to realize that despite who she is and all she's done….she's still just a girl. And B's a girly girl, one that needs to be shown she's wanted, desired, and treated right, and I suppose that's what he does for her. Guess I should be happy for her, that's what friends do, right?

"Not like I've been around all that much to get to know the guy B." I shrug a little and refrain from telling her that I really don't give a shit to know him either.

"Well I guess it doesn't matter now anyway." She closes her eyes and sighs.

"Why not?" I frown, but really it doesn't matter whether it's then or now, him or his name never mattered.

She opens her eyes to look at me and she sighs before she turns over to lay on her back. "We broke up," she says quietly, "or more accurately he broke up with me."

Well damn. If I had been paying more attention I would've caught on to the fact that she said "dated". But oh well. I try not to show just how happy I am about that because really I guess I shouldn't be, but whatever, it makes me feel good not to have to think about some guy getting to be with her. Call me selfish because I still get mine whenever I need it, but it's not the same and I call it for what it is….get some, get gone.

I prop my head against my hand again and lay my other on her stomach and nudge her a little. "So what do I need to do, just rough him up a little or does he need to spend some time in the hospital?"

She rolls her head in my direction and laughs a little. "Neither will be necessary but its sweet of you to ask that….again." She's smiling at me now because it's something I always ask when she's had a breakup. And that's what every good woman like B needs in her life, a friend that will be willing to throw down and break a few bones on the asshole that broke her heart or just fucked with her. I don't know how many she's had exactly since we left Sunnydale, but in my book, way too damn many.

Usually she finds some hot, clean cut stud that flashes the pearly whites and feeds her all the lines of normalcy and romance that she wants to hear and is desperately seeking, but once the newness wears off or the sex gets boring, cause let's face it, a Slayer having normal everyday sex with a run of the mill Joe blow just doesn't cut it in the end, trust me, I know. Or she has to start telling lies about why she has to cut dates short or run out in the middle of the night because the world is in some peril, either she or he decides it's not working out and it ends. Just like that.

This means not only do I have to sit back and watch her get all worked up over how great things where when they're going good, but I also have to sit back and help her put the pieces back together when they go belly up. So right now I'm waiting for the breakdown at hearing the news because I know it's bound to come. That's just how she is.

"Why can't I be more like you?"

What? That's totally something she's never asked before and something I never expected and I'm not even sure what she means by it. I hear her sigh, but I don't say anything just yet because I'm sensing that she has more to say, or ask. I just slide closer to her. Why? Because it just feels right. She sighs again when I do and shifts back onto her side to look up at me and then gives me that cute little half smile, the one that always make my heart do that fucked up beating thing it shouldn't be doing because I swear if she keeps doing it, it'll give me a heart attack one day.

"That's a weird question right?"

I chuckle. "I've heard you ask some weirder shit before B, I'm past the point of being weirded out or shocked by anything that comes out of that pretty little mouth of yours." She blushes slightly at that and just smiles wider. It was a pretty weird question though, but she's been drinking which I guess is what's taking the edge off the break up she just told me about and why she isn't acting out and being a total chick about it. But I'm betting I can definitely give her something to take the edge off a lot better than the alcohol. We're not ready for that yet though, and probably never will be. Just friends remember?

"I mean if I were more like you then this wouldn't keep happening to me, right?" She sighs again and breaks out that cute little pout. "Why does this keep happening? Why can't I ever just find a nice, normal guy that wants to stay with me for more than a few months before taking off?"

I roll my eyes because we've been over this too many times before. But I guess it makes her feel better to talk about it even though it makes me want to rip my own tongue out so I won't have to talk about it, and puncture my eardrums so I won't have to listen to her whine about how she's not good enough for the losers she always end up with.

"Well it's cause you're defective B," I say nonchalantly, giving her an answer to her question. This causes her to gasp and look at me all shocked. I normally just try to reassure her that there's nothing that she's done to make her feel like such a failure. But enough is enough, she needs to hear the truth, or at least my version of it anyway.

"And not for the reasons you're thinking though Blondie, so reign in that lip. It's far too adorable and makes me want to do all kindsa unfriendly things to you."

She rolls her eyes, cause yeah, she thinks I'm not serious and just doing my usual flirting, but she puts it away anyway. "It's because you're all serial monogamy chick B. And I think you're looking a little too hard for Mr. Right for all the wrong reasons and passing up Mr. Right Now and not seeing him for what he is or what he could be."

"Oh yeah? And what's that Dr. Phil?" She sits up now and makes my arm fall away and it kinda disappoints me, but I don't sweat it.

"He was what he was B, Mr. Right Now, just like all the others. Someone you can get off with, scratch that itch for you and release some of that frustration you got going on down there." I make my point by shimmying a finger around over groin area.

"Oh stop." She swats at my hand playfully, and it makes me chuckle. "I don't want to hook up with some nameless Joe, screw for a few hours, and then pray I never see him again. That's kinda dirty and not to mention unsafe." She pulls a face when she says this. "Besides, if I'm out screwing around with the nameless Joe, how will I know I won't be missing out on Mr. Right?"

I roll my eyes at this circle we're about to fall in; we could be here all night with this. "Look B. You've spent far too much time looking for a guy you know doesn't exist for you."

"Faith how could you say that? You make it sound like I should just give up now!" She throws her hands up.

"That's because you should…no just let me explain." I add because she looks like she was about to protest or leave. I've obviously struck a nerve with the little blonde Slayer. So if I want to keep her here, and I really do, then I'll need to tell her what the fuck I'm going on about. I grab onto her elbow to stop her from moving, she shoots daggers at me with those gorgeous green eyes, so I have to counter with flashing my dimples. They seem to work because she settles back down on the bed, albeit not as close to me as she was before.

"All I'm saying is you've spent your life with guys you knew it wasn't gonna work with. First there was Angel, a relationship you knew was doomed from the beginning, no matter how much you fought for it… No, no, let me finish," I tell her and hold up my hand to keep her from interrupting me.

I chuckle when I see the pout that has made its way to her lips again. "What've I told you about this little tool of the devil, B?" I emphasize by tapping the tempting fleshy bottom lip and she grabs at my wrist and brings it down and lays it between us and she holds my hand.

"As I was saying…," I get back to business. "Then you have Mr. GQ Parker, who I must say B, that could've potentially been your best effort at having a casual fuck buddy."

"But I didn't want just a fuck buddy, Faith. I wanted him to take me on dates, the hand holding, bringing me flowers and all the other relationship goodness." Told you she was a girly girl.

"See that's the problem B. You went all clingy chick on him and didn't give him a chance to know the real you instead of the psycho you. But really, even if you hadn't given it up on the first date, it would've never worked out in the long run."

"And just why not. Parker was smart, he was in college! Smartness abound. He was easy on the eyes and…and he had great hair!" It's cute, even knowing the guy was a complete tool to her, she's still defending her right to be wrong.

"You were in college B, doesn't mean you're smart because you were." I tease, which as I suspected earns me a swat. "I'm kidding, you're a regular fucking Einstein."

"Now you're just making fun of me," she says with that adorable little pout she has. She just can't help herself with that thing, and neither can I for loving it so much.

"He was a rebound guy B." I tell her trying to get the conversation back on track, and to prevent myself from turning into a puddle of nothing. "Nothing ever lasts with a rebound guy." She only nods her understanding. She then shifts a little closer to me and I can't resist the urge to grab her hand again. When I do she looks down at our hands and she looks like she's trying to figure out the meaning of life before she starts rubbing her thumb across the back of my hand. That heated tingling feeling spreads through my body and it's really fucking distracting.

"I um…," I stop to take a second to clear my throat, "uh…where was I?

"Hmm..," she hums as if she's thinking about it then lifts her eyes to me. She doesn't say anything, she just stares and I don't know if I'm losing my mind at this point because it feels like she's moving closer to me because the distance between us is diminishing.

I don't know what the hell is happening here, so I continue on with the conversation at hand. "So um…yeah B, that brings us to Captain America . I don't even know why you even wasted your time with Riley, especially after you found out who he really was."

"What does him working with the Initiative have to do with anything?" She asks curiously. "Riley was a genuinely decent guy Faith, and he wanted me to be happy."

"But were you?" She doesn't answer me and I sort of expected that she wouldn't.

"I was." She looks like she's thinking about it, but I think it's more of her trying to convince herself than me because I know she's full of shit. "At first, when all we knew about each other was that we were two normal college kids, it worked, we worked."

"So in other words, it worked when you were lying to each other?"

She rolls her eyes and then looks at me. "Why do you always have to be so technical?"

"It's not being technical, it's called being right." I smirk at her. "C'mon B, you know even if he didn't turn out to be all secret agent man it wouldn't have worked. The fact that he was a part of something that related to your life as a Slayer, with the whole demon hunting thing, he still couldn't accept you for you. He couldn't handle his woman being stronger, faster and better than him at everything. It wounded his ego. You need someone to be an equal Buffy, and not some army experiment reject with the personality of a peanut hull. You need strength and understanding, someone who isn't gonna hold you back, but instead help you fight to the death if they have to, because that's what you're meant to do and that's what you deserve. Someone to be your equal."

Now she's looking at me all intense-like and she stops stroking my hand. I admit, it's making me kinda nervous. I'm expecting her to lash out at me for being so damn upfront and honest about her failed relationships.

"So you're saying I need someone like you?" The question was asked so softly and she's looking me in the eyes.

"Exactly," I say before I know it. "Wait…no," I frown a little and look away. She caught me off guard with that shit and now how I am supposed to explain. I slowly drag my eyes back to her, and she's looking at me with this amused look and my brain scrambles for something to say. "I um…well….ah, c'mon B, you know you already have me to kick around and take your shit. I'm a Slayer like you, I'm supposed to get how it is."

It was weak, I know, but how else was I supposed to answer that? 'Yeah B, I'm what you need. I can be with you night after night kicking the shit out whatever big bad that stands in our way and not slow you down. I can fuck you so good, and exactly how you need, you'll wonder what the hell you've been doing all this time because I know what it takes to calm that primal urge inside of you. How do I know? Because there's a part of you inside of me and I know exactly what it needs. Fuck no, I can't say that shit to her because it'd probably be last thing I say before she kills me or sends me out of the country.

She only smiles at the lame ass answer I give her though, causing me to sigh at what I'm hoping was a crisis averted. The last thing B needs to put in her head is that we have a shot at something more than friendship, not that she was saying that or anything, or that she even wants that. There's no way I'm gonna put her through my bullshit and end up on that list of losers that come and go.

"I never asked for this." She says in almost a whisper and it breaks my heart because I know she's talking about her calling.

"No, but you are who you are B, and you should never have to be less than what you are for anyone."

"I know, but, it just makes finding someone extremely difficult."

"Well maybe you should stop looking." I say with a shrug and I can tell she's thinking again and it takes her a long moment to say anything.

"But isn't that what life is all about? We live, we learn, we love. Then we have oodles of sex, get married…or should we get married before the oodles of sex, but I'm not that much of a prude for that to be a deal breaker obviously…and buy the big pretty house with the white picket fence and have fat chubby babies and get a dog." She recites the instilled American dream indubitably.

"That's a lot of 'we' in that little pipe dream B." I chuckle, trying to lighten her mood a little.

"You know what I mean." Her tone is playful and I'm glad for it.

"Yeah I know whatcha mean." I sigh just wishing she would stop letting her life revolve around trying to find someone to fit the mold of what she think life should be. "But is that really what you want? I mean you could've had that with Riley right? Soldier boy with a good steady job and a good solid background. And as flawed as he turned out to be, he could've given you some semblance of a normal life. Plus he knew all about you and the slaying, even participated in it. By standards…that was your normal."

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yeah, I guess in the end we never would've worked. He felt threatened by me being a Slayer and being stronger than he was. His testosterone fed ego would've never allowed for him to have stayed with me. It would've never lasted. I just think that before he found out about me being a slayer he was all, 'Ooh pretty girl to take to the frat parties and maybe take back to the farm to get her barefoot and milking goats.'"

I laugh hard at that. "You do have cute little feet B."

She laughs and I'm glad to hear it because I know she was just drowning in her 'I'm not good enough' pool of bullshit. She is good enough, just not for any of the guys she's trying to make things work with. Now she's looking at me again and she has a soft smile on her lips that makes me smile too. She squeezes my hand a little and then brings it up to her lips and kisses it. I try not to show just how much something as simple as that is affecting me and I close my eyes to get away from her lingering gaze.

"I always dump these type of messes I get myself into on you. I know you get tired of hearing it, believe me I'm tired of living it," she says with a soft chuckle. "But you always know how to make me feel better no matter how horrible I think things are at the time. And I guess what I'm trying to say before I keep saying stuff that I know you don't want to hear, because again with the always dumping stuff on you and…"

"Spit it out Blondie, not getting any younger here." She's rambling now in that cute Buffy way, and I know if I don't stop her we'll be here all night and she'll yet to have made her point.

She blushes slightly before she takes a calming breath. "I guess what I'm trying to say is it's good to have you here when I need you, Faith. You've always been here no matter what, so thank you."

She's looking at me with her shy half smile, it makes me smile and want to lay her down and kiss her slow and tell her I'll always be here whenever she needs me.

"S'no big deal B, I'm sure you'd do the same if I was a train wreck with relationships." I break out the dimples and grin to let her know I'm teasing her.

"You are a train wreck with relationships Faith," she laughs out before she sighs again, looking all serious. I swear the emotional rollercoaster she's on right now is making me dizzy. "And I just wished you would give it half chance for yourself and someone else to see how good I know you could be if you just let it happen." I raise my brow at that and she continues. "So you being here for me is a big deal Faith, at least to me it is." She drops her head and sighs and I can see that she's still kinda sad and it breaks my heart.

I sit up slightly, leaning on my elbow and I bring my finger up to her chin and lift it so that she meets my eyes. "No B," I answer softly, "It's not. Because I know that eventually you'll see that you're way too good for those guys. They don't get you. And I guess Angel is the exception here," I say with an eye roll, "But can you even honestly say that you loved them, any of them?" When she doesn't answer I continue. "So no real heartbreak there. I think it hurts your pride more to be dumped and you know it."

"Well what if I said I do know it?" She's moving now to lay back down but stops just as she's about to lay her head down against the bed and looks at me pointedly. "Not that I'm admitting that you're right or anything." Of course not.

"Well that's definitely a step in the right direction Blondie." I try to hide the smirk threatening to break out and I nod my approval. Finally, she's understands. Or maybe she has all along and is just a glutton for punishing herself with trying to find the right guy.

She smiles at me and situates herself to lay back down in front of me. She reaches behind and grabs my hand to pull my arm around her and I happily comply and bring my body down to spoon her. I'm such a fucking sucker for her and I think she knows it. We lay like this for a long moment before the silence is broken and I hear a yell from downstairs.

"Faith bring your ass back down here before I have to kill Xander!" It's Kennedy and I chuckle at her tone. They probably started a new game by now and the score is probably already embarrassing her. Then I hear…

"You don't think that they're, you know?" That was the forever with his mind in the gutter and in between a girl's legs, Xander. And if I didn't want to disturb Buffy, because I think she's fallen asleep on me, or move away from this feeling of her in my arms, I'd get up and go Slayer slap the shit out of him.

"Fuck no they ain't, Faith's too much of a pussy to try to get some from Buffy, we all know that." Kennedy again, and now everyone is laughing. Fucking brat.

Then that's when I feel more than hear Buffy chuckle and I groan and my face gets hot because I know she heard that shit. She doesn't say anything though, at least not about what dumb and dumber just said.

"Can I stay here tonight?" she asks sleepily and then closes her eyes.

"Of course, I'm sure the rest of the drunken mob will be bunking here tonight too. Just don't get pissy when they show up late for their classes tomorrow." That's how we roll. We hang, we get wasted, and then we find whatever available spot to crash.

She laughs quietly. "They won't be, I'll make sure they're all up bright and early to make sure everyone makes it to class on time. That includes you too….someone has to be the responsible one." She laughs again when I groan. "But I meant can I stay in here, with you?"

Ah hell. I had a feeling that's what she meant but I wasn't gonna ask seeing as she's all comfortable and about to fall asleep now. We've slept in the same vicinity before, but we've never shared a bed. This could get awkward.

"Is...is that okay?"

I look down at her and see she's looking at me again. I guess I got quiet on her too long when my brain shut down at her asking that.

"Uh, yeah sure B." I hope that didn't sound as uneasy as I feel. "Just don't go humping me in your sleep or anything," I say with a grin, trying to lighten the mood, and calm myself.

She smiles and then closes her eyes again. "No promises." Ah hell.

We're both quiet for a while, and I'm just staring down at her. Man, she's beautiful and I'm so screwed I think as I finally lay my head down next to hers and get as comfortable as I can. I want to ask if she wants to maybe get in the bed properly, but I don't want to disturb her. Plus that may means she'd want to undress and get a little more comfortable and I don't think my libido could handle a half naked Buffy in my bed right now.

"I guess you're right Faith." I hear her mumble and I could've swore she was asleep, or at least damn near close.

"Right about what?" I mumble back.

"I need to stop wasting my time looking for someone when I know I've already found this 'right person' and ending up with people I know don't really matter. The one who I know can give me everything I want and need. The one that just gets me," she mumbles out and tucks my arms under her tighter.

My eyes pop open at this and I frown, her words makes me sigh roughly. Didn't we just go over this?

"Oh Christ B. Seriously? You just broke up with what's his face and you already have another chump lined up? There is something seriously wrong with you girl and I can't seem to talk any sense into you." I sigh out again, not really wanting to hear about whatever new guy she has in mind. I'm so over this.

She only laughs quietly. "All this talk about me wanting to find someone normal, which you say will never happen, right?"

"Right B, just be content with your badassedness and know you look wicked doing it. Stop being such a chick and just go with it."

"Well, the only other person I can be myself with and hold nothing back is with you. You know all there is to know about me. You've seen me at my absolute worst. You know my flaws, and more importantly, my shoe size." I can hear the grin in her voice. And oh shit. Is she insinuating what I think she is, because if she is, a big fucking NO to that.

My heart starts pounding and I know she can feel it. I just stare at the back her of head and really hope she's just fucking with me. "I'm not buying you shoes, Blondie." I try to inject some humor into this fucked up sitch she's spewing. But she's right about the shoe thing. I do know the size of her tiny feet, hell I've bought far more for her than I care to admit and how fucked up is that? Buying her shit and I'm not even fucking her. I'm like the sugar daddy or something. "It's bad enough I have to suffer through helping you pick them out."

"Oh you love it, admit it." She's teasing me now.

"Oh hell no B, there is no way watching a chick try on 20 pairs of shoes to only buy one pair is a good time." Okay, so it's sorta a good time, but I only go because she lets me put the shoes on her sometimes. There's nothing sexier than having her calf sliding inside of my palm just before I reach down and slide the shoe onto her perfect little foot. How fucking Princess Charming of me. The only thing missing is me turning into a pumpkin. Wait. That doesn't sound right.

"Just face it F," she says and turns slowly in my embrace to face me. Her hand reaches up and tucks some hair behind my ear and then she places her hand against my cheek. "You're my perfect guy and you don't even know it yet."

I chuckle, but only to hide the strangled noise that was threatening to pull its way out of my mouth. "Yeah B," I indulge her and agree. "I'm your perfect guy. I'm here for you always and I promise to never let you down again. It's just too bad we're just friends." I have to throw that shit in there because there is no way in hell I'm even going there or letting her go there either.

"Hmmm," she says and moves her hand as she snuggles impossibly closer by burying her head into me and throws her arm around my waist. "Yeah Faith," she yawns sleepily, "just friends."

Ah hell.


	4. Dream Lover

" _The storm is getting closer," B says and her voice sounds distant like she's thinking about something. I open I my eyes to look up at her. She's sitting up with her back resting against the stern and I'm stretched out with my head in her lap. The breeze has picked up and it's ruffling her hair, making it dance across her shoulders and her face. She looks so perfect and peaceful as she stares out into the sea, but I know there's a storm brewing inside of her, much like the one we can both feel coming._

_I drag my eyes away from her and look up at the sky. It's darkening and angry clouds are taking shape preparing for what's to come. The waves are crashing harder in the distance, making the water surrounding us rock the boat._

" _I know, won't be long now," I acknowledge her, and she looks down at me. Looking back up at her, I give her an easy smile, one that I hope is reassuring, but she doesn't return it._

" _You won't make." She sounds so sad._

_My smile falters at her words and is quickly replaced by a frown. "Of course I will, I promise." She shakes her head violently in dispute and I sit up and turn to face her. Her eyes are dark and her face is etched with worry. I place a hand against her cheek and she closes her eyes at my touch. "I'll make it B, I promise. I'd die before I let anything happen to you, you know that right?"_

_She leans into my touch and turns her head to kiss the inside of my palm before letting a sad smile cross her lips. Turning her head back, she opens her eyes to look at me. I gasp in fear at what I see and quickly take my hand away and fall back landing in the middle of the boat. Her eyes are grayed over, her face is pale and it looks like she's looking through me._

" _I know, but when you do….who will save me?"_

* * *

It's been damn near three weeks since I've been back home and I'm feeling on edge. We've started up regular patrols again, feeling it necessary to get back in the swing of things to let the baddies know we still run this shit. Giles being the stick in mud that he is, cautioned us about going into the wooded area where they actually saw the flying vampires. Big mistake I think, we should be looking in the last place they were spotted, not running from them. Guess he wants to get a better handle on what we're dealing with before we actively go out and look for them. But I'm not complaining too much, we still get to go out and hunt.

We go out in brute force though just in case we run across some of those flying vamps somewhere else. Strength in a whole lot of numbers is the thing. The plan was to try to take one alive so we could see what it was all about, try to study it or some shit. It was a plan the brainiacs came up with and I guess I had to fall in line. I knew it was something I would have a hard time doing though considering all I wanted to do was make any I came across go up in a flaming pile of dust. I'm a Slayer for fucks sake, not a scientist. I'll keep quiet for now and kick the shit out of any flying vampires we come across.

Luckily for them, and unfortunately for me, we haven't come across a single one of the fuckers. I'm badass enough to believe that they got wind of me getting back and they hightailed their asses back to where they came from. Okay, so I'm not that delusional to think that, but I'm still a badass.

That's not the only thing that has me on edge though. B has been wanting to hang out more, some shit about wanting to make the most of our time together since I'm not taking on every mission that comes across my lap and I'm sticking around more until we get this flying vamp sitch under control. I'm cool with that I guess. With the dreams I've been having, I don't want to leave anything to chance. Better safe than sorry I say. I still haven't said anything to her about them, and she hasn't said anything to me so I'm not even sure if we're even sharing them or if they're prophetic. Regardless, until we figure things out, I need to keep an eye on her.

Keeping an eye on B and wanting to make sure she's safe is one thing, but now it seems that everywhere I turn she's there. I've started up a normal training routine with the girls, and after the first morning class is done we eat breakfast together. Then we end up hooking up for lunch or just hanging out afterwards before one of us has to go back to training. Then later, we always end up together, whether it be taking the kiddies out at night to patrol, or going out to grab a bite to eat or a movie, sometimes both.

I don't think in the three weeks we've fallen into this routine we've spent a day apart. It's kinda nice I must admit, I love being with her, but most nights I'm left so damn frustrated its un-fucking-real. Particularly after patrol, that's when the Slayer inside makes everything inside of me primal and needy. Usually I wouldn't hesitate to do what I need to tame the beast inside, but lately, I've been practicing some wicked self-control.

I would say I don't know what's wrong with me, but that would be the biggest lie I've ever told to myself. I know exactly what's going on, and I can't say that I like it all that much. The morning after me and B slept together….and yes, I mean we actually  _slept_ together, things have been….different, and a helluva lot more difficult. Things have been so different in fact that I can't even find it in me to go out and hook up with someone else. It's driving me fucking insane to think that I'd be doing something wrong if I did. I keep going over that night, or rather that morning and I know I'm all to blame for this mess I've gotten myself into.

After we finally stopped being all chatty she soon fell asleep. I know the exact moment when she did because I don't think I took my eyes off her the entire time. After we talked, we just laid together, not saying anything more. I watched the small smile on her face disappear and her lips evened out. I felt the rapid, strong thudding of her heart beat settle and watched the rise and fall of her chest as it slowed and she took slow even breaths. That's when I knew she was in the land of nod.

Even though I could feel the pull of sleep tugging away at me, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She looked so damn beautiful and peaceful, and it felt like she was mine. Stupid right? Hell yeah it is because I  _knew_ that she wasn't and never could be. Still didn't mean I didn't like having her in my arms, and in my bed though. It made me wonder what it would be like if she was mine. And after thinking it through it just made me realize why it would, or  _could_  never happen.

Other than the fact that B is the straightest chick I know, if hell were to freeze over and one day she realized she had an ounce of affection that was a little more than friendly, it would destroy me to know that it would never amount to the way I feel about her. I honestly don't think anyone could feel the way about someone, the way I feel about her. And I know it's dangerous to even try to push for more with her, and that's why I never will.

I respect her way to much, and what we have now to do something as stupid as let on to the way I feel. The word blow back comes to mind when I think about even letting her in on how I feel. Opening that door would only end with me being swallow whole and being consumed by the raging fire that burns inside of me for her. And it wouldn't just be me that gets burned, it would consume and destroy us both. Just like in Sunnydale.

Things are better the way they are, I get to have her in my life and feel for her as much as I need as just her friend and she's none the wiser. It's all good though. I've squashed my feelings for far too long to let one night of her getting wasted because some punk dumped again and made her feel sorry herself and made her get all cozy with me to let it ruin the friendship that we've built.

Waking up with her didn't help my cause though. I know that when I finally fell asleep we were laying really close to each other, but when we woke, things were a little more….interesting. Our positions had changed. During the course of the night, it was me that had somehow started crowding her.

She was on her back but still kinda leaning towards me with an arm under my neck and loosely wrapped around me. I had found my way sprawled out on top of her and my head was resting against the side of hers. My leg was thrown over hers and my hand had snaked its way under her shirt and I could feel her strong heart beat under my palm. My hand had settled under her right breast and I could feel the swell of it against my hand. It leaves me wondering how many times during the night I'd copped a feel.

As I was being pulled out of my sleep, and in my half-conscious state I must've thought I was dreaming or something. I could feel her there because my body felt the way it does only with her around, it was buzzing all over and that warm feeling I get from only her had intensified, but it's like my mind didn't really grasp the concept that she was  _actually_  there. I guess even in my mind, it was just too good to be true.

I mean it's not like she hasn't been the star of way to many of my dreams and fantasies before, so there was nothing to set this apart from the rest. I could feel the warmth of her body and her skin was hot under my palm as it slid down and across her stomach and I remember thinking how soft she felt. Then she stirred and slowly turned her body into mine, and when she did, it caused her leg to slip between my mine and the arm she had under my neck, wrapped around me more securely.

My head leaned in closer making my nose brush against hers and when it did, I felt her warm breath on my lips as what sounded like my name reached my ears coming from them. I answered with her name in return, and when I did, I felt her lips brush against mine. And that's when I did it. I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers. That's right, I fucking kissed her. And when my lips touched hers, hers parted with a soft sigh and I didn't hesitate to slide my tongue past them to taste more of her.

It felt like every part of me was on fire, and when I felt her tongue move against mine, that fire inside of me burned me to the core. The taste of her and the feel of her against me felt like heaven. We laid there, kissing and with me wrapped up in her embrace. I can remember how hard my heart was beating and then I opened my eyes. I broke the kiss and blinked a few times and that's when B started to come into focus. I could remember thinking, 'this is the part where she disappears', only she didn't. After a few more moments of staring at her, I came to my senses and then I panicked.

I pulled away from her so fast you would've thought she had the plague or something. I sat up quickly and brought myself to my knees and looked down at her like she was foreign to me. I guess my rapid movement jostled her, because she bolted up as well and looked around. She blinked rapidly, I guess trying to figure out where she was. After finally realizing that she was in no immediate danger, her eyes settled on me. A puzzled look came across her face, and then turned to one of concern. She asked if I was okay and if there was something wrong.

'Uh yeah B, I just made out with you while we were sleeping.' Nah, I couldn't exactly say that. I opened my mouth to tell her I was five by five, but the words couldn't make their way around the lump in my throat. So I only shook my head while trying to swallow it. She nodded and then fell against the bed heavily and stretched all sexy-like with a smile on her face before she finally looked back at me again and told me we should probably round up the troops.

I nodded dumbly and waited for her to say something….anything about what happened. Only she didn't, she only sat up slowly, stretched again while yawning and got out of bed. And true to her word, we all made it back to the castle in record time to get ready for the grueling day she'd plan.

She never said anything about what happened, and of course, neither did I. I figured she was still asleep and had no fucking clue what she was doing either. Because I'm sure if she was in control of herself that never would've happened. She probably would've handed me my ass and things would've gotten all weird between us. The fact that she didn't, lets me know that she was oblivious to the fact that I was feeling her up and had my tongue stuck down her throat I could probably taste what she had for dinner the previous night.

So that's my damn problem. I kissed B. I kissed her and it was the best feeling in the world, and now it's all I want to do. Well I want to do other things to. But that's a whole new brand of fucked up I don't want to get into right now. Even though she was asleep and I was living in my fantasy world, I can't get it out of my mind. I really need to get a grip on this shit because it's really fucking with my head and my body.

And it may just be me and my horniness that has me reading more into this, but she's more touchy feely than usual and generally just all up in my personal space. Like I said I'm not really complaining about it, only I  _am_ complaining about it. See the thing is when I'm with her, it means I'm not getting laid. And yes, that's a big damn deal because it's been way too damn long for me.

The last  _real_ attempt I had was the night I got home and B showed up which ended with me not getting any, and before that it had been nearly a month because I'd been out in the field tracking demons. Right now I'm working on about two months of no sex and that shit just ain't right. We've been out slaying almost every night and my hornies is going all kindsa crazy.

I can't exactly tell B that I don't want to hang with her because she's being a complete twat block. Not sure how she'd take that and there's the fact that I really do like just being with her and I don't wanna screw that up. The past couple of weeks have been really good. And it's not like I have it in me to be with anyone else right now. See my problem?

We've been to the club a few times too which really turned out to be a really bad idea. Dancing with B is just too damn much for me right now because all I can think about when we're dancing is fucking her. When she's so close and grinding up against me, it takes all I have not to drag her to some dark corner and give it to her good. Talk about a cunt tease. And I'm not sure what to do at this point though. I'm so close to jumping her and tell her that since she wants to take up all my time and be all up in my shit, it's only right that she puts out. I know that ain't happening because no way would I would say something like that to her and fuck things up between us. But something has to give.

"You know, if you tilt your head a little more you'd probably be able to get a good look at her cervix from that angle."

I roll my eyes and turn my head in the direction of the bratty distraction. I've just been sitting here on the bottom bleacher waiting for B to finish up her last class. She finished it with a cool down workout that involves a lot of stretching. And yeah, I've been sitting here for the last five minutes watching her stretch her body in ways I know I could have a lot of fun with.

She's currently bent over with her legs shoulder length apart and the palm of her hands on the floor with the whole class following suit. Only her back, and her perfect ass is facing me and I'd be an idiot not to look. Didn't realize I'd been looking that damn hard though. Or that I had an audience as well.

"Go fuck yourself junior." I tell her. Lame I know.

"I don't have too, I have a woman for that. But it looks like that's what you may be doing later." Damn, and she comes back swinging! Fucking brat.

"There a reason why you sharing in the same air as me right now?" I really don't need her giving me grief right now. I'm doing enough of that shit to myself. She's relentless with it though. I suspect she knows that I have some kind of feelings for Buffy, but she's never out-right said anything. She just drops these smart ass comments all the time that makes me want to smack the shit out of her.

"Yeah dumbass, it's called breathing."

"You know what Ken? If you weren't banging Goddess, I'd wipe the entire castle floor with your ass right now."

"I've considered that on many occasions, but guess it's a good thing that I am, huh?" She grins at me. "And hey, watch your mouth, only I get to call her that."

Not that Red is a Goddess or anything, but she's wicked powerful and happens to be in love with this jackass. Guess that'll keep me from hurting her….at least not to much, I still get to rough her up some when we spar. That's when I'm allowed to hit her. Hey now, maybe I'm on to something.

"Yo Ken, you wanna spare a little?" I ask with a smirk in place.

"Hell no I don't. I know what you're up too." She chuckles. "Besides, I didn't come here to give you shit okay?"

"Yeah?" I raise a brow at her. "And here I was thinking you were here to bust my balls, what was I thinking?"

"You have balls now?" She feigns surprise at her own stupid question. "They come with the meat package too? Damn, no wonder Buffy's been all over you lately." Damn she noticed that shit too?

I scowl at her and she laughs and holds her hands up in defense. "Okay okay….I'll get to the point." I nod. "So, you're off tonight….I'm off tonight and Will's still in Ontario doing witchy shit and hoping they can find out something about what we got going on here. I figured we could tap into the titty fund and go to the club later. You in?"

'The club' aka, 'strip joint'. A few of us have given the strip club we frequent the pseudonym of 'the club'. It's mainly because they think they're getting away with something when it's mentioned in the presence of their significant other or someone they don't want to know what we're up too. Luckily I don't have that problem. No one to hide anything from. And I guess I could use a night away from my blonde shadow to clear my head a little.

"In on what?" And great. B picks this particular time to show up. "What kind of trouble is she trying to get you into tonight?" Buffy fixes her gaze on me. The brat seems to want to make me more uncomfortable though and she answers instead.

"Well you see, Faith can only get into trouble if she actually had someone she was with that had a say in what she and I may, or may not be doing tonight that could be troublesome. The last time I checked, Faith was single. Or did I miss that memo?"

"Shut up Kennedy!" Both Buffy and I yell in unison.

"Hey! I'm just saying!"

"How about not saying jack?" I shoot her a look.

"C'mon dude, I just want to know if we're on for tonight, that's all." Kennedy grins at me in all her smartass glory. "Or do you have any other  _plans_ for tonight?"

"Nah, no plans tonight," I answer, then I see B frown a little. Shit. Do I have plans tonight? At least I don't think I have any. Buffy hasn't said anything about going out or wanting to hang later. Shit.

"So we're on then?"

Okay. Now I have a fucking dilemma. If I say yes, B will probably be all pissed off at me if she wanted to do something tonight. I guess she assumes that since we've been doing shit for the past few weeks together that it's okay to plan my nights without telling me. And hell, that's pretty much what she's being doing and I just go with it. And if I say no, I lose whatever cool points I have left with Kennedy and it will just be more ammo for her to shoot at me. Looks like I'm screwed either way.

I look over at Ken and she raises a brow at me, then I turn to look at B and she too has an eyebrow raised at me too. Are they fucking serious? I sigh and lean over slightly to rest my elbows against my legs and rub my sweaty palms together, getting ready to bite the bullet.

"There something you wanted to do tonight B?" I can hear Kennedy chuckle beside me.

"No…I guess not."

She guess not? What the hell does that mean? A simple yes or no would make my life a whole lot easier right now. But I'm not that lucky. I regard her for a few moments. And damn. I can't really gauge her reaction right now. I mean she doesn't  _look_ pissed or anything, but it's the damn tone in which she spoke that doesn't really sit well with me. Before I can say anything more, Ken decides to dig my grave a little deeper.

"Cool…looks like I'm picking you up at around nine." Kennedy says and then slaps me on the back before standing up and leaving. "Wear something hot….gonna be plenty of hot chicks for you to get in trouble with." The fucking brat calls over her shoulder and it makes me shake my head at her rubbing it in.

I frown slightly and watch her retreating form for a few moments before turning back to look at Buffy. She has this unreadable expression on her face that makes me even more uneasy.

"Okay, well I'm going to hit the shower, you two have fun tonight." B says before also turning to walk away.

"Buffy wait," I call after her, but she just keeps going.

"Call me tomorrow….if you're not too busy," she throws over her shoulder before disappearing out of sight.

What the hell just happened?

* * *

So last night was an epic fail. Kennedy picked me up at nine as planned and we made our way to 'the club.' The fact that I wasn't feeling it at all made the night a real fucking drag. The fact that I couldn't get Buffy and the kiss off my mind didn't help matters either. All I wanted to do was blow Kennedy off and go see her. I didn't though. I figured I owed it to myself to at least try to have a good time and make an attempt to get her off my mind.

Yeah well. That didn't happen at all. I figured by the time I checked my phone for the sixth time within an hour of being there to see if she had at least sent me a text, that trying to have fun wasn't gonna happen. Yep. A real fucking drag I was. I was even happy about the fact that Victoria, the chick I'd been banging wasn't working, it was her off night.

I'm sure if she was there suggestions would've been made for later and I'm not sure how that would've played out. And I know, I know….I've been bitching about not getting laid. But there's only one woman I want to be laying it to and she was somewhere probably plotting for my death. Not that I would try that with her anyway.

So for the majority of the night I sat posted up at the bar sipping on a beer and making small talk with the bartender. At least I wasn't pathetic enough to drown my sorrows and spill my guts to the guy. How fucking cliché would that be. Kennedy even made an attempt to get me off my ass and bought me a lap dance. The chick was smoking hot too. Nice rack and a nice ass.

But when I checked my phone for the second time during her grinding session, she sighed all dramatic-like and left. I did have the decency to look apologetic even though I couldn't care less. When we left the room I saw nice tits and ass chick hand Kennedy back her money. How nice of her I thought? Most would've probably kept it anyway. Kennedy made sure to clue me in on the fact that not only was I acting like a stick in the mud, but I was also ruining her night.

'Just fuck her already and get it out of your system!' Was the last thing she yelled to me when she dropped me off back at the loft two hours later. If only it was that easy.

After making my way inside I checked my phone again and nothing. How fucking pathetic. I figured B was still up seeing as it was Saturday night, still a decent hour and there are no classes on Sunday. So I sent her a message letting her know that I had called it a night and was home. She texted me back about twenty minutes later with a, 'K'. Yep. That's it. Just, 'K'. It took her twenty minutes just to respond with  _that?_ How fucking rude! I mean I don't know exactly what I was expecting her to say though.

'Did you have fun?' Nope, I missed you and thought about you the whole damn night.

'It's still kind of early, maybe we can do a late dinner.' You know I'm always hungry.

'Wanna come over and fuck?' On my way baby.

Nope, none of that. All I got was a fucking 'K'.

Spiteful little bitch.

* * *

The past three days have been hell. Buffy and I didn't go out and she always made an excuse on why we can't eat a meal together like we've been doing recently. I guess she was mad at me for going out with Ken last week and fuck me I can't figure out what her deal is. It was one damn night. I know she mentioned before about spending time together with me being home more now, but for fucks sake, I go out once without her and it's World War fucking three. I tried to ask her what's up her ass but I couldn't seem to pin her down for more than two minutes.

It was so damn frustrating. I missed her like crazy and it only got worse by the minute. See this is why I regret feeling the way I do about her. It's why I regret kissing her. It's driving me insane with need and got me acting like a fucking chick. This is why my feelings are best kept in check. No way could I deal with shit like this on a daily basis. I'd lose my damn mind. Probably like before when my feelings outweighed my sanity which in the long run, caused me to lose it.

How many times can I let this woman break my heart before it crumbles to pieces? No more is how many. I'm over this. Fuck her. Tonight I'm playing it cool. Gonna get my head out of my ass and not let my feelings for B run me again. And yeah. Tonight. Because we're going out. Imagine that.

After two days of her practically ignoring me, at the end of day three she came to see me. I had just gotten home and showered and set in for a night to chill. I was having a few beers, Xbox controller in hand and getting ready for some button mashing fun. And that's when I felt her. I waited a few minutes, not wanting to make a mad dash to the door to let her in. I didn't want to seem that desperate. But then she never knocked. So I waited some more.

After a few more minutes of nothing, I started to get curious so I go up and headed towards the door. About half way there, that's when a knock finally came. It sounded small and tentative and that turned into more than curiosity, it actually made me nervous. Finally making my way to the door, I pulled it open to see her standing looking a little nervous too.

'What's up with that?' I wondered. I asked her if something was wrong, and she countered by asking me if I was alone. Ah. So that's what was up. Guess she thought she was interrupting something like she did before. If only she knew.

So after a few more awkward moments she finally relaxed and apologized for being so 'unavailable' for the past few days. She never really told me what was up her ass, but it didn't matter. She said she was sorry, actually said she missed me too. Then I was sorry. For what I don't exactly know what, but I guess for whatever it was I did to piss her off. And the fact that she missed me? Yeah, I would've owned up to anything if it meant I got to keep the feeling that was inside of me when she said she missed me. But whatever. I'm squashing these feelings remember?

So we made plans to go out this weekend. And yep, actual plans. Not B showing up and suggesting we go out to do something and me agreeing telling her I have nothing to do anyway so why the hell not. So it's kinda like a date, huh? Only not. Because we're just friends. And friends don't date. They just hang. And that's what tonight is. Just hanging. Yep. Two friends that made plans to just hang. Nope. Not at all a date.

Right now I'm waiting in my jeep waiting for her and wondering where we're going tonight. When we made plans for this none date, I told B I didn't really care where we went, so she said she'd think of something. I just shrugged and said I was down for whatever. Only, I really hope we don't end up at a club or something because I don't think my raging libido could handle her right now in a club setting.

So now here I am waiting outside of the castle for her with the radio up loud and tapping my thumb on the steering wheel to the beat of the music. I was supposed to be here at seven, but I've known B long enough and having to wait on her a few times over the years to know seven usually means about seven-thirty for her. She's such a fucking chick.

I'm so lost in the tunes and my thoughts, that I don't even notice when she's at the door until she opens it and gets in. I mean I felt her, but that's because I knew she was close. So it startles me a little but when she sits down and closes the door I definitely notice.

She smells so damn good and she looks like a million bucks. Not that she doesn't always, but tonight she's dressed up and she looks good enough to eat. She has on this little black dress that I know all too well because I was with her when she bought it. I can remember thinking when she did, that I'd love to be the lucky fucker that took her out when she wore it. Or took her out of it.

The dress itself is sheer at the top and on the sleeves, but it has this mesh type material at the body of it that fits her like a glove. The skirt part of it is kinda stretchy and flares out a little at the bottom. And it's short as hell. It looks almost like lingerie and it's sexy as hell. My gaze travels over her until I reach her face and she's sporting that cute as fuck little half smile of hers. I clear my throat to bring myself out of the lusty haze I know is written all over my face.

"Damn B, I'm feeling all kindsa under dressed here. Where the fuck are we going?"

"No place special, and don't worry what you're wearing is fine. You look good." I can see her gaze sweep over me and it makes me shiver a little. She takes her eyes off me and reaches into her purse and pulls out a piece of paper to hand to me.

I flip on the overhead to see what she's given me and its some directions. I frown slightly because I don't know the place but I lean over and them it into the little mouthy direction giving gadget that came with the Jeep. I really hate the damn thing because it talks too damn much and it interrupts my music when it has something to say. I can't be bothered to actually look at the screen to see where it's leading so I guess I have to suffer.

After setting the directions I look at her again and she's staring at me. Our gazes are locked and it feels fucking intense. I feel like I need to lean over and kiss her and tell her how good she looks or something. But I know I don't have the right. And kissing her again is definitely not happening. I'm still trying to get over that shit. It's gone down like this a few times we've been out and I can't help but wonder what the hell she's thinking. I try not to put too much thought into it though because I know it doesn't mean shit. In the light though, I'm able to fully take in the sight of her and fuck me she's gorgeous.

Her makeup is light and classic and her lips are natural and pink but glossy. It looks like she didn't spend that much time on it, but I know better. I'm sure she spent a whole hour to get that 'I didn't do that much with my makeup' look. And damn I want to lean over and kiss her to know what flavor she's wearing because her lips looks so damn kissable right now. The fact that I know what she tastes like only drives my need even more.

"We um, we should probably get going, the reservations are for eight." She rubs her lips together bringing more attention to them as if she knows what I'm thinking.

"Reservations? We're going somewhere that needs reservations B? What the hell kind of joint is this?" I break my attention away from her lips to look up into her eyes.

"The kind where you don't get indigestion or grease stains in your clothes. There's no way I'm ruining this dress. I'm still trying to get out that stain from the other day when you dragged me to that diner at the end of town that has the word mystery in all their menu items."

"The mystery isn't what's in the food B, it's if you'll still be alive by the time you're done with your meal." I explain nonchalantly and try to hide the laugh at the disgusted expression she pulls.

"Then why'd you take me there if the food is…is like, all non food-like and mysterious?"

I shrug slightly, "Spent all my cash at the titty bar last week, it was my turn to fit the bill and the place was cheap." She gasps and now I really have to laugh at the expression she gives with that one.

"Is that where you and Kennedy went? Oh god, I'm going to grow a tail or something aren't I because I had the mystery meat loaf. It was some kind of tail sprouting demon wasn't it? And then my shirt with the mystery stain is going to come alive and try to eat me when I wear it again all because you're funding higher education at strip clubs."

Oh wow….and now I'm killing myself laughing because this girl is just too cute, and just too damn much. I honestly don't know whether to take her serious or not, but regardless, it's funny as hell. Now she's looking at me with that killer pout in place which kinda makes me think she's serious. Buffy can be a real blonde sometimes. If you didn't know her you'd take her for the average ditz when she's just being a chick and saying shit like she just did. I have to give it to her though, with the life we live and the life she's lived, I guess I can give her a break with the weird shit her mind comes up with.

"C'mon B, I'm kidding….you know I'm not gonna feed you anything that's gonna alter that hot little body of yours or come back to haunt you."

"So it was actual meat that I was eating then, right?"

I grin at her. "Yeah I guess it was." That makes her narrow her eyes at me. "Yeah B, it was real meat," I say with a chuckle. "Now let's motor, I'm starving." I look over at her and she's looking straight ahead now with her arms folded and she's pouting again. I grin and roll my eyes a little before reaching up to turn off the overhead light and getting ready to drive off.

Before I do though, I reach over and grab one of her hands, making her unfold her arms and squeeze it lightly. When she turns to look at me, I give her a little wink. Feeling her squeeze back, I know she's not mad with me or anything, and when she smiles back at me, I know she's definitely okay.

Normally our conversation is light and we talk about day to day shit, tease each other a little and just laugh together, but tonight things feel different and I can't quite place it. She's been unusually quiet and I'm too lost in my own thoughts to call her on it.

When I say things feel different, I don't know, it just feels like B and I are doing something totally different than what we've always done but something I don't quite know what. It could be the fact that she hasn't really said more than three sentences to me the whole thirty-minute trip it takes us and the fact that our hands stayed clasped together the entire ride.

Finally arriving at what I now know is a restaurant, I eye our surroundings out of the windshield and I see that the place has a valet. I shoot her a look and she just smiles really sweet back at me and it makes me roll my eyes. Pulling up to the curb, we both get out and one of the guys briskly walks over to me and extends his hands to give me a ticket. I take it and step back and wait for the Jeep to pull away and step closer to Buffy.

"Really B? You bring me to a swank restaurant without telling me? That's fucked up. Here you are looking like you've stepped out of a Cosmo mag and I look like I'm here to rob the joint." I tell her eyeing the place and taking in more the surroundings. There are nothing but couples here, decked out….well not all of them, some are dressed casual, but still.

I'm dressed in dark fitted jeans, a simple long sleeved white fitted tee with my collarless leather jacket and black boots. I was going for simple tonight because I was expecting our normal run of the mill local eating joint or a movie or something. Not some fancy restaurant where the bill is probably going to be about five times the norm and we probably get a snobby waiter.

I feel B's hands on me as she runs them over the arms of my leather jacket and I look at her. She's smiling at me again and standing so close. "You look good Faith, seriously. You have that whole rock star thing going on, it's actually kinda sexy."

"Yeah?" I can't help the grin that sets on my face as she says that.

"Oh yeah," her brows bounce once and she smiles and winks at me. "Now c'mon and stop fussing over what you're wearing. You can be such a girl sometimes." She teases.

"In case you haven't notice B, but I am a girl. You can check if ya want." I grin and wink at her.

She smiles all big and bright, then looks me over making sure to let her eyes linger on the parts that shows I'm definitely all woman. She licks her lips and finally drags her eyes up to meet my amused ones. Fuck I'm so wet right now just from her eyeing me. Is that normal? It can't be to get this turned on from being checked out.

"Nope haven't properly checked, but I definitely noticed." She counters and gives me a wink of her own. "Now let's go," she says and grabs my hand and starts towards the door. I'm starving." Yeah so am I, but what I'm thinking about eating definitely isn't on any menu.

When we get in the short line B stands in front of me but she doesn't let go of my hand and I try not to put too much thought into it. I do notice how close I am behind her and how my other hand has made its way to settle on her hip as we wait. We blend right in with the other couples here and if anyone didn't know better, they'd probably think we were one.

I try to take in the surroundings more, but it's mainly an attempt to take my mind off of her. A failed one at that because she completely fills my senses. The way she looks, the way she smells and with the way my body is humming all over, I just can't think about anything else but her.

"You look so damn good tonight B," I lean down and purr into her ear. And I just can't help myself. She has me feeling like a hungry wolf howling in the night and she's the only one that can salve this hunger inside of me. Plus, I've wanted to say that to her since I laid eyes on her tonight. The fact that she's holding my hand and standing so close is making me drown in my own desire for her.

"You think so?" She turns her head slightly towards me.

"I do. You're flawless, smell good too…good enough to eat," I add because I'm losing control and I'm so into her, not to mention I'm so damn horny.

"Mmmm," I hear her sigh out and lean back into me even more and rest her head against mine. "Later tonight, I'm going to remember you said that."

And just like she turned the table on my ass. I can't come up with a proper response because my brain just shut down at her comment. I feel her giggle a little because I know she knows she's stumped me. Luckily I'm saved from losing all of my cools points as she moves us up and further inside. And thank fucking god because I'm sure I'd still be standing here like an idiot with absolutely nothing to say.

I vaguely hear her tell the maître d her name, because yeah my head is in a fog and then we're moving again. Our hands are still clasped together and I want to pull away from her, mainly to wipe off my sweaty palm because the heat that I feel from her just got turned all the way up.

Being brought to our table, the guy is all smiles as he pulls out both our chairs and places menus down on the table. B finally releases me and takes her seat and I do the same. I scoot my chair closer to the table and start looking around, it's mainly to keep from looking at her. With my mind still in a fog, I hear the guy say something about hoping we enjoy our dinner and that our waiter will be with us shortly.

"So anything particular you feel like eating tonight? I feel like I could eat a mystery horse right now." I hear B say and I drag my eyes to her. She's staring down at her menu, and I'm staring at her.

"Yeah B, definitely something I feel like eating tonight. Thought I made that clear before we walked in." She looks up at me now and a shy smile dances across her lips and I can see her blush a little.

"On the menu Faith," she says and picks up a glass of water to sip some and looks back down at the menu with a smile still in place.

I grin at the blush she's sporting, and I finally pick up the menu in front of me, but I'm still watching her and I can tell she's trying not to look back at me now as she studies the menu like it holds the meaning of life. Yep, the flirty ball is definitely back in my court now.

This is gonna be a long night.


	5. What Begins Well Doesn't Always End Well

The night goes on just as smooth as it began, and we dug into our food with our usual gusto. You can take the Slayer out of the local diner, but you can't stop them from eating like pigs. And even though I didn't see any of the usual stuff I wanted to dive into, like burgers, fries and all the good shit that stops the heart, the food was really good. I was wrong about the snobby waiter part though. The dude was actually kinda annoying. Kept checking in on us and asking if we were enjoying the food.

I don't think him or B appreciated when I told him that I would appreciate it more if I got to eat it without seeing his face every five minutes. I got a kick under the table for that one. What can I say? I wanted to enjoy the dinner with the beautiful woman I was having it with and not have some guy that was looking to get a big tip out of the deal keep interrupting.

After that though, the night went on and me and B got to enjoy the meal in peace. She threw in a few flirty jabs at me, but it's wasn't anything I couldn't hold my own against. I managed to make her blush some more, and she managed to make me hornier. Not that it takes much where she's concerned, just looking at her kicks the motor into high gear. It was our usual banter and we had a good time, but then again we always do when we're together.

Afterwards, she suggested that we walk off dinner. It was a cool, breezy night and as soon as we started walking B eased closer to me and I felt her shiver. With what she was wearing, as sexy as it looks, it's not really made to ward off the chill, and I'm sure she felt every bit of the breeze that was blowing. I offered to give her my jacket, but she declined and eased her arm inside of my jacket to wrap around my waist, and I put my arm around her. Yep. Normal cozy shit that friends do.

Even though we were having a nice little stroll around, both our senses were on high alert. We weren't really expecting any trouble in this part of town, but you never can be too careful when living on a Hellmouth. After we walked for a few blocks without running into any nasties, we made our way back to the restaurant to retrieve the jeep. All in all, the non-date went pretty good.

Now I'm pulling into the main gate to the castle getting ready to drop her off and all conversation stops. Right now I'm thinking about getting as far away as possible from her. The night has been good and I've only thought about wanting to have sex with her every other time I looked at her. The times in between I thought about her kissing her senseless. Progress, right?

"So do you want to maybe come up with me? I don't know, maybe watch a movie or something?" She asks and I turn to look at her. I really, really don't with the way I'm feeling. Plus I can't get that kiss out of my head, I've been so wound tight that I'm afraid I may do something stupid if I go in with her.

"Yeah sure B," I find myself saying without hesitation and instantly think 'how fucking dumb of me'. I can never walk away from her even when I know I should. She smiles at my answer and pulls the door open to get out and starts to walk away. I could always just leave and hightail it back to the loft. I know that will probably piss her off though.

The more time I spend with her the more this need inside of me grows for her. Usually when we leave each other at the end of the night, we just talk for a bit before finally saying goodnight. But tonight, I feel so compelled just to be with her. It's almost like something in her is just calling to me and I can't help myself because I don't want the night to end.

I sigh heavily and grip the steering wheel as I watch her retreating form. I watch her stop, bend slightly and pull a leg up behind her to take off one of her shoes, then she does the same with the other. She then turns back towards the car and waves a hand for me to come on.

"Yeah yeah, I'm coming," I mumble as I turn off the engine and get out of the car. "Actually no, I haven't for a while now, and won't be as long as I keep myself locked inside of my damn head with you in it." I have to laugh at myself at that. "Why the hell do you keep doing this to yourself? Because you're a fucking idiot and this woman is driving you insane that's why." Yeah I'm talking to myself like a moron.

"What?" B asks with a frown as I get closer to her.

"I said lead the way Princess." I beckon with my hand for her to lead the way and smile at her. She smiles back before grabbing my hand and pulling me the rest of the way to the door. Damn I hope she didn't hear that shit. Slayer hearing can be a good thing but right now it's probably got her thinking I'm losing my god damn mind.

I feel like I'm walking in a cloud as I follow her inside and down the corridor to the stairs. The castle is quiet, dark, and surprisingly free of any of the other Slayers bustling around. This all feels so surreal. It feels kinda like we're sneaking in to go up to her room to make out or something. And now that damn kiss pops into my mind again and I fight down the moan that's threatening to tear its way from my throat.

Finally making it to the senior wing of the castle, we make our way to her door and she hands me her shoes. She fumbles around in her purse for her keys. After a few seconds she's still looking, so I hip check her.

"Hurry up B before your parents wake up and catch us," I tease, and it makes her chuckle but she keeps up the hunt.

"I um…I think I forgot my keys?" She finally looks at me sheepishly.

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"I'm telling you….I don't have them. That's what happens when you rush me to get dressed. Do you have yours?"

"What?" I laugh at that. "I didn't rush you, and you were the one who said pick you up at seven. I even got here late because I knew you wouldn't be ready by then."

"Fine…okay, I forgot my keys. Now do you or don't you have them?"

"Do I have your keys? No, why would I?" I grin at her and she rolls her eyes and sighs all dramatic-like. I laugh and stick my hand in my pocket to pull out my keys. Yeah I got a key to Buffy's room. She gave it to me weeks after I gave her a key to my loft, telling me it was only right that I had it. Guessing it was a good idea now. I hand them over to her and I swear her hand shakes a little when she takes them. It makes me worry a little. They shake slightly again as she puts the key in the door to unlock it. Okay, now I'm really worried. Is she nervous?

Finally getting the door open and stepping inside, she flips on the lamp and drops my keys on the table next to hers. There's that sheepish look again and I can't help but shake my head with a grin. "I guess it's good you did come up with me. I'm thinking I'd look silly trying to scale the castle wall and climb into my window with this dress on."

"Not sillier than some of the outfits I've seen you slay in before. Not sure if you were trying to kill vamps or auditioning for the runway." I can't help but rib her a little and throw a wink her way as she narrows her eyes at me before turning towards her bedroom.

She throws over her shoulder for me to find something for us to watch, but the only thing I can watch right now is the way her ass moves as she walks away. When she's finally out of sight, I sigh heavily and make my own way further into her place. I've been avoiding spending so much time with her here, or even at my place, alone. I mean just look at what happened the last time when we were in my bedroom together, I molested her while she was sleeping. So anything involving me and her alone, or horizontal in a bed is definitely not a good thing.

"Get a grip. We're just gonna hang and watch a movie or something. You can handle that." Talking to myself again. Wicked bad. This woman is driving me insane.

I laugh humorlessly at myself and go to the den area and pull my jacket off and throw it over the back of the couch. I sit down heavily, throw my arms across the back and lean my head back against it and close my eyes. I can't help but think about all the time we've been spending together and what it means. Yeah I know friends hang and do shit together all the time. I mean me and Ken hang out a lot, but not like this.

Even hanging with Xander ain't like this. All with the touchy feely shit that B and I do. I guess the fact that I've never really had this type of 'friendly' relationship with anyone has me reading more into it than necessary. B's a girly girl and so fucking high maintenance. Things are bound to be different with her, right?

I don't know how long I was left to my thoughts, but I feel the warmth of her as the couch sinks down beside me. I don't move or say anything, I just wait for her.

"So, nothing you wanted to watch?"

She's sitting so close to me and her smell is intoxicating. I turn my head slowly and open my eyes to look at her. She went and took off that 'come fuck me' dress and she has on a t-shirt that fits her body perfectly with a pair of cotton shorts. Her hair is pulled up in a loose ponytail and God does she know how fucking sexy she can be without even trying? I want her so damn bad. Yeah, me coming in with her was definitely a bad idea.

"Nah B, unless you've managed to add something with blood and guts to your rom-com collection, I don't think you have anything I want to see right now." My voice is low and husky, I can hear the way it sounds in my own head and I sound like I want to fuck her senseless. If she was more familiar with how I am when I get this way she'd know it too.

"Oh come on Faith, you don't feel like crying tears of joy because the guy finally got the girl in the end?" She teases, knowing good and well that I can't stand those clichéd movies she loves so much. Things never happen in real life how they turn out in the movies. The geek gets the girl. The outsider from the wrong side of the tracks gets the girl. The fucked up murdering Slayer that screwed up and turned evil gets the girl. Yeah, don't think we'll be seeing that last one on the big screen anytime soon.

"Only you get that way with those sorry excuses for movies B. You know I'm not that sensitive. None of that shit happens in real life." And it really doesn't, I should know that better than anyone.

She props an arm over the back of the couch and leans her head against her hand. "Of course it does! Happy endings happen all the time."

"Whatever you say girlfriend. Never in my lifetime have I seen any shit like that happen before…especially not to me." I wince internally, because damn did I just say that? She gets this little smile on her face and it makes me look away hoping I haven't opened what I just said up for interpretation.

"Yep, it's whatever I say…and I say your story isn't done being told." I snort at this and wonder how this conversation veered onto this path, and hope that it doesn't continue. "I can see it though, no matter how tough you try to act, I know you're nothing but a big pile of mushiness under all that badass Slayerness, and you're just waiting for your very own rom-com happy ending."

She's smiling now like she thinks she's busted me. She really hasn't though. I'm not waiting for a happy ending, I know that's not in the cards for me. Not once have I thought I'm lucky enough to get the girl. I'm just hoping to get through to the end without having my heart ripped out. Hey, now that's one for the movies. 'Faith the Vampire Slayer: A tragic love story'. Definitely don't want to watch that one again. I had enough of it the first time I starred in it and I'm not looking to make a sequel. This is why we can never be anything other than what we are. Just friends.

I pull a face at her and frown, but mainly at my own thoughts. "Do you have your very own dictionary for this shit you make up? Cos' if you don't, you really should. Shit is priceless."

"Hey! What I said was very dictionary friendly. I'm on to you, so stop trying to change the subject," she pokes me in the stomach playfully.

"What subject? We weren't talking about anything…at least not anything important." My frown is still in place and right now I really just want to talk about something else. Or maybe not even talk, just get the hell out of here and away from her and whatever it is I'm feeling.

"Hey there was a subject, and it was all subjecty until you went and changed it."

"There you go again….Buffyism 101. You should put that on your training roster B, that way we know just what the hell you're always on about." I swear she's so confusing sometimes, but most of the time it's just so damn cute.

"Okay now you're just making fun of me." She tells me and then pokes me in the stomach again.

"You betcha, it's one of my favorite things to do because you're so easy." She just rolls her eyes and pokes me in the stomach again. "Quit that shit already. Are you on something?" I ask while swatting at her hands. She just smiles at me. So fucking beautiful she is. "Seriously, what's up with you tonight? You're acting weirder than usual, so what's the what Blondie, you been taking stupid pills again? You're acting even more like a spaz than usual."

"You've gone all dark and broody on me. I'm just trying to get you to smile, or laugh, and stop acting all tough and gung ho all the time."

Yeah. I am acting all dark and broody right now because that's how I feel, but I refuse to laugh at her antics even though she's being adorable right now.

"Did you just call me a hoe?"

She laughs and moves impossibly closer, with her knees pressed up against my thigh. I look up at her and she looks like something that I've never believed in, she looks like an angel….not the vampy, souled type, but one with a heavenly body because she definitely has one. I will myself not to look down at it too because if I did I know I wouldn't be able to stop staring at it.

"No silly, I'd never call you that. I just love to see you smile, that's all. I love it even more when I can be the one to make you do it. You have those cute dimples that never fail to take my breath away when you flash them just for me." She smiles sweetly at me.

This makes me sit up and regard her for a moment. I'm getting a little confused here because my smile, or my laugh is just that. It is what it is no matter who put it there. "Take your breath away?" I question with a raised brow, wondering what she's on about and she just nods.

"Damn B, that's deep. You sure it's not just this air quality here instead?" I'm hoping joking around will throw her off to how that really makes me feel. Because damn. I take her breath away? Funny that because I seem to stop breathing whenever she walks into a room.

She rolls her eyes but she's still smiling. "Nope, it's all you when you're being cute and funny with the adorable dimples, and you know it."

"What makes you think I put that much thought into this shit? I smile when I find something to smile about and laugh when something's funny. If I do it around you a lot that's because you're such a dork all the time." Okay, so that's bullshit. I know I use the dimples like a weapon because they have people falling all over themselves sometimes when I break them out.

I'm very in tune with every aspect of my body, and I know chicks dig them, and so do the guys. They have the ability to let me get away with a lot of dumb shit, with B especially. To know there's one somewhere in there that leaves her breathless kinda make me feel good. She chuckles a little and I just wait as she gets ready to explain. I have a feeling I'm about to be put in a babble fest, but this is something I wanna hear.

"Well it's like you have a million different smiles Faith. I'm still trying to learn them all but I'm definitely familiar with all of my favorites." She stops, but laughs at the brow I raise again, urging her to continue. If this is something I'm doing that gives my feelings for her away I really need to put that shit in check. If she actually knew how I felt, I'm sure she wouldn't think it was all that breath taking. She'd pack up and leave town, or pack my shit up and push me out of town.

"There's the one you get when you're flirting. You put on the smirk that shows just one of your dimples. It's like you're teasing and you know when to turn it on just slightly in tune with the flirtiness. Then there's when you're being bad and you think you're amusing, or trying to get your way. You get this sly grin on your face and the dimples are barely there, just peeking through but ready to break free at any moment to get your way. And then there's my favorite….," she trails off and doesn't say anything.

"Well shit, don't stop there B, spill it, what's the fav?" I raise my head and I turn to fully look at her, interested in the fact that she's taken so much time to categorize my smiles and dimples.

"It's the one where you're so happy that you can't help yourself and they take on a mind of their own. They're so deep and adorable that no matter what you do you can't make them disappear."

Damn. She's really put a lot of thought into this. Even more than I have when I'm actually doing it. But I guess she's right. And fuck. I have a tell just like she does with the way her eyes change color. I wonder if there's anything else I do that gives me away. Is there an 'I want you so bad it hurts' one? Or 'I kinda love the fuck out of you' one? If there is I'm sure she sees it every time I look at her. Fuck my life.

With a groan, I drop my head back down on the back of the sofa and bring a hand up to run over my face at the thought of me being my own worst enemy. Something simple as the way I smile and break out the dimples has my feelings for her literally written all over my face. This can't be good. I knew I shouldn't have come up here with her.

But it's not like it matters though, it's not like she still wouldn't know this shit from the way she's reading me right now. My frown deepens as I feel her take my hand in hers, pulling it away from my face. I don't look at her though. I can't. She may see something there that I don't want her to see.

"There's also this one," she says quietly while still holding my hand. "Something's on your mind….and it's not the cute, thinky one where you're just all confused about something. It's the one where you're thinking of something not of the good, maybe even something that makes you a little sad."

I open my eyes and finally turn my head to look at her. Her head is still leaning against her hand that's resting on the back of the couch and she's staring at me. I want to look away but I can't because fuck she's beautiful. I see a small smile forming on her face and she's started rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb.

Her eyes are dark, so I know there's something stirring inside of her too, but her gaze is soft. In her eyes I can see that she's giving me whatever time I need to work out what's going on in my head right now. I don't know if that's a good thing or not because we could be here a long time if that's really what she's doing. Forever even.

"I'm not sad B." I find my voice to say and that's when I finally look away from her. "I just….," I trail off with a sigh not really knowing what more to say. 'I just don't want to fall back in love with you and hurt you or myself like that again.' Yeah. I can't say that. Luckily, I'm saved from saying anything.

"Well then, if you're not sad, that means I still have a chance at getting what I want from you right now."

My eyes shoot back to her, my frown deepens and I purse my lips. Cute, thinky one maybe? Yeah. Because I'm totally confused and I'm wondering just what the hell that means.

"W…What," I stutter slightly wondering when the hell Red invaded my body. I clear my throat. "What do you want?"

She lets go of my hand and places it on my face. She slowly begins to rub her thumb across my cheek where my dimple appears. What the fuck is she doing? What is it that she wants? Damn B, spit it out already! And then she does….

"C'mon Faith, leave me breathless."

Oh wow. I blink at her a few times and watch as she raises a brow and a slow smile forms on her lips. Is she serious? That's what she wants? And just like that, I break out the dimpled grin that she wanted because really, I just couldn't help myself after she said that. It was so fucking corny and cute, not to mention sexy as hell the way she said it….and yes, all of the above makes me happy. When she's being a total goof ball, and just being herself….not The Slayer, but just a normal chick saying stupid shit like that. I couldn't stop myself from smiling like an idiot at her if I wanted to.

"There they are!" She says all loud and so full of herself that she got me to laugh at her. I shake my head at her and make an attempt to reign them in but I can't. I reach for one of the pillows on the couch and hug it to my chest, like it's some kind of shield from her cuteness. I close my eyes and lean my head back against the couch.

"You're stupid," I tell her, but I'm the one still smiling like an idiot because I just can't help myself.

"And you're adorable," she counters and then I feel her lean in and place a kiss against my cheek. I don't react to it even though I want to, and maybe ask why she just did that. That's no big deal right? A compliment followed by a simple kiss on the cheek, not like friends don't do that kind of shit right? Plus I don't want her to know just how much she's affecting me.

"I have a confession to make." She whispers and leans her forehead against my temple.

My smile waivers and I frown, but I don't move. "Yeah?"

"I didn't really forget my keys tonight."

My frown deepens and this time I open my eyes and turn slowly, this makes her move her head back a little. She's not far enough away though because now we're face to face and our eyes are locked. She's so damn close and all I need to do is move an inch and I could kiss her. I'm not though, for so many reasons, but mainly because I want to know just what she's talking about.

"I saw them on the table B, you dropped mine next to them."

"Yes but I….I kinda left them there on purpose." A sheepish grin crosses her face.

"You locked yourself out on purpose?" Now I'm confused. I sit up a little to move away and turn my body towards her to face her. "Why?"

She shrugs slightly and looks down before looking back up at me again. "It was the only way I could make sure that you wouldn't go running off this time. Usually you make up some excuse about it being late or needing to go check on something slaying related at the end of the night. I needed to make sure that wouldn't."

Okay. Now I'm really confused. What's so special about tonight? I shake my head not understanding why she would do that. "B, I don't understand. Why would you do that? I mean you could've just asked. You didn't have to trick me to get me up here. What gives?"

She sighs and only stares at me. I stare back at her trying to figure out just why she felt the need to come up with some elaborate scheme to get me in here. I'm so fucking confused right now and she isn't saying anything, she's still only just looking at me like she's trying to figure out something on her own. I'm about to ask her to explain herself when she finally starts talking.

"I kinda got the feeling that you're avoiding me, or at least being alone. I wanted to make sure that tonight you couldn't be all avoidy."

I shake my head again, still confused as hell. "What are you talking about B? We've been alone plenty. Hell we've been going out practically every day. I haven't been avoiding you."

Okay. So that's a lie. I really have been avoiding being alone with her. Even now I feel the urge to just get up and run the hell out of here because being so close to her is really getting to me. That feeling I feel only with her is so fucking intense right now. And it's not just a physical attraction. My heart feels like it's trying to break out of my chest because it feels so full.

What I feel is so much more than just wanting her, I need her. The more time we spend together, the more the feeling grows and it's consuming everything inside of me. This is why I've been avoiding being alone with her. It feels so much stronger than it did the first time around and look how that turned out.

"Yes, I know we've been together a lot, and with a whole lot of other people that aren't us. We're always together in public places, or with the gang and some of the other Slayers sometimes but then you always run off when there's a chance that it'll only be just us. It's like you don't want to be alone with me." Another sigh from her. "So I went out of my way to make sure tonight that you would be." I open my mouth to ask why again, but she doesn't give me a chance. "I….I wanted to be away from all the people, away from all the noise and distractions so you can hear all of the things I want to say to make you mine."

Wait. Say what now? I think my brain just checked out or something because there's no way in hell she just said what I think she did. Or maybe I'm just dreaming again. Yeah, that has to be it because right now I'm having one of those slow motion moments. You know the one where the girl of your dreams leans in real slow and puts her hand against your face while looking at you like you're the most important thing in the world to her and she loves the fuck out of ya. And then she licks her lips, then she kisses you.

Yeah. This has to be a dream because there's no way B's lips are on mine right now is real. But if it's a dream, it's a damn good one. Her lips are so soft against mine, and even with the simplest of contact with just her lips brushing against mine has every part of me is buzzing. It's as if my lips have a direct connection to every single part inside of me and it's radiating all over.

Her lips start moving over mine, but with more of a purpose now and I can't help myself when I press back against her. A small moan escapes from me when I finally remember to breathe and she answers with a moan of her own against my lips. And just like that, it feels like a dam just burst open and let loose an uncontrollable rush of desire. All thoughts of slow are thrown out the window when she parts her lips and I feel her tongue gently prodding against my mouth and I don't hesitate to let her in. The kiss is urgent now and hot as fuck as she moves to straddle me.

I grab onto her waist and pull her more fully against me and then wrap my arms around her back. Her hands are against my cheeks and she's fully in control now as she kisses me so deeply. The taste of her is driving me insane and I can't help but think that this is so much better than the first time I kissed her. Maybe it's because she's conscious and actually aware of what she's doing. And she's definitely doing it right.

She keeps doing this thing with her tongue that has me drowning in my desire for her. And when I say I'm drowning for her, I mean that shit literally because I can feel it between my legs because fuck I want her so bad. She slides her tongue inside of my mouth, then she rolls it around mine and then she slowly pulls back, making me chase after her. I moan each time she does it because it's driving me insane and I can't help but follow it back into her mouth, searching for more.

One of my hands is clutching at the back of her neck, holding her where she is, but it doesn't feel like she's going anywhere anytime soon. She never does in my dreams and it leaves me to do what I want with my hands and I want to touch her….everywhere. I release the hold on her neck and slide my hands down over her back and then down further to cup her ass. When I do, she pulls back slightly and I lick my lips and groan at the loss. She smiles against my lips and lays her forehead against mine.

"Guess it's time for me to wake up now. This is usually the part where I do with nothing but kissing happens." I sigh deeply, breathe out slowly and move my arms up to wrap around her waist and just hold her close.

"Mmmm, yeah. I don't normally get past the kissy part in mine either. I guess it's a good thing this isn't a dream." Then she's kissing me again. I moan when her tongue slips inside of my mouth, it's almost enough to make me miss the part where she says that this is not a dream. I pull back, and this time she's the one that groans. I open my eyes and regard her for a moment, waiting for her to disappear and for me to wake up alone in bed….and frustrated as hell. Only she doesn't. She's still looking down at me with lust and so much more in her eyes.

"Buffy?" I frown in confusion.

"Faith? Is something wrong?"

Great. Now she's confused. Because uh, yeah something is wrong. It's just too bad that it felt so damn right. I blink again and then look around before really taking stock of the situation. And what a fucking idiot I am because this is definitely not a dream. This is the type of insane shit this woman has me thinking. Because yeah, what a fucking moron Faith! I look back at her and then I bolt up like a bullet shot out of a gun. Really, it was so fast that I had to hold on to her to keep her from falling off the couch.

"Whoa," I release her when I know she's stable and move as quickly as I can from underneath her. She's now sitting on the couch on her knees and I'm as far from her as I'm allowed. She's panting slightly and her kiss swollen lips are begging me to take them again.

I know I can't though because I need to figure out just what the fuck is going on here. My heart is going a mile a minute and I'm panting just as much as she is. It would be funny, us both sitting here panting like dogs in heat but it's not because shit just got real. Like really real. Non-dreaming real.

I run a shaky hand over my face and then through my hair. "Shit B, what the hell are we doing?" I manage to say around the deep breaths I'm taking.

"It's called kissing Faith," she finally says and she looks so turned on right now I'm mentally kicking myself for stopping. This ain't right though. I need to know what the hell she's thinking and more importantly, why the hell she just did that.

"Yeah B, that part I got." I scoff at her answer. "But I didn't know that 'watch a movie or something', was code for 'let's make out'."

"Well then you should definitely get to work on my rom-com collection. Molly Ringwald's 80's era is a great start, but not the late 80's stuff, those weren't very good."

What? Why are we talking about movies again? "I'm serious B! What the hell is this?" I motion between us. "And more importantly, why are we doing it?"

She shrugs a little like it's really not a big deal. "Because it feels good."

Just like that huh? 'Because it feels good.' Hell yeah it did, but that ain't good enough.

"Don't matter how it feels Buffy, we shouldn't be doing it."

"We really should, because it definitely felt right to me." Her voice is low and husky and drips with lust. Her eyes move to my lips before she brings them back up to look at me. "And I'd like to keep feeling it, so tell me why we shouldn't."

My mouth opens and then I shut it immediately. I know how I want to answer that, but that'd be opening a whole can of worms I'm not ready to get into with her. I guess she sees my silence as me not having an explanation because she leans back in to kiss me again. My eyes widen and I panic slightly at what she's about to do. I squeeze her arms tighter and stop her from closing the distance.

I frown, frustrated with the situation now and not understanding where all of this is coming from all of a sudden. She's completely floored me and I don't know how to take this. I mean I had a feeling when this night began that there was just something different about it, but never in a million years would I have expected something like this to happen. My heart isn't prepared for this. I'm not prepared for this. Just what the hellis this anyway? What the hell does she want from me?

She pulls one of her arms out of my grip and I realize that I've been staring at some imaginary spot behind her when I drag my eyes back to her face. Her eyes are dark now, and her gaze is filled with worry, but there's something else there that I can't quite place. She places her hand against my cheek and her hand is warm and soft against my face. The feeling that I get with her feels stronger than it ever has before and it makes me close my eyes to bask in the feel of her.

She must've thought that was an invitation or something because next thing I know, her lips are on mine again. I want to kiss her back, I really do, but I can't. Not until I know what's up. I pull back from her and bring my hand up to remove hers from against my face. I open my eyes to look at her and find her staring back. She looks almost hurt by this and it breaks my heart. But I know I can't let that stop me from getting the answers I need to know. And besides the why, one thing I really want to know is….

"What the hell is going on B? Since when are you into kissing girls? Last time I checked, you were all with the guy loving, where the hell did this come from? We're just friends for fucks sake, and aren't you straight or something?" Even though I asked, I'm not sure I want to know the answer. If she says she's done this before, kissed another woman, I think I may lose my mind even more. Hypocritical, I know. But it is what it is. I don't think I could handle her making out, or doing other shit with another woman.

"I'm not into kissing other girls Faith, I'm into kissing you." I release the breath I was holding waiting for her answer and my heart speeds up a little. And yeah, I'm happy as fuck to hear her say that. She seemed to have noticed this as well because she puts on that cute as hell half smile of hers and quirks a brow at me like she knows what I'm thinking.

"And yeah about me being straight?" She rambles off. "Well….surprise!" She says it in a fake chipper tone that would be cute if this sitch wasn't so fucked up right now. "I guess not so much anymore. It seems I'm straight with a few bends and twists along the way where you're concerned." I blink hard at that and try to get my thoughts together. It's kinda hard to do right now seeing as my brain just exploded.

She sighs at that and takes a few more deep breaths before she sags back onto the couch. She's quiet for a long moment and the only sound in the room is that of us still trying to catch our breaths. With a few more deep breaths I can see she's a bit calmer than she was minutes ago. I'm glad one of us is because right now I don't think I can catch my breath and my heart feels like it's trying to break free out of my chest. I really need some answers here.

"And yeah Faith, we are friends." She sighs and rubs at her brow. "But do you go around kissing all of the people you consider yourself to be friends with?"

"You kissed me!" I yell becoming indignant with her for asking that. "And none of the people I'm friends with go around sticking their tongue down my damn throat!"

"I certainly hope not or Kennedy and I will have some problems." She smiles when she says this. "But if I remember correctly, you kissed me first." She adds, and the grin she's sporting turns into a sly grin. Fuck me, she was awake for that!

"Fuck, you were awake?" I ask but already knowing the answer. It's obvious that she was or she wouldn't have said that shit. Fuck my life.

"Yes, I was awake. I had been for a while, but didn't want to wake you just yet. You looked so beautiful and content that I just wanted to be with you like that for a while."

"B," I groan and put my face in my hands and throw myself back against the couch. "You should've said something." I mumble.

"Why? So you could throw up your walls like you're doing now?" She scolds and then I feel her move closer to me and grab my wrist to pull my hands down. "I saw how freaked out you were and I didn't want you pulling away, so I pretended I didn't I know what happened. Right now though, there's no pretending. I kissed you because I've wanted to for so long….and you kissed me back," she smiles and takes my hands in hers and rests them in my lap. "I don't think you would have if you didn't want to."

I only stare at her blankly, refusing to admit the truth and tell her she's right. I did want to kiss her, hell I still want to, but that's beside the point. The point is that I've fought against doing something stupid like kissing her for so long. I've fought with how I feel about her even longer and now I've gotten myself in a place where I'm finally content and at ease with knowing that me and her will never be anything more.

Now she's gone and fucked that all up by doing something stupid like kissing me. In one night she's managed to undo years of self-preservation that I've done to keep my heart from being torn to shreds by her. I shake my head feeling angry with her for doing this, but even more at myself for allowing it.

"Faith, I need to ask you something but you have to promise you won't get mad okay?"

I scoff. "No way B, not promising shit, because normally when someone starts a conversation off like that they already know it's something the other person is probably gonna get pissed off about. So just ask already." I grind out because really, I'm already pissed at her and no rationalization on her part is going to change that.

"Fine," she huffs and pulls her hands out of mine and I can't help but be disappointed that she did. It's stupid. I know. Not to mention so damn contradictory. But no matter how hard I'm fighting against….whatever this is she's trying to pull, not to mention my own feelings for her, I love being close to her. I love having her touch me. Ah fuck it, I love this damn girl.

She's staring at me now and she pulls her bottom little between her teeth a little. Okay. Now I have this feeling that whatever she's about me ask me I'm definitely not gonna love. But fuck. I'm looking at her lips now and watching her do that makes me wanna say to hell with it all and just kiss her again.

"So um, when….when was the last time you uh, you've been with anyone?"

My eyes shoot up to her face when she asks that. And I know the confusion is written all over my face. I mean I think I know what she's asking. But seriously. Is she really asking me that? I don't wanna look like more of an idiot she really isn't asking what I think she is. Damnit.

"What?" Smooth, I know. But I need to be sure because sometimes this woman can be so damn confusing and she's often in a world of her own, and I don't know what the hell she's talking about most of the time.

"You heard me." She frowns slightly.

"Yeah I heard you B. But just what the hell are ya asking?" She rolls her eyes, and now I can see a blush creeping up over her face.

"When's the last time, you've….you know, slept with anyone?"

Yeah. What I thought. And is she for real? That's really what she wanted to ask me. I look at her like she's lost her damn mind and briefly wonder what kind of show my dimples are putting on for her now.

"You're really asking me that?"

"Really really," she nods.

I shake my head. She seriously just asked me that. If I wasn't so pissed off at the answer to that I'd find it kinda funny that she actually has the balls to ask that. But the fact that I haven't gotten laid in almost two month and it's all her damn fault….well, let's just say it pisses me off to no end.

"What the fuck does it matter?" I finally shoot back.

She slowly moves her hand to lay over mine. "It matters because I wanna know, that's why." Her tone is soft and I know she's making an attempt to calm me, but I'm anything but calm right now.

"That's none of your goddamn business B." I push her hand off me and stand up shakily. Steading myself, I look down at her. "You don't have the right to ask that." She doesn't seem to care about my answer though.

"I'm going to guess and say it's been a while, probably since that night I showed up at your place and you were with….her." She's looking up at me with her arms folded across her chest and she looks pissed again, as if she has the right to be the one that's mad right now. How messed up is that?

"Did you not just hear me say that it's none of your business?"

"Oh I heard you, and your refusal to answer tells me I'm right."

"You don't know shit B," I counter, getting more pissed by the second. Who the hell does she think she is questioning me about my sex life, or the lack of?

"Maybe….maybe not," she states cryptically. "But I do know that you've been kinda grumpy lately. I couldn't quite put my finger on why and I thought maybe it was something I'd done to piss you off until Kennedy made a joke last week about you really needed to get laid after you snapped at one of the girls on patrol for apparently no reason."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Why are you and Kennedy discussing my sex life?" Okay, this is so fucked up on a whole different level that you can't even call it fucked up anymore. "And it wasn't for no reason! The kid took a bad shot B, almost shot me with an arrow!" I'm pacing now because I'm so mad, which is a feat giving the space provided.

"No Faith, Kennedy said it was a good shot, you just stepped in the way when you were supposed to be observing."

"This is bullshit…and you still haven't told me why who I'm fucking, or to hear you and Kennedy tell it, who I'm not fucking, is any of your business."

She stands up and walks the short distance to stand in front of me. I want to step away from her because she still smells so damn good and all I can think about now is that kiss she laid on me and wanting to do it again, but I refuse to back down. Still mad remember?

"Most nights we go our separate ways early enough for you to go out and pick up whoever you want, but you haven't and I think we both know why."

I throw my hands up and laugh. But honestly, I don't find shit funny about this conversation we're having. Matter of fact, how the hell did we end up having this fucked up conversation in the first place? And oh boy do I want to hear her theory on this. Only not really because yes, I already know why. But seriously? She knows too? Shit.

"Of course you do B. You seem to have all the answers all of the sudden. But why don't you enlighten me on why I'm not out fucking around. Please tell me what the hell my problem is." Yeah, play it cool.

She takes a deep breath, slowly walks towards me and puts a hand against my cheek. It feels like fire is blazing inside of me and I want to move away from her, but I can't. The heat feels to good and the way her eyes are staring into mine pins me to where I am.

"You don't have a problem Faith." It's almost a whisper. "You've devoted yourself to me…and you're falling in love."

Holy fucking hell. Did she really just say that? My eyes widen and I bring my arms up quickly to grab her wrist and move her hands away from me. My hands are squeezing her wrist so tight that I can feel my hands shaking. If she wasn't a slayer I'd think I was hurting her right now. The fact that she doesn't even flinch and only stands here still staring at me lets me know she's okay. But I'm far from worried about how she's feeling right now because holy fucking hell. Did she really just say that?

"This is what you come up with because I'm not out fucking someone's brains out when I leave you?" I yell and finally release my hold on her. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Maybe, but not about this. Think about it Faith….for almost a month we've spent nearly every day together. It's just been you and me, no one else. No one night stands, no boyfriends to pass the time with. Just us Faith….being together and nothing else. Things have been good. Better than good in fact…and tonight, you had a good time right?"

I narrow my eyes at her wondering just what the hell she's on about now. Yeah we've been hanging out more than usual and I questioned it, but I just went with it because I like being with her. I refuse to answer this question though because I feel it's some kind of trap. In fact I know it's some kind of trap, she wouldn't have asked it if it wasn't.

"You don't have to answer me because I know you did. You like being with me and I like that you like it because I love being with you. In fact I'd like to keep doing it."

"Doing what?" I find myself asking because now I'm really really fucking confused now.

"Dating." She simply says with no hint of teasing.

My expression must be really fucking comical right now because she's smiling and looks like she's on the verge of laughing. But seriously I don't find the funny in what she just said because really…. .fuck. In fact I can't even find words to say to that and my mouth is just opening and closing as my brain tries to unscramble itself.

"It's not official or anything," Gee B, ya think? "But if you really look at it for what it is, that's what we've been doing Faith. And if it looks like a date and acts like a date, well then I say we're dating." She has that pure, beautiful 'Buffy' smile on her face right now and it's probably the only thing keeping me from losing my goddamn mind right now and going right the fuck off on her.

"So that's what you've been doing this whole time? You trick me into spending all this time with you and for what? To disprove my no dating rule?" I shake my head angrily at her. "You're so full of yourself and so used to people not telling you no, and having your way that you have to pull some crazy shit like this?"

"Hey that's not true," she looks all indignant at what I just said, "I tried to borrow this really cute top from Dawn last week and she said no!"

Is she serious? Of course she is and if I wasn't so pissed off at her right now I'd actually find that funny. But I don't because I'm on a head trip right now.

"What do you think this is B? Is this like some kind of game for you? What kind of mind fuck are you trying to pull here?"

"Trust me when I say it's not your mind I'm trying to do that with."

Whoa. Jesus Christ, did she have to go and say that? Not only is she talking crazy about dating me, did she have to go and imply that she wants to fuck me too? Because that's given me all kindsa wicked images of me being inside of her and fuck I'm throbbing for her even though I'm so mad I can't see straight. But seeing and feeling are two different things, and I'm on feelings overload right now.

"Buffy I can't….," I pause before I can finish what I'm gonna say and shake my head before putting my hands over my face.

'I can't believe you're saying all of this now.'

'I can't do this.'

'I can't not love you.'

This is too much. Insane is what it is. And I'm so deflated and drained right now because all of this is just too damn much to process. Fuck. I feel like I want to bawl my eyes out and that's definitely not a good look on me. I need to reign in the emotions before I become one of those sappy characters on those movies she likes to watch. I sigh and move my hand only to see her walking towards me again, but this time I put my hands out to stop her and take a step back because I really don't want to deal with this right now. I can'tdeal with this right now. I shake my head again.

Fuck this. I'm outta here.


	6. Dream Lover II

Buffy Summers. The woman of my dreams, and she never even knew it….until now. Leave it to B to pull a wild card and expose my feelings for her when I'm finally at peace with the fact that we'll never be anything but friends. And with good reason. I can't go down this road with her. It would only lead to badness. So much that I don't think she has even thought about it. She's just caught up in the here and now, but it's the past and future that my mind is reeling over.

Our past is filled with so much hurt and betrayal that I don't think that even my love for her could make things okay. And the future will only end up with me hurting her, or myself, and I promised that I'd never do that again. I'm not about to make myself out to be a liar just because she decides she wants me to be the new flavor of the month.

The way I feel about her destroyed me before, and the memory of it never stops stinging. The fact that she didn't return the feeling made me hate who I became because of it. We're in a good place now, and I'd like it to stay that way. There's no point in trying to make a go at a relationship, or whatever the fuck she wants to have, just because she suddenly decides she wants to experiment or whatever it is she wants to do. I know better than to trust in what I feel for her and have it get me caught up in her need to not be alone. I won't even entertain this madness.

I hate her for saying that I was being "devoted" to her. I hate that she knows this. I hate that it's exactly what I was doing. I mean seriously, who gets all whipped over a woman that you aren't even screwing, and just spending time with? Well….me, that's who! What a fucking idiot I am to let my feelings show like that for her. And here I was thinking I was concealing that shit pretty good. Boy was I wrong.

I don't know whether she's just that conceited, or if I suck that bad at keeping all this in. Whatever it is….I hate it. I hate how she just assumes that everyone wants, and cares about her. Hell it's true though, and I hate that she's right. Everyone she touches ends up being swept up in the Buffy Summers whirlwind, unable to stop themselves for falling head over heels for her, and I hate that I'm no exception.

That's why right now her gorgeous hazel eyes are looking down at me while she straddles me. And damn she's so warm. Her sex is hot and so damn wet as she sits on my stomach waiting for me to touch it. I run my hands all over her, loving the way her skin feels under my palms, and anticipating what it will feel like to touch her there.

First, I start at her slender hips and then up her sides, before bringing them around to her taut stomach. Buffy has always been in shape. When we first met she was all cute and bouncy with her youth and curvy body drawing me in more and more. Now she's more toned with muscles and curves in all the right places. Damn she's perfect.

My hands continue to explore as I slide them upwards, loving the sexy sighs passing between her lips as I palm her breasts. They are small and pert, with her pink nipples hard and ready. Fuck they feel so good and perfect in my hands. She places her hands over mine and squeeze them while starting to grind down against me as I roll her nipples around between my fingers. She's so soft and so damn hot, and she's all mine.

Wanting more of her….all of her, I bring my hands back down, one to grab her hip and the other to grasp the back of her thigh. I flip us over so that I'm on top and settle between her legs. What can I say, I've never been much of a bottom. My body presses against hers and I hook one of her legs with my arm and settle my leg under it, and my other leg over hers. We both moan at the feel of our bodies melding into one another everywhere. I close my eyes at the feel of her under me because fuck she feels good. I'm already so into her, and I know if I don't get myself under control this will be over before it even gets started.

Feeling her hands cup my face, I slowly open my eyes to look down at her. She's looking at me again with those eyes and it makes my heart race and fall deeper in love with her. I want to worship her because I need to. I need her to feel how much I want her, how much I need her….how much I love her. I lean in closer and our breast press together making our already hard nipples graze against each other as she arches into me. Just the feel of her against me is driving me insane.

I bring my head down to kiss her bottom lip before licking over it and then sucking it, remembering just how good her lips tasted from our first kiss. I feel her mouth pull into a smile and I release the tasty flesh. Her smile widens and it's the most beautiful, heart stopping smile I've ever seen and it's contagious, so I smile back down at her unable to help myself.

Bringing her hands up to run her fingers through my hair, she grabs the back of my neck while raising her head up a little to bring our lips together again. I moan into her mouth and savor the taste of her as she slides her tongue past my lips. I don't hesitate to let her in and she kisses me so deeply that I feel it everywhere. It's hot and needy and it feels like we're trying to devour each other.

Needing more, I press my hips hard into her, bringing us together even more and feeling my pussy melt into hers. We break the kiss and moan out into the room as she lays her head back down. I follow her down against the bed and bury my head in her neck as I grind against her. We thrust hard into each other and her hands travel lower, scratching down my back. Her touch makes me hiss and raise my head to look down at her again. Her eyes are closed tight and her lips are parted and she moans a little louder with each thrust. She looks so damn good with pleasure etched across her face, and I want to make sure it stays that way.

She moves her hands even lower to grab my ass, trying to pull me into her more. I lower my head to take her lips again because I can't get enough of them. Our clits press hard into each other as our pace quickens. I moan into her mouth, and she drinks it down as she raises her hips to meet my hard thrusts. I can feel she's about to let go and take me along with her. I pull away from her mouth and drop my head into her neck again as I feel that pull inside of me announcing that I'm about to come all over her. So much for trying to make this last.

"Faith," she moans out and rolls her head over to lay against mine and wraps her arms around me tight and I fuck her harder. I attach my lips to her neck and suck hard against it, pulling back slightly as her name falls on lips.

"Buffy," I sigh out into her neck. She feels so good and I don't think I'm able to hold out any longer. I move against her quicker and harder, and just as I feel myself about to come, I'm being roughly pushed aside and she's no longer under me.

Fuck! And shit, now I'm blinded by the sudden rush of light that has invaded my eyes and I slam them shut.

"Fuck, what're you doing?" I mumble out while waiting for the tiny circles and flashes of light to clear.

"Are you serious?" An angry voice asks.

I open my eyes slowly, blinking them and trying to adjust to the harsh light. I sit up and lean back on my knees and rub at my eyes. When they start to clear, the view is fuzzy, but a brunette comes into view. Damn, it's Victoria, the chick I've been screwing, the same one that I ran out of my loft weeks ago when B showed up and she does not look amused.

"What?" I ask harshly, trying to figure out what's up her ass because it's definitely not me at the moment.

"What? Are you serious?" Her angry voice sounds off in my head. "Faith, do you even know where you are right now?"

I blink rapidly again and look around slowly, trying to fully take in my surroundings and I can see that I'm at her place and in her bed, where I've been plenty of times before. "Of course! What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked back trying to squash down any anger I feel at being robbed of the feeling inside of me.

She sighs and reaches down and pulls the sheet over her naked body. A lazy smirk crosses my lips. "No need to be modest now babe, I've seen and had the goods plenty." She only scowls at me. "Why'd you stop?" I ask, the smirk gone and confusion now settling in.

She shakes her head. "You know Faith, I get that this is just sex….believe me, I'm not looking to get involved past what we have now because you're so damn emotionally unavailable, but even I have to draw a line somewhere."

"What the hell are you on about?" I rub my eyes again and try to clear my head so I can fully understand just what her fucking problem is. "If you get that it's just sex….then why stop the sexing!" I'm starting to get angrier now and my head is swimming from all the alcohol I drank earlier. A drunk, angry Slayer is not a good combination, and that mixed with a horny one on the brink of getting off and having it cut short is definitely not of the good.

She runs a hand through her hair. "I can put up with you saying her name while you sleep, but when we're fucking? Really Faith, that's just a bit much, not to mention rude as hell."

Huh? I know my face is the picture of confusion right now as I stare at her trying to piece together what she's saying. "What….who the hell are you talking about?" I don't even know why I asked that, because seriously, I already know. She just stares at me for a moment and raises a brow. I shake my head and before she can answer, I bring my hands up to cover my face.

"Shit," I mumble into my hands and start to think about the moments before when all I could see was Buffy. She's all I ever see. I knew this woman wasn't Buffy, and honestly that's how it all began when I pursued her. She wasn't Buffy. There was no rejection from her. No getting my heart ripped out or another knife to the gut again. No having my world turned upside down because I couldn't have her. But damn that felt real and did I really say B's name? This is a whole new level of fucked up.

I hear her chuckle and feel her shift a little on the bed. "Yeah, that reaction lets me know that you know exactly who I'm talking about. It's the woman that has your head so screwed up that you think you're making love to her when you're with me." I feel her grab my hands to pull them down and I open my eyes to look at her. "I should've known something was different because you've never been so…..gentle. You've never been that way before. You were making love to me like you were making love to someone else. It wasn't me you were just with, at least not in your head. "

I sigh heavily as I look at her. "Damn V, I'm sorry….I don't know how…why I did that…shit." I rub angrily at my brow and run my hand over my face.

"Yes you do Faith, you're in love with her…that's how and why."

I get that this is just sex, but damn, she's taking this really really well. I don't deserve this, her being so calm right now. At least if she was angry or yelling at me to get out I would feel better about this whole fucked up sitch, and then I could leave feeling like the asshole I am. But she isn't. How am I supposed to deal with this?

"Why?" I asked her out of confusion. "Why are you being so….so damn nice to me right now? Why keep doing this if you know that…that I'm into her? And shit, I actually say her name when I sleep?"

That's some shit I never knew I did. Then again it's not like I would, and it's not like I've ever actually stuck around and fallen asleep with someone for them to tell me. I look down because now embarrassment is settling in. We've been fucking for months now and yeah a few times we ended up staying at the others place. It makes me wonder just how many times I've done it. She really doesn't deserve this because she's a really cool chick.

She shrugs slightly and then a grin makes its way across her lips. "Because you fuck like an animal, that's why….and you're hot." She winks. That gets a chuckle out of me. Yeah, the sex is wicked good, this I know. "And I'm not trying to win your heart or anything Faith. You're just fun and easy to be with. Not like most of the assholes I've been with before."

"But this is beyond fucked up V, you don't deserve this….I don't deserve you being so understanding right now."

"You really don't." She laughs. "But you let me decide that okay? You've never given me any reason to believe that this could be more. It is what it is, you know? You blow in and out of my life and I've accepted this for what it is." She shrugs.

I just sit back and watch her, waiting for her to turn into some vengeance demon or something nasty looking and pull my heart out and eat it. She doesn't though, she just stares back at me and it's making me wicked uncomfortable.

"Uh...so yeah, I guess I better motor." I state and start to look around hoping to recognize some of my clothes strewn about.

V has other plans though and she reaches to pull me down to lay beside her. "You're not going anywhere." I'm hesitant at first, thinking this has to be some kind of trick. She just keeps pulling me though and I finally comply and cautiously lay with her.

She's gonna go all basic instinct on my ass any minute now and pull an ice pick from under her pillow and start stabbing me I just know it. On instinct I try to remember where the hell I pulled my boots off at, there's a small dagger that I keep there. But I was drunk off my ass when we got here, there's no telling where they are. I'm so fucked right now. And not in a good way.

"Relax Faith, you've had a lot to drink tonight which is why I had to drive us here remember? I'm not going to send you out like that. Plus you're freakishly strong so I promise I'm not going to try to do anything weird to you. I wouldn't even think of it." I feel her chuckle when she says this and I guess she can feel the tension coming off of me. "I'm not mad or anything….okay, not much….but I am really disappointed because you fucked up what was about to be a body numbing orgasm, but I can deal."

I smile at that and look up at her. "Well if you're okay with how screwed up I am, do you wanna go again?" I look up at her and wiggle my brows and it makes her laugh again.

"No…I've had enough embarrassment for one night. I think you just need to sleep right now and clear your head." She reaches over me to turn off the light and then settles down next to me and pulls the sheet across us both. Damn…why can't I let myself fall for this girl because she's seriously too good to be true?

We're both quiet for a long moment, me thinking about what just happened and the fact that all I saw was Buffy when I was with V and how real it felt. I needed it to feel real and boy did it. I needed it to be Buffy and damn, it was. It was like I could feel and smell her. Even though I know it was all in my wicked mind, I can't help as my body recharges itself at the memory in my head of fucking Buffy and the fact that I didn't get off. But there is the fact that it wasn't her I was doing those things to, it was this warm body lying beside me. I slide my hand across V's stomach, making my way lower before it's stopped in its track.

"That's not leading to sleep….now stop." She chuckles and moves my hand and holds it.

"Oh c'mon…we can even turn the lights on so I can see that it's you this time."

"You're an asshole." She laughs as she says this so I know she's not mad about it.

"Yeah I get that a lot." I grumble.

She doesn't say anything else, nor does she let go of my hand letting me know that we're done fucking tonight. I will myself not to get frustrated by it, because hey…I don't have the right. And honestly I know that I only want her because of the wicked images I have in my head of a certain blonde Slayer. I just lay here in her arms and listen to her breath before allowing myself to fully relax and do what she asked….sleep, or try to anyway.

But I can't. The more I lay here the more wrong it feels. I shouldn't be here. I don't even want to be here. I'm only with her to try to prove a point, one that I know I'm wicked wrong about. I only wanted to fuck this woman again to prove to myself that I could. But now all I feel is an incredible sense of dread flowing through me. It kinda feels like I'm cheating. How fucked up is that? Feeling like you're cheating on someone that you aren't even with. Damn. Devoted huh? Like a motherfucker.

"Maybe you should tell her how you feel." It was more of a statement and not something to be ponder even though she said maybe.

"Don't have to, she knows." I mumble against her shoulder and think about when I made my confession. It was done purely out of anger at Buffy for thinking she knew what I was feeling, and thinking I was denying it to myself.

"Oh." She's quiet for a few minutes. "So you told her?"

I shake my head a little and chuckle. "No, she told me, then I freaked out on her and left."

"So is that why you came to the club angry and trying to drink the place out of business? She doesn't feel the same way?"

"I don't know. She didn't exactly say anything about how she actually feels, just that she knows how I feel." I sigh heavily and pull out of her arms to lay on my back and stare into the darkness. I think about this for a moment. If B would've let on about how she feels would I have stayed to hear her out?

I was so caught up and angry over her reading me and calling me out that I just bolted. Would she even have said she felt something for me too? I mean she did kiss me. You don't do something like that unless you feel something right? Just what the hell does she feel? Is she just playing me because she knows I want her? Or does she actually want to try something?

Does it even matter though? Whatever she does feel could never amount to how I feel about her. A one-sided thing where one person is giving and the other is just taking is just something I don't want to deal with. That never leads to anything good. Me and B could never amount to anything but me being a fool in love and ending up with my heart being ripped out again.

No. It doesn't matter. None of what she says does. And nothing I feel for her does either. I've dealt with this for far too long to let having her knowing about it screw with me. I just hope she doesn't try to push this and ruin the friendship we have. If we even have that anymore.

"Well she has to feel something right? Why else would she even acknowledge what she thinks you feel for her if she didn't feel the same way? Or at least be something she wants to explore?"

Another sigh. "You don't know Buffy like I do. She's…..difficult, and complicated as hell when it comes to her love life. She's use to people wanting to be with her."

"And you aren't? You're a gorgeous woman Faith, and you're really sweet when you aren't being a jackass and calling out another woman's name." I feel her chuckle and then smack me lightly.

I smile a little. "Yeah I know I'm hot, that's why you put up with me." She smacks me again. "But it's different with B. Even when she's being a grade-A bitch, she still manages to draw people in and they end up tripping over themselves for her."

"Me thinking she wants to be in some kind of relationship, with me of all people, is about the stupidest thing I could be thinking right now. Besides, she's never even been with a chick….at least not that I know of. She probably just wants to experiment or something now that she's single again." I confess, not really getting why I'm talking about this with her. We don't usually talk about our lives or anything heavy. We fuck, joke around with each other and laugh. We keep it simple, that's why I like this girl. No strings.

"And you don't want that? Not the experimenting part, I think you got the girl on girl action down pretty good." Another chuckle. "But I mean the relationship part. Don't you even want to try with her?"

I think about the weight of that question. Do I want that? A relationship with Buffy? "I don't know," I answer honestly. Playing lap dog just doesn't seem appealing to me.

"You're in love with her, how can you not know?"

I pull away slightly. "And who says I'm in love with her. Why can't I just ya know, be in like with her or something like that?"

Now she flat out laughs at my ass. "I think we both know you're way past the in like stage Faith. The night she saw us together you couldn't get me out of your place fast enough. And hello, you called her name when we were having sex. You don't do shit like that over people you just like a lot. You're in love with her, just admit it and save yourself the drama."

Damn. Am I really am that transparent? When the fuck did I become such an open book for people? There's no telling who else is running around reading this fucked up tale. Man do I feel like a chump. And okay, I guess all the points she just threw in my face, it isn't really that hard to read. And yeah I know exactly how I feel about B, but for other people to know that shit as well ain't cool.

"Doesn't matter how I feel about her. B and I have a past, and not a very good one."

"But the two of you are friends now, and you work together. It seems your past isn't an issue anymore."

"Our past will always be an issue….you don't do the shit we've done to each other and it not be. It's complicated."

"Most things worth having usually are. Sometimes it's better to risk everything than to hold on to nothing because you're afraid of what will happen. If you keep living in the past how will you ever know if you have a future with her? "

I think about what she's saying. "How many fortune cookies did you have to eat to put that shit together?"

She laughs genuinely and grabs a pillow and hits me over the head with it. "That's it for you Faith, I'm done playing cupid to your morbid love life. You're on your own now." She says, but it still doesn't stop her from running her hand through my hair and over the top of my head. Yeah, she still digs me.

I have to admit that this sitch is getting more fucked up by the minute. Not five minutes ago I was having sex with this woman, and now she's trying to hook me up with my dream girl. Yeah. Only in my screwed up life would something like this happen. 'Faith the Vampire Slayer: The Tragic Love Story - the Saga Continues'. But hey, it could be worse. I could have an ice pick in my chest right now.

"Do you think maybe you should talk about it?" She asks while she's still stroking my head.

"Uh…no, I've had all the fucked up conversations I can stand in one night." I really have, but I still wouldn't talk about it anymore with her anyway. That's me and B's thing….our fuck up, she shouldn't have to hear about it, nor would she understand it. I'd have to tell her all about me, and about Buffy….vamps, demons and the whole lot of it for her to fully understand how we got to that place where we hurt each other, and I'm not even going there.

She laughs. "No silly, I didn't mean with me, but maybe you should talk about it with her. I'm guessing you haven't or it wouldn't be bothering you this much."

"Oh." Yeah. Oh is right. Me and B never talk about the past and I'm kinda glad about that, there's no point in reliving all that shit by talking about it. The time I threw the Angel deal up in her face and we fought was about as close as we've gotten to talking about our past. It's way too painful and just something I don't want to deal with.

Through the years that we've been doing the 'get to know you' thing, not once have we talked about things that happened when we were kids. Not me siding with the Mayor. Not her trying to feed me to her boyfriend and stabbing me. Not me coming back and trying to get revenge. Not any of it. We just kinda glossed over the bad parts and moved on from all that and became something I never expected us to be. Friends. Just friends.

The conversation ends at that and I'm grateful that she doesn't say more. I turn back to her and drape my arm across her waist. She pushes herself close to me and kisses the side of my head before throwing an arm and a leg across me. When the hell did I get so damn….snuggly? I don't do this kind of thing. I've slept in the same bed with this woman before, but only after a night of drinking and hot sex, but we've never cuddled and now here I am just letting her hold me.

I admit, I'm not exactly hating it, only it's not with the one I really want to be doing this sort of thing with. She doesn't feel right. There's no warm feeling inside of me from being this close to her. She doesn't taste right. And yeah, a few kisses with B and now I'm all addicted.

I breathe in real deep and then sigh out into the room and finally feel some semblance of sleep falling over me. It's probably just the weight of all the shit that has happened tonight taking its toll. Then something hits me.

"I really say her name when I sleep?"

She answers initially with a sigh of her own before she answers the question. "You really do."

"Damn, so is that how you knew who she was even though you've never met?" I lift my head slightly. "You two have never met right?"

Another laugh from her. "No, we've never met and from what you say about her I'm glad of it or I might find myself head over heels with her too. But yes, that's how I figured it was her when I saw her." She's quiet for a few minutes. "She's pretty, I can see why you like her so much."

I make a noncommittal noise before laying my head back down. Understatement of the year because B's beyond that. And what another weird fucking conversation to be having right now. So I don't say anything else, hoping that she won't either, about Buffy. But then something else hits me, something Buffy joked about and it still cracks me up.

"Hey, do you go to college or something?"

She laughs harder this time. "No, I actually like my job…it pays well and affords me a nice shoe collection." I guess she knew where I was going with that.

I chuckle at that and feel myself finally starting to relax a little. Another damn shoe fetish chick…gotta love em. Or at least I do…well, only one of them. I'm so fucked.

* * *

 

"What's the what B?" I push my way inside of her office and stand near the door to see her sitting behind her desk and staring at her laptop. I already know the score. She's either about to yell at me or give me one of her big speeches on responsibility. She doesn't say anything though, she just keeps sitting there staring, and it's making me uneasy. More uneasy than I've already been feeling around her.

Things have been strained between us since the last time we went out and she dropped a bomb on me. And yeah, since the last time because I've been avoiding her like the plague recently. But I haven't had to try real hard because I think she's kinda been avoiding me too. But that's probably my fault though.

We've been fighting for the past three days. And fighting probably isn't the best word to use. It's more of me picking a fight, her yelling at me, and me walking off. The first little spat we had was on a night of patrol with some of the juniors. We came across a few vamps and she yelled at me for staking them all. What can I say? I'm a Slayer damnit, I was only doing what was natural. Only B didn't see it that way. She gave me the 'we're supposed to be teaching them' speech. I gave her the 'fuck off' speech. I mean really, what better way to teach them than to show them how it's done?

The next day we had another meeting to discuss the flying vamp sitch. I yelled at Giles and Red for once again dragging me into another pointless meeting about nothing because they still didn't have any info. B gave me the 'they're trying and sometimes these things take time' speech. I gave her the 'fuck off' speech. Hmmm, I'm sensing a pattern here.

I don't want to fight with her. I really don't. It hurts more than I can ever say to be doing this especially when things have been good between us. Every time I see her all I want to do is drop to my knees and tell her how sorry I am for acting like such an asshole and ask her to forgive me and have us go back to how things were. But I won't.

It would only feed into whatever she has in that pretty little head of hers, and if I know B, she won't stop trying to push this even if she knows she could be wrong. This is why I never wanted to act on my feelings for her, if thing went bad, what I feel now will only be magnified and I'm not going down that road again. I wish she never would've said anything about knowing how I feel. I wish I didn't feel this way. But she did, and I do. And now here we are.

This probably isn't going to end well. I'm already frustrated as hell and I know she's been tense. Yeah, this definitely won't end well. I already know why she asked me here. I just wish she'd say something already so we can get this over with and I can be on my way.

"Uh, B? You wanna get this show on the road? Just got done with my first class, I'm wicked hungry and all the juniors are tearing through the cafeteria right now."

"Yeah, sorry….I um," she mumbles and blinks a few times like she's pulling herself out of some kind of daze and then finally looks at me. "I just wanted to know if you thought you'd need some extra help with this mission."

I frown slightly. Is this what she really called me in here for? Not to yell, or give me shit for leaving. She wants to know if I need help. This has to be a trap. I ease my hands into the pockets of my sweat pants before cautiously stepping inside of the room more to stand in front of her desk. I have to tread carefully here, I'm half expecting some of the pictures sitting on her desk to come flying at my head any minute now.

"Uh no, I'm good."

"Are you sure? I mean I get that you're the best tracker we have, but for them to need the best would mean it's a pretty big deal right?" She's staring at me with an intensity that I feel all over. Something isn't right here.

"They've been looking for this creep for a while B, just thought I could help out and get this fucker dead sooner rather than later, ya know?"

"Yes I do know Faith." She rubs at the bridge of her nose before closing the lid on her laptop. "I know that you chose this mission not because they needed you, but because you're trying to put some distance between us."

See. I knew it. A fucking trap! I shake my head, scoff and then let out a humorless chuckle. Not because I find the funny in this, but because she's right. Not that I'm going to tell her that though.

"Leave it to you to think that the world revolves around you B. I took this mission because they need help, and like you said Princess, I'm the best Slayer we got to find this guy. Has nothing to do with you, just doing my job."

"Knowing what we have going on here, you decide to up and leave and you expect me to believe that you aren't running away so you don't have to deal with what I said the other night? That's a load of bull and you know it."

"There ain't shit going on here B! It's like we're sitting around waiting on nothing to happen. The super geeks don't know shit. We haven't ran into anything freaky out on patrol because we aren't actively looking for anything! And so what….I take on a mission like I always do to help out. I'm doing my fucking job B. They need me!" I yell angrily.

"I need you!" B yells back while standing and she slams her palm against her desk. There's so much fire in her eyes and it was said with so much conviction and emotion it floors me.

My mouth gapes open with my heart threatening to fall out of it as it hangs in my throat. I watch as she rounds the desk quickly and she stands in front of me. Her eyes are glistening, and fuck I hope she's not about to cry. I know that if she does it will be my undoing.

"I need you Faith." Her tone is much softer now as her hands come up to cup my face in her hands.

The sad look in her eyes makes me want to put my arms around her and let her know that she has me. Always has. But I don't. I can't. Instead I bring my hands up to remove hers, shake my head and take a few steps back. I can't be this close to her because so many emotions are flowing through me right now. I feel anxiety, sadness, and dread. The one thing I feel the most though is love, and it feels so overwhelming that it makes me want to break down and cry.

"You don't need me B, you never have." My voice catches in my throat when the words come out. It must've tripped over my heart that's still stuck there. Now I'd like to think that when she said she needed me, she meant that she needed me here helping her figure out this flying vamp sitch, or to help train the other Slayers. I know I'd be lying to myself if I believed that though. It was the way she said it and the look in her eyes, that lets me know she meant it in another way that I'm not ready to deal with.

"And you're stupid if you believe that, because I need you so much, and in so many ways Faith." She says while disregarding my effort to put some space between us and closes the distance again. She places her hand against my stomach and clutches at the material of my t-shirt. The slightest touch from her is enough to put everything inside of me into overdrive.

"Why now B?" My voice comes out small and I hate that she's making me feel this way. "Why do you decide that now is the time that you wanna do this? Why throw all this shit at me now? It just doesn't make any sense."

She sighs and drops her hands before she turns away from me and starts fiddling with the pictures on her desk. It's like she's nervous or something. Okay, so now she chooses as the time to get all quiet and nervous? After a long moment, she shakes her head and picks up one of the pictures before looking back up at me with a small frown on her face.

"Nothing about any of this was sudden Faith. It's not as if I just woke up one day and thought, oh hey, I think I'm attracted to the most complicated and closed off woman on the planet."

"Complicated and closed off huh? You may want to check with the judges on that one B, I think you may be in the running for first place on that one."

She chuckles, but I can see there's no humor in it. Then she looks down at the picture in her hand before she looks back to me and turns it over for me to see. I stare at the picture she's holding and I'm stunned. It's the picture of me and her on her birthday, the night where I almost kissed her and Xander went all Jimmy Olsen on my ass. And damn. When did she get this? More importantly, how long has she had it sitting on her desk? I slowly reach out and grab it from her and stare at it. This was a good night.

"Like I said, nothing about this was sudden. What I do know is that this night?" She grabs the edge of the picture to look down at it. "It made me realize that maybe you might've felt something too."

I look at her to see that she's staring at me with those eyes. And fuck they are going to be the death of me.

"You went out of your way to make sure I didn't have another year to add to the 'Buffy bad birthday' list. That night made me realize that maybe I wasn't the only one feeling something more."

"B, that was over a year ago. The year after that I was on another mission and all I sent you was a crappy card that I found in a convenience store in the middle of nowhere."

"It wasn't crappy at all Faith, it was sweet. The fact that you found the time to send me anything at all made me happy because I knew you were thinking about me."

She takes the picture from me and looks at it for a long time, and all I can do is stand here and watch her. She has a small smile on her face and I can't help but wonder what it is she's thinking about. I don't say anything though, because I'm still stuck in stupidville over the fact that she has it, and it's sitting on her desk.

"You know, I found out when your birthday was. I wanted to do something special for you and make yours just as memorable as you've made mine, but you always never seem to be around." She frowns slightly. "In fact, you never seem to be around during any of the major holidays. I started to think it was done on purpose, so I didn't want to make a big deal and make you uncomfortable if you were being all avoidy."

She's not wrong. Birthdays and holidays have never been an especially happy time for me, so I avoid being around people if I can help it when they roll around. After so many years of horrible memories where they are concerned, I've just avoided them altogether. But that's beside the point. I still don't get all of this. Why she all of a sudden wants to drop this shit on me now.

"So I remembered your birthday B, big deal. What does that have to do with anything? If you've been feeling….whatever the hell you have been, why tell me all of this now? Why not before? I don't get it."

She sighs before placing the picture back on her desk. I can tell she's trying to look at anything but me now, and hell I'm grateful that she is. I'm not sure I can take looking into her eyes right now.

"After all the signs and mixed signals we were throwing at each other, I still wasn't sure of what was happening or even understood it. I figured that if I wasn't sure of what I thought I was feeling, I couldn't say anything about it and expect you to understand it either. So I waited….I waited because I wanted to be sure of at least what it was I felt. Then throughout all of the waiting it turned into something that was a whole lot more than I expected."

Fuck me. What the hell is she saying? I still don't understand all of this. Is she saying she has feelings for me? What the fuck is she saying already!

"B, you're talking in circles here. Just what the hell are you on about already? You still haven't answered me when I asked why now. What made you so sure of all of this now after so long?"

Another sigh from her and she finally looks at me. I clench my teeth at the look in her eyes because I know I have to prepare myself for some shit I'm not ready for.

"When I saw you with that other woman….it…it just." She shakes her head again before breathing in real deep and then letting it out. "I didn't like it." I open my mouth to say something but she holds up her hand to stop me. "I'm not stupid enough to believe that was the first woman you've ever been with, but it was just soooo….so in my face you know?" She shrugs.

I scoff at this. Is she kidding me? Uh yeah I do know B because that's what I've been feeling for years where her and her at the time boyfriends are concerned.

"You've been screwing around with your pretty boys far longer than it took you to see me with someone. So you see me with another chick and what, you were jealous?" And Damn. That jealously shit crossed my mind at the time but I brushed it aside because I never imagined that it could actually be true.

She nods and shrugs slightly. " I guess I just finally came to the decision after having all of these feelings and not doing anything about them. That I was the only, and last woman, I wanted you to be with. I knew that if didn't stop being so afraid, and go after what I wanted, I'd miss my chance and lose you to someone else."

Wow. I don't even know what to say to that. Honestly, what can I say to that? So I go with that thought and just don't say anything, and just stand here and stare like a moron. Luckily for me, she isn't done talking.

"But even before I saw you with her, none of this was sudden. When we had that huge fight in Cleveland and you said those things you said to me, it made me think."

I open my mouth to tell her that that was years ago and that I was angry when I said those things, but she holds her hand up again to keep me from speaking.

"I got so angry with you but not because of what you said," she pauses for a second and looks thoughtful. "Okay, so yeah it was mainly because of what you said, but deep down I was mad because I knew you were right on some level. Right or wrong though, I heard you Faith….every single word, and god I wanted you so much that night but just couldn't bring myself to give in to that at the time."

"Why couldn't you?" I find myself asking. I know I shouldn't be entertaining this because deep down I know she's about to say something that's gonna tear me apart. And I've always wondered about that night. I've wondered if what I was feeling from her was the fact that she wanted me, but she pushed me away in the end so it left so many doubts in my mind and nothing really happened after that. But now, here she is saying that she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. What a mind fuck.

She sighs heavily again and suddenly finds her hands interesting. The tension in the room is thick as hell and I'm holding my breath, hanging on for her next words.

"I had been so angry with you for so long, and I never would've allowed myself to give in to anything that resembled feelings of the let's get naked and have angry sex variety. I guess I wasn't ready to forgive you then. I always used to wonder why I couldn't. In one night though, you made me face it…..all the reasons why just seem to hit me like, all at once. I felt betrayed by you, and it hurt…a lot. I was so angry when things got so bad between us, but more so with myself because I knew that I could only feel that much hurt and anger over someone I really cared about."

She's fiddling with her hands again. "And I cared about you Faith, to a point that I didn't know what to do with it, so I did the only thing I could do. I turned on you too and I wanted you to hurt just as much as I was hurting."

"Believe me, a knife to the gut definitely hurt B, you were right on the money with that one." I stupidly blurt out and instantly regret it when her head shoots up and she looks at me. Her eyes are large, like she can't believe I just said that, hell I can't believe I just said that because I thought I put all that shit behind me.

And Jesus Christ, she looks like she's about to cry and I can feel my resolve crumbling because I can see how much what I said hurt her. It's almost like I can feel how much it hurts her and it makes me sick. I promised myself that I'd never do anything to hurt her again and then I go and say something stupid like that.

"I shouldn't have said that." I mumble out and look away because I can't stand the way she's looking at me now.

"No, it's okay, it never should've gotten that far. We've both done things that we can't take back now and I was filled with so much anger and rage at you that it just….it all just got out of hand before either of us could stop it, and I'm sorry for the part I played in that."

I raise my head to look at her and my mind is so blown right now and I don't know what to think about this. All I can do is stare at her like she's out of her mind. So yeah. That has to be it….she's lost it because there's no way she's in her right mind right now, to say what she's saying about being sorry and having feelings for me, and actually mean it.

"You're insane," I mumble, and now I'm pacing because this is all just too damn much. "Yeah that's it. It's the only explanation for this….you're out of your fucking mind." That's really all I can come up with because I refuse to believe what she's telling me. It just doesn't make any sense. Buffy hated me. She stabbed me and tried to feed me to her vamp boyfriend for fucks sake. Now I'm supposed to believe all of this shit?

"Maybe, but not about this. I think part of the reason I was so hell bent on you going back to prison when we left Sunnydale was because I knew if you came with us I'd have to deal with my feelings, and I wasn't ready for that just yet. But you did come with us, and I was so mad at you because you did, so I shut down."

Shut down is putting it lightly. She was a bitch to me every chance she got, and with me being around all the time, that was a lot. Nothing I ever did was good enough and she made sure I knew it. That doesn't exactly scream warm fuzzies to me.

"I stopped wasting all of my energy on being mad and trying to hate you, and that's when I really started feeling so much more." She shrugs slightly like she's thinking about something, then she continues on.

"I think that us finally taking the time to get to know each other all over again, and building the trust we have now gave me the chance to grow into and accept things I never would've before. There was still an unknown factor here though. I wasn't real sure on what it was you were feeling. With all the flirting and mixed signals, I couldn't bring myself to believe that just maybe you felt the same way, because you flirt with everyone and there was a real possibility that I was reading you all wrong."

She shakes her head again, indicating she knows she was wrong. She looks up and her gaze locks onto mine and she slowly starts to move towards me and I'm powerless to stop her. She smiles a little and stops in front of me. She's looking me in the eyes, and all I can think of doing is walking over to her and kissing her again. She doesn't realize how much what she's saying means but I know I can't allow myself to get caught up in it. Nothing good will come from me letting her words touch my heart in ways she'll never fully understand.

"But when we kissed the other night? There was no mistake in what I was reading then, and I know you felt it too." She stops in front of me and now we're staring each other in the eyes. "So I guess that makes me sane girl right now because I know what I want…and that's you."

Damn she's said a mouthful. Too damn much in fact. And I asked for this shit? What the hell was I thinking? She has that look about her that says she's made up her mind and nothing anyone says or does will change it. She's convinced herself that this is what she wants. That I'm whatshe wants, and I think I hate her right now for sounding so sure. Okay so maybe I don't….I could never hate her.

"So I think it's you that's the insane one Faith. If you can honestly keep fighting this and pretending you don't feel anything."

Is that what she thinks? That I'm denying how I feel about her? And now I've gone and changed my mind because I do kinda hate her right now. I hate that she thinks she has all the answers, yet she's so clueless. I hate that I feel this way about her. Most of all I hate that she really has no clue about what it is that I'm really fighting where she's concerned. She thinksI'm falling in love with her. Fuck her. I'm way beyond falling. She honestly has no fucking clue.

Does she really think that just because she's just now 'growing' into her feelings that what I feel for her hasn't been here all along? How fucking selfish of her to think that just because she wants this now, I'm suddenly supposed to fall in line. Well fuck that.

"Fighting this? Is that what you think I'm doing?" I sneer at her and close the remaining distance between us. "You have no clue about what I'm fighting B."

"Well then clue me in F, because when you ran out on me, and the fact that you're trying to leave now, and pretend like nothing ever happened, says more than you ever will."

I grab her face in my hands and look directly into her eyes because I've had about all I can take of this. I want her to know that what I'm saying isn't a lie or me pretending. She only stares back at me with wide eyes and I can see that they've darkened to that beautiful hazel which means she's fighting with something….or she's afraid. Either way I don't care because I'm sick of her little head game and now it's time that she knows the truth. The real truth and not the Buffy Summers version of it.

"If you think that I'm pretending that I don't feel anything for you then you really are out of your goddamn mind, do you know that?" I don't wait for an answer because honestly, I'm tired of hearing her talk…it's time for her to listen.

"I love you more than I need to breathe Buffy, because everything thing inside of me….every part of me, is in love with you, and always has been. When we kissed it felt so damn good that it's all I can think about."

Her mouth is gaping now and she looks like she's having trouble breathing, but she doesn't say anything. Good, because I'm not finished.

"There isn't a second of the day that goes by that I don't think about you. You're all I see and all I want. I dream about you when I sleep…fuck B, I dream about you when I'm awake. My head is so screwed up I swear I'm losing my fucking mind because I can't seem to draw that line between dreams and reality anymore with you. So you think I'm afraid to admit how I feel about you?" I wait a beat, just so I can gauge her stunned reaction before I finish. "I'm not afraid to admit that Buffy, I've always known. I just live with it better now."

How's that for clueing her in?

Her eyes go wide at my little confession and I can see unshed tears in them. I honestly didn't mean to go that far, but when I started I just couldn't stop and now I'm filled with nothing but regret for letting her know. No one, especially the person that can hurt you with it, should know shit like that. I release the hold I have on her face and she grabs one of my hands before I can move away.

"Faith, I…," she starts, but I stop her from saying anything. Whatever it is she's about to say I don't wanna hear it….I can't hear it.

"Don't Buffy….just don't okay." I hold up the hand she doesn't have a grip on to stop whatever she's trying to say.

'Faith I didn't think your feelings were that strong'

'Faith I never knew you felt that way about me'

'Faith I love you'

I shake my head at what my fucked up mind conjures in her unspoken words. Whatever it was she was about to say, I don't wanna know….I can't know because it will probably destroy me.

"You see B, this can never happen." I motion between us. "It's too dangerous."

"D…dangerous?" She manages still holding on to my hand.

"Yeah, because I loved you once to the point of madness B, and I can't go back to the person I was then. This is why this can't happen. Not now….not ever."

I tear my hand out of hers, step away and turn my back to her knowing that if I continue to stare into her eyes I'll crumble to my knees in front of her.

"We nearly destroyed each other once because feelings were involved. My feelings. I was a fucked up kid when I allowed my feelings to control my actions and everything that happened after that is still just too raw for me, you know? And it probably always will be."

She's quiet now and I turn to look at her and she looks so confused, like she really didn't know that I had feelings for her back in the day. How could she be that stupid and unaware of something that was so blatantly obvious?

And okay so maybe I'm being unfair. I wasn't exactly confessing my undying love for her and giving her any reason to think I was anything more than a horny, fucked up kid with a bleak view on relationships and the world.

Or maybe she was just too wrapped up in her own drama that she couldn't see that I was drowning in her. Either way it doesn't matter. None of it matters now, and I refuse to allow myself to fall back into that.

If she doesn't get it then she probably never will. I can't make her understand just how bad us trying to be something more than we are, will be for the both of us. I do know that this is just too much and I really just need to get the hell away from her. I so wasn't expecting this conversation when I stepped into this room. Now I've had my fill out it. Time to motor.

I back away from her and turn slowly on my heels to make my way to the door.

"Faith wait….please."

I sigh, but stop dead in my tracks even though I know I shouldn't have. I don't turn around though. I hear her footsteps behind me and I moan quietly as I feel one of her hands thread through my hair and she grabs my hand with the other.

"Promise me," she says quietly and lays her head on the back of my shoulder.

Fuck. I knew I should've kept walking. I'd be out the door by now and away from her touch. I'm such a fucking idiot.

"Anything." My voice cracks as I say it and I close my eyes because I know she's about to ask the impossible of me.

She doesn't say anything though, instead she wraps her arm around me from behind and place it on my stomach and squeezes the hand she's already holding. The warmth of her pressed against my back and her warm hand in mine has my senses on overload and it's making me dizzy. She feels so good and it's like she's melting into me she so warm.

"I understand why you think you have to run from this, so I won't push, but I don't want to lose you to whatever doubts you're having right now. So please promise me that you just won't walk away from me….or from us without thinking about how good and how right we could be together...how right we have been." She tightens her arms around me, her voice cracks and she sniffs trying to hold back her tears.

I sigh and squeeze my eyes shut even tighter. I stand here for a long moment breathing heavily. I can feel her strong heartbeat thudding softly against my back and falling in sync with my own. Even when I know I should be moving, I can't because of the warm feeling of her all over and inside of me. With another deep sigh, and finally turn around to face her. She looks so sad, but so damn gorgeous with those beautiful hazel eyes looking at me and making me lose my resolve.

I bring my hand to the back of her head and lean in to lay a kiss on the side of it, once again giving her my answer. It's the answer I always give. It's the one that let's her know I'd do anything for her. And because I'm a big fucking idiot I bring my other hand up to her cheek and lay my forehead against hers.

"You're half of the flesh and blood that makes whatever it is inside of me whole Buffy…I could never walk away from that, even when I know I should." Then I place a lingering kiss on her lips, but tear myself away when I feel her starting to respond. I release her and take a step back, and this time when I turn around, I really do leave.

And just like that, she's walked right back into my head again.


	7. No Good in Goodbyes

I walk inside the small aircraft hangar with a shit load of emotions running through me. Anxiety, fear, and something I can't quite figure out. But I have to admit, it feels kinda good. What I'm feeling the most is dread, and not for the long 14 hour flight ahead of me. What I'm dreading more is the feeling I'm getting as I get closer and closer to the small aircraft.

I hate flying. I don't know how many times that that thought has run through my mind since I took this mission. You would think I'd be used to it by now, with as much as I do it. If Slayers were meant to fly TPTB would've given us wings…or made us bad-ass witches. The only thing I hate worse than flying though, is teleporting.

I once asked Red how exactly she did it. She rambled off some shit about particle displacement with magic from one place to another. I honestly had no clue what the hell she was on about, but my version of it was that she fucks with us, and hope we end up the way we are supposed to be when we get to our destination.

Yeah…no. I don't especially like the idea that I could end up with my head attached somewhere that wasn't my neck, or any weapon I'm carrying being stuck in places other than my hand, when we finally land. She tried to assure me that wouldn't happen, but magic can get wonky. I'd prefer not to chance it if I can help it.

So I stick with the flying death boxes that Giles feels it necessary we need by the hanger being full. The way he explained it was it would look 'rather deviant travelling with the general population in our sometimes harsh conditions'. And I guess he's right. Trying to get a crossbow and a small sword through an airport would be a bitch. Plus I don't think any airline would feel too good about a bunch of chicks walking in the place and getting on a plane all bloodied and bruised.

But my hatred of flying isn't the reason I'm dreading getting on the plane right now. It's the feeling that's creeping its way over me and humming through my entire body. I sling my dufflebag over my shoulder and grip the weapons bag in my hand. I climb the steps to see the reason why leisurely occupying one of the seats with a magazine in her hand looking like she's readying herself to take a first class trip somewhere. It would be funny, only she isn't supposed to be here.

Moving over to where she is, I reach up and stick my bags securely in the overhead and plop down in the seat beside her and look at her. She smiles one of those heart stop beautiful smiles at me and I can't help but throw one back at her.

"What's up B? Thought this was a solo flight, you tagging along?"

I really hope she isn't. I need to clear my head and I can't exactly do that with her around. Even now her being so close now is fucking with me, but it feels so damn good when she's around which is why I can never be away from her for too long. But I need this I need to get away from her to try to calm this craving I have for her. And I hope she isn't here to stop me either, if so, we'll probably end up arguing, and I'm really not up for that.

She tucks the magazine in the pocket on the seat in front of her and turns slightly in her own so that she's facing me. "You know, if this were a movie, this would be the moment in the end where I come here to stop you from leaving, then you realize what an idiot you've been this whole time, and you get off this plane with me." She grins at me and it makes me chuckle.

"Yeah?" I ask and she nods a little with a grin still in place. There she is with those silly ass rom-com references again. If it were anyone else I'd tell her them to get a fucking life, but I know the one that she has, and it's no joke. "Well if it were, I'd at least have gotten to feel you up by now to know it'd be worth my while to get off this thing." I tease her, but I know I probably shouldn't have said that because giving how things have gone down between us lately, I just know she sees an opportunity to bring up this whole us being together thing again.

"Oh, well that's totally your own fault on that one." She says amused with a grin still tugging at her lips. "We would've definitely skipped over the PG phase and been more into MA territory by now if it were up to me. Surely you know that after the credits roll and away from impressionable eyes that lots and lots of naughty fun is had that they don't show in the movies right? "

Ya see? I knew she was gonna blow my mind. My mouth opens to form some kind of response but it just kinda hangs opens at the implication and I know I'm sitting here gaping like an idiot right now. I hear her chuckle slightly and I'm sure it's at my expense. Damnit.

I don't know if I'll ever get use to seeing this side of her. The whole side of her talking about wanting me in a non-platonic, let's get wriggly kinda way. She's just so damn bold about it, like she's made up her mind and it's settled. It could be all talk though. Whatever it is, it still has the motor revving because I be damned if I don't want to suggest joining the mile high club right now. But does it still apply if the plane isn't even moving? Oh who cares, I'm sure we could get this thing rocking and I could make her feel like she was flying.

"But nope, I'm here to spoil your get away from Buffy plan." She finally says, and it brings me out of my wicked thoughts. Because who am I kidding? There's no happily ever after starring me and B. Not one that includes me and her getting it on. "I will however ruin your slink away in the night plan. I thought I'd see you off since it seemed you were going to leave without saying goodbye." She smiles lightly at me and I have the decency to look ashamed at her comment because yeah, she's busted me.

So she's here to say goodbye. Or maybe just fuck with my head some more. It's something she's been real good at lately. Which is the reason why I gotta get out of here. Having my head screwed with is never a good thing.

"I thought we did that this morning in your office."

"We really didn't. A lot of things were said this morning, but goodbye wasn't one of them. Our goodbyes usually end with hugs, and a promises from you to be extra careful. You're tempting fate, so I'm here to save the day."

"You always do." I grin at her, and she smiles at me again, and it's enough to make me regret leaving her. Almost anyway. I definitely need to get away from her before I end up doing something I'll really regret.

"So how long is your flight?"

"About 14 hours." I sigh, dreading it already. "Got a bottle of Jack in my bag so hopefully I'll be passed out through most of it. It'll be around noon when I get there." I tell her while glancing down at my watch. When I look back up she's staring at me with those eyes that I can't help but get lost in. Damn I'm gonna miss seeing them.

"Looks like you got it all figure out then." She chuckles. "You sure you don't need any help? We could get a team together in less than an hour to go with you."

I shake my head and look over at her. "No, I can take care of myself, you know that. Plus it's not like I'm doing this alone, I'm just there for the grunt work remember?"

"I know," she sighs, rest back against her seat and rubs at her eyes before pinching the bridge of her nose. "But it's different this time and I want to make sure you'll have as much protection as it takes."

I frown slightly at her. "Protection from what B? I'm not the one being hunted."

She moves her hand and rolls her head in her seat to look at me. That gorgeous green in her eyes is darkening and I know there's something on her mind. "I just want you to be safe that's all, which I know you will be." She reaches over and puts her hand on one of mine that's laying on the arm rest and squeezes a little. She smiles a little but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Any idea of how long you'll be gone?" She asks, effectively changing the subject.

"You know how it goes B, could take weeks….could take months." I shrug and look away from her because now she looks kinda sad and I hate seeing that look especially if I'm the cause of it.

"I know, I just hate it, and miss you when you're away so long." She brings her hand up and moves some hair over my shoulder then brushes the back of her hand across my cheek. It makes me shiver a little and my skin tingles all over from just the simple touch.

"It is what it is, ya know?" I reply with a shrug and remember to breathe. I don't say what I'm really thinking though, which is I always miss her like crazy too, and that it never gets any easier.

"Well I guess the sooner you leave the sooner you'll be able to come back right?"

"If you put it that way, yeah I guess." I chuckle and nod a little.

"Well, let's not prolong this any further then and you get moving." She tells me and I feel her move closer to me, bring her other hand up to cup the side of my face and turn it towards her. Her thumb lightly brushes along one of my brows and then she leans in, and before I can react, she places a soft kiss on my lips, and then another.

My heart slams against my chest and I close my eyes at the feel of her warm mouth on mine. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I had the chance to react that I would've pulled away. I miss kissing her already. Kissing her is like nothing I've ever felt before, and she has me wanting more of it. She isn't pressing for anything hot and heavy, but I still can't help the moan that pulls its way out of my throat at the soft, wet butterfly kisses she's steadily pressing against my lips. Fuck that feels good.

I know now is not the time to let her keep screwing with me though. I know if I let her keep this up it will turn into something more so I pull away from her, take a deep breath, and put my forehead against hers. Her hand is still against my face and she's rubbing her thumb across my cheek softly now. It feels so good having her touch me like that. Even something as innocent as what she's doing now has me drowning in my desire for her.

"What're you doing B?" I say in a low, husky whisper.

"Saying goodbye," she whispers just as softly against my lips before kissing me again, like it's the most natural thing in the world for us.

Shit. She really has to stop doing that or I don't think I'll ever leave her. I pull away again, swallow hard, and try to catch my breath without panting like a bitch in heat. "Yeah but this ain't usually how it goes though."

I feel her pull back slightly. "Not usually…but when you tell a girl you're in love with her I think you should expect some goodbye kissage from now on."

My eyes pop open and I see a slow grin spread across her lips. Fuck. Did she really just go there? And yes….yes, she just did. And it's not like I expected her to just forget about it, even though I wish she would. But damn. Did she really have to bring that up? And now she's about to kiss me again, but this time I don't let her. I move away and then bring my hand up to take hers away from my face.

"Buffy…you really gotta stop doing that." I plead, hoping that she will, and just let me leave.

"Why should I?"

Why? Is she nuts? So okay, I've already concluded that she must be insane when she kissed me the first time a few days ago. Now I think it's me that's the crazy one for not just letting this happen, even though I know I'll get burned in the end. Ain't that what the smart dude with the weird hair said the definition of insanity is? Doing shit you know is crazy and expecting it to be different? Well, it was some bullshit like that anyway. Only I'm not stupid enough to believe that getting something going with B will have a result other than heartache just because she keeps dropping kisses on me. Really hot kisses at that. But that's beside the point.

"Because I don't wanna hurt you." I answer. And I don't want to hurt myself either for that matter.

"Then don't." She counters and brings her hand back up to caress my cheek.

I shake my head at her because I wish it were that easy. "The only way I know not to do that, is to not do this." I motion between the two of us. "We shouldn't be doing this."

"Maybe, maybe not," she shrugs. "But we will."

She smiles beautifully at me, and leans in and drops a quick kiss on my lips. "Be careful Faith, because when you get back I'll show you all the reasons why we should be doing this." She whispers across my lips before she stands. I look up at her and I have no words for her. No snarky reply. No flirty comeback. Not even a fuck off. I'm fucking speechless. Imagine that.

She looks down at me with a smile still in place, runs her hand fingers through my hair and kisses the top of my head before she eases past me and walks away.

I'm still speechless as I watch her leave. Not that I could come up with a proper response to any of what she said or just did even if I want to, because my brain just shut down trying to think of exactly what she means by 'showing' me. In my deprived state all I can think of is her fucking my brains out. That would definitely be a hellavu 'show'.

Fuck. I really need to get it together.

* * *

 

"Piece of shit." I mumble after finally finding the broken off switch on the lamp and getting it to turn on. I place the bag I'm holding down on the table and kick the door closed behind me. I look around the room. It's small, dark and kinda reminds me of all the time I spent in the shitty motel back in Sunnydale and a few other places I've stayed in my life. And that definitely brings back some memories.

Not good ones. But it has the bare essentials that I need….a bed and a shower. I could've snagged better living quarters, but this place is close to where I need to be. I guess no matter what country you're in, it's always gonna have a place considered the slums. But oh well, guess it's home for now.

So, I've been in Tokyo for almost a week helping out with the sitch here. I opted out of staying on the base. They live in close quarters and I really don't want to be around anyone more than I have to. Buffy has my head so screwed up right now that I don't trust myself to do much more than hunt and slay. It keeps my mind busy and I think about her less when I'm out doing what I do best. It's probably the only thing that's good for my sanity right now.

So being pissed off at the knobby light switch may be a little overboard, but I gotta chose my battles. So guess what? Fuck you little broke off light switch. You get to be the bad guy right now. If it isn't that then it has to be at myself for telling B how I really feel about her and then bailing. I should've never told her that.

I mean it's not exactly like I meant to tell her all of that shit, it just all sorta came out. I never meant for her to know. Never in a million years would I have told her all of that, but I just got pissed off at her thinking I was denying I felt something for her.

It kinda hurt actually. The fact that she's just now coming to whatever realization about her own feelings, whatever the hell they may be, and then her throwing all that crap at me just made it all come to a head. Leave it to B to turn my world upside down just because she's just now realizing that I'm worthy.

Selfish is what she is. Selfish and spoiled as fuck. She's so used to people falling at her feet when she turns on that cute little half smile, and looks at them with those gorgeous freak of nature, color changing eyes of hers.

Now she's got my head all messed up and I don't know what to think about all the shit that has gone down between us in the last few weeks. It felt good kissing her though. To damn good. Too good to be true in fact, and I'm still wondering if it all ever happened. Maybe whatever time we spend apart will put all of this in perspective. Maybe she'll realize that whatever she may be feeling is just a phase, and stop wanting to do the heart to heart thing. Maybe if she does stop, I won't lose my head over it and go all psycho Slayer again.

Okay, so maybe I won't go to that extreme again. I did promise that I'd never hurt her like that again, or myself. I am sure that if she decides that we should forget all about it and go back to how we were that it'd hurt like hell. You don't just tell someone you have feelings for them, and have them pour their heart out to you, and then be all, 'hey, just kidding' and expect them to be happy about it. Despite the fact that I think me and her being together is a bad idea, and I wish everything we said to each other could all be taken back, I know that it can't. But I also know that it would destroy me if she wanted to.

See how messed up she has my head? I mean I want all of this to go away, but at the same time I don't. Fuck. I don't know what I want anymore where she's concerned. This is why this whole sitch is dangerous. Coming to terms with the fact that I could never have her, and her putting it in my head that I can is just too damn much. I know she says she has feelings for me, but she didn't exactly say what those feelings were. I know it's too much to hope that she could actually be in love with me too, so what exactly does she feel?

Does she just want a roll in the sack every now and then? No. Even I'm not stupid enough to believe that. B's not about doing casual. That's my deal. But I know that even I couldn't do that with her. She means too much to me to make her into some kind of fuck buddy, even if she gave me the go ahead. What I do want though, is for her to be happy and I'm not even sure if we did try something I could be the one to make her that way.

That's why I had to leave. This will give us both time to clear our heads and step away from this fucked up deal we're in. It was just too hard being around her and having her look at me with those eyes that I could clearly see were filled with sadness when she looked at me.

It's amazing how things can change in a blink of an eye, and that's exactly what her trying to change the nature of our relationship has done. It changed things between us and I just couldn't stand to be around her knowing what she was wanting and expecting from me. This is why I don't want to do this with her, because things will change and not necessarily for the better.

I miss her something wicked though, and I'm miserable as hell right now. The fact that she's called me every day since I left doesn't help either. I half expected her to be pissed off and go all cold and hard on me for dropping the shit I did on her and then leaving.

Well, I'm pretty sure she's pissed off about me leaving even though we didn't really leave things on bad terms. Gotta give her credit though, she's playing the part well. And maybe I'm being unfair, because I'm sure she would be checking on me even if all that shit didn't go down. I know she cares about me which I'm sure that's why she wanted to send a team with me.

The fact that she hasn't mentioned anything about what we said to each other and about the things we kinda talked about on the plane has me a little on edge though. I mean I don't want to talk about it, but I can't help but wonder what's going on in her mind and if she's really serious about getting all "MA" rated with me. As far as I know B's never been with a chick, so the fact that she's brought it up a few times has me wondering just what brand of freak she is. After all she fucked not one, but two vampires. And nothing says freak like banging the undead.

We only talk for a few minutes a day and it's about Slaying shit. The one night our conversation went over that few minute mark was when she told me they decided to stop sitting around on their hands and had finally started combing the forest for those flying vamps. And when I say they, I know she really means 'she' decided. We all know who runs shit.

To say I wasn't amused was the understatement of the year. She decides to do this shit after I leave? I freaked out big time about it because of those weird dreams I've been having. I mean fuck, I'm glad Queen B decided to pull her head out of her ass and make an appearance, I wondered where she was. It just didn't seem like her to just sit back and wait for shit to pop off before she did something about it. That's just not how she operates. Buffy's a take charge kinda girl, so I don't know what her deal was.

But fuck, did she have to decide this now?! As much as I hate doing it, it took everything I had not to just say fuck it and have Willow transport me back to Scotland so I could be by B's side. But I'm committed to helping out here though, which is why I can't hightail it back right now. They actually do have a real fucked up sitch going down which is why I signed up. And okay, I mainly took the mission to get away from B, because slaying definitely helps me keep my mind off her. And since we were limited to what we can do back at home, I decided to take this on and help track down some elusive demon monk that likes to kidnap kids.

So it was for a good cause even though it was for selfish reasons too. When I read the briefing on what was going down, I made a call to Satsu. She's the Slayer leading the Tokyo crew and she's actually one of the few Slayers I can remember by name now. That' mainly because I think the kid had a thing for B, so of course I'm going to know who she is.

I remember when she did some training in Scotland with us, how she'd follow Buffy around like a little lap dog and made every excuse in the book to be around her. Yeah I know the signs, hell I invented them and there was no way I was going to stand by and continue to watch her making moon eyes at B. It's why I signed off on her assessment, giving her atta boys across the board and suggesting that she move her lovesick ass back to Tokyo and get prepared to be a squad leader.

Now don't get me wrong, the kid was ready, I wouldn't have sent her out to the wolves if I didn't think she wasn't, but I wasn't about to sit around waiting for her to make a play for B either. I knew it was coming. The kid actually had the guts I never had to ask her out. She made it seem casual and all, like she just wanted to get a one on one with the Head Slayer to see how she was doing.

Yeah. Fuck that. She wasn't fooling anyone. Well except maybe B. She did turn down the personal one on one with her though, telling her that it wasn't just up to her about her progress. That every senior member of her training squad had a say, so it didn't really matter what she thought and that everyone would decide collectively.

I was happy as fuck about that. Not that I thought B would've hit it off with the kid, being that she's the poster child for straight as they come chicks. Well, that was before she decided she wanted to stick her tongue down my throat and keep hinting that she wants to fuck me. Needless to say, I've had to put up with Buffy fucking vamps, soldier boy and all the other losers she attracts. There was no way I could handle her getting it on with a Slayer that wasn't me. I think I would've had to kill them both. Okay. So maybe it wouldn't have gotten that far. I don't think.

And this is another reason why me and B being together is bad, she has the ability to control my emotions, and not always for the better. Is it possible for someone to be both good and bad for you? It's like she's my strength and my weakness and sometimes that line gets blurred. So let's just be glad it never got to that point with the kid.

So here I am helping to track down some old ass, blue, one-eyed demon priest that appears child-like and likes to snatch up kids. Freaky right? Aobozu is its name and apparently he's been a part of Japanese folklore for ages, but I could care less, I just want to find the fucker and put a hurting on him. It's bad enough that kids have to deal with today's freak pedophiles, now they have to be afraid of one from the 18th century too.

You don't fuck with kids, they are too innocent at that age to have this sort of shit happening to them. And yeah, some kids are terrors, and seem like they actually could be demon spawns. But this guy is taking that shit to a whole new level.

We really didn't get it at first, you know? Why he was snatching up kids? That is until we ran across a nest of vamps that were keeping kids with them. After clearing out the nest and leaving one of them intact long enough to question, she explained that this guy gives the kids to them to turn. They don't know why and they could care less because it's an easy meal for them.

But what the geek squad has come up with is that this bastard wants some playmates. I mean the legend has him always appearing like a kid, so it makes sense. He gives the kids to the vamps to turn to make them children forever. Only I think there's something a little more to it though. This thing has had centuries to fill his kiddy diddler camp, you would think in that amount of time he's had enough.

It felt kinda wrong having to dust those little kids though. Even though we knew they were vamps, it just didn't feel right because they didn't ask for that. Not that the grown-ups do either, but these were kids. We did what we had to do though, no matter how fucked up it was. The only question is, how the hell do we kill this fucker once he's caught? And I will catch him.

But I guess that's something for the brains to figure out. It's funny that in every Slayer base there is a Giles, Willow and just a Scooby gang in general. I guess B and her little band of merry men have rubbed off on the Slayer world. That's my girl, a force to be reckoned with and showing them how it's done. She's a legend and she knows it.

And just like that my thoughts turn back to her. Not that they never stray too far away, but being here and focusing on something to kill only gives me a few hours to not think about her. I wonder what she's doing now. I'm actually surprised that I haven't heard from her today. I guess I could always call her, but that would defeat the purpose of trying to get her off my mind. But then again it's not like I don't answer when she calls me. And ya see? See how I get all damn wishy washy where she's concerned.

I don't want her to call.

Fuck. Why hasn't she called me?

I don't want to talk about how I feel about her.

Why the hell hasn't she told me exactly how she feels?

I don't want her.

Oh yeah, that's a damn lie if I've ever told one.

Fuck this. I need to get lit.

Reaching over into the bag on the table, I pull out a beer and the bottle of whisky I picked up before I came back to my room. I usually make it a point to never drink heavily when I'm on a mission, mainly because you never know when you may have to get up and motor on the fly, but right now, I need this. I need to take my mind off things. I need to take my mind off her. And no, I don't have any illusions that drinking will do that. No, my objective right now is to drink down these emotions and pass the fuck out. Then of course I risk dreaming about her.

Fuck my life.

Unscrewing the bottle and taking a long swig from it, I tugged my jacket off and try to lose myself in the warm liquid burning its way down my throat. Feeling my eyes water from it, I twist the top on a beer to chase it. Yeah, this is what my night will be like….me drinking down my sorrows.

Fuck you world and fuck you Buffy Summers. I'll see you in my dreams baby.

* * *

_I'm jolted awake by the violent rocking of the boat and I can feel that B is not with me. I sit up quickly and grasp the side of the boat to keep from being thrown over. Looking around frantically into the darkness, I call Buffy's name loudly and listen for an answer. There's nothing but the sound of waves crashing around me and hitting the boat. I scramble to the other side of it and call her name again and wait. Nothing._

" _Fuck!" I yell out loud as my eyes dart around but the inky blackness surrounding me makes it impossible for even my Slayer vision to cut through. Damnit. I move quickly back to the other side and call out to her again. And again….nothing. My heart is racing and I'm sweating heavily despite the fact that it's still cool and breezy. Where the hell is she?_

_Falling back in the middle of the boat, I bring my hands up to my face with a feeling of dread washing over me. Where the fuck is she? I promised her. I fucking promised her that I wouldn't let anything happen to her and suddenly she's not with me. I jerk my head up and wipe angrily at the tears that have started falling when I vaguely hear something in the distance._

_It sounds like my name is being called and I quickly make my way to the bow. Holding my breath and straining to hear, I look out into the darkness hoping that it's not too late and she's out there somewhere. I hear it again, what sounds like my name. The voice is distant and faint, but it's definitely there. It has to be her._

_Searching the darkness again, I'm suddenly hit by a wall of water and I splutter against the onslaught as I struggle to hold on. It pointless though, because it's soon followed by another that totally engulfs the boat and suddenly I'm under water. In a panic, I gasp and instantly realize my mistake as water rushes its way through my nose and mouth. I can't breathe….I can't see, and suddenly I feel this pain inside of me that feels like it's trying to rip me apart._

_I want to scream at the pain and emptiness that's invading my body but I know that will only make me inhale more water. I kick frantically trying to make my way up to the surface, but it's pointless. I can feel the water filling and flowing through my lungs. My eyes are heavy and I can feel myself fading so I don't waste the energy. I just keep still and wait for the inevitable._

_As my eyes are just about to slip closed, in the distance, I can make out a light that slowly starts to turn fiery red and begins to burn. I struggle to keep my eyes open and focus on it, because surely that can't be right. Fire doesn't just materialize under water. I focus hard on the burning light and that's when I see something._

_A figure appears inside of the flame and that's when I see her. Buffy. She's there, floating inside of this fiery glow and reaching out to me. On instinct, I sluggishly move my arm through the water, reaching for her too. I have to save her. My heartbeat is slowing and my lungs are burning but I fight against the pull of unconsciousness that's trying to take over me. But nothing, not even death will keep me from reaching her. With everything inside of me, I wade through the water towards her. The flame is starting to spread now and I can feel the heat from it. As I get closer, I pause when I get to the edge._

" _Don't be afraid, it only hurts if you stay inside," I hear her B say. And it makes absolutely no sense. I have to actually get inside to save her, how can I not be afraid of that?_

_Steeling myself, I cautiously and slowly push my way through it. I slam my eyes shut at the burning sensation I can feel on my skin and I hear the hissing sound hissing of water coming into contact with fire. I can faintly smell the burning of flesh as I slip through and the burning heat starting to surround me. It's painful as hell, but oddly enough I'm not going up in a blaze of glory. I wade through it, ignoring the pain of the burn and open my eyes to focus on the one person I need to get to._

_It feels like an eternity before I reach her and once I'm floating right in front of her, on instinct I open my mouth to say something and that makes more water through my nose and mouth. My eyes slam shut and I start spluttering at the assault of the water. That's when I feel B's mouth on mine and as she blows air into my lungs. When I open my eyes again, I can see that her eyes are the color of fire, but her face is pale. Her arm reaches out to me again and she lays her palm against my cheek and smiles._

" _Once inside, escape the fire." I give her a puzzled look because I hear her say the words, but her mouth never moved. I want to ask her what that means but I don't want to risk inhaling more water before I can get her out of here. But as if she's reading my mind I hear her voice again. "Escape the fire, it's the only way."_

_I take a look around to look at the ball of fire that has engulfed us and it's getting hotter. I want to scream at the pain as the fire starts to char my arms and I can feel my clothing slowly being burned away. How the hell am I supposed to escape this? It's all around us. I keep looking around for a way out, but all I can see now is fire as the whole sea turns red. I bring my gaze back to her, but she's gone now, and I panic. I frantically look around for her but it's pointless. All I can see is the burning glow and it's starting to burn hotter as the burning sea starts to turn blue._

_Where the hell did she go? How the hell am I supposed to escape this? All these questions are running through my head when suddenly there's an explosion and I feel myself being blown back through the flaming sea and then I'm falling. Into what, I don't know._

_The last thought I have as my world turns black is that I've let her down. I broke my promise to never let anything happen to her. I failed._

* * *

I fall to the floor hard as pain rips through my body and I feel like I'm being torn up inside. The scream I feel making its way from my throat never comes and I grasp at my chest, begging for air to enter my lungs. Rolling over, I curl into a ball, hoping to ease the pain but it doesn't. I shake violently and I can feel sweat pouring from my skin. Every part of me is in pain, my mouth is dry and it feels like I'm dying. The pain is too much. It's so overwhelming and I know why. It's a pain I've felt before and one I never wanted to feel again.

It's the same pain I felt the first time when I was locked up and I lost her. I can feel the same emptiness clawing its way through me and leaving me hollow inside. There's no question in my mind why I'm feeling this right now. No other explanation for it.

Buffy's gone.

How the fuck did this happen? What the hell has she gotten herself into in the time I've been gone? I should've never left her side. I should've paid more attention to those weird ass dreams I was having but I was so caught up in my own drama that I failed to do the one thing I promised her I wouldn't do.

I let her fall.

Stretching my body out slowly with as much strength as I can manage, I take a deep breath and lift my head. Darkness is all around me and a strangled scream pulls its way out of me at the revelation. The pain in my body is nothing compared to the pain I feel in my heart. As tears start flowing from my eyes, I feel myself beginning to lose consciousness. I don't try to stop it, I don't  _want_ to stop it. With her gone, there's no need to because nothing matters anymore. I just want this pain to stop, but I know it never will, not with her gone.

Right now though, oblivion sounds pretty damn wicked and I beg for it to come. My head falls back against the floor hard and I wait for it. I long for it. Closing my eyes, I succumb to it all. To the pain, to the emptiness, to my broken heart, and to Buffy not being inside of my soul anymore. I can feel one last strangled cry trying to make its way out of me from the thoughts of it all.

And then there's nothing.


End file.
